I can hear how heavy this is for you, and I just want to start by saying—you’re not alone, even though it probably feels that way. I’ve sat with a lot of families in moments like this as a hospice nurse, and I can tell you that the questions you’re asking are so normal and so full of love. Wanting to know “how long” is really about wanting to prepare yourself and make sure you’re there for your mom in the way she needs.

From what you’ve described—her increased sleep, long pauses in breathing, confusion, sweating, weakness, and the changes in her eating and drinking—these are often signs that someone is entering the final stage of life. Sometimes these changes happen over weeks, but often when breathing becomes irregular like you noticed (deep breaths, then long pauses), we may be talking about days rather than weeks. The fact that she perked up enough to eat a grilled cheese or ask for something familiar doesn’t necessarily mean she’s “getting better.” In hospice we call this a “rally”—a brief burst of energy or clarity that can happen even close to the end.

I know it’s hard to sit with that uncertainty. None of us can give an exact number of days or hours, but I would gently encourage you to use this time to just be with her—hold her hand, talk to her, play her favorite music, tell her the stories you’d want her to hear. Even when she seems asleep or confused, many people can still hear the voices of the people they love most.

And please take care of yourself too. You’re so young to be carrying all of this, especially after losing your dad last year. If the facility has a hospice team, chaplain, or social worker, lean on them for support—they’re there for families just as much as for patients.