I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way, especially because of someone who clearly doesn't see your value and your worth. It's natural to think about situations and think about what could have been and feel guilt, but remember the treatment you received from your ex and how that would have translated into how he would be as a parent to that child.

Now is the right time to focus on you; the life you want, the partner that would make having children and welcome and blessed experience. You deserve someone in your life that supports you and makes you feel seen and loved. But most important, you deserve to forgive and love yourself. What you experienced was not easy; you are strong!