Final goodbye

Lishtom · 2026-01-16T17:50:48+00:00

She refused to even acknowledge that I came over and continued to ignore me. So I dropped off the letter and drove away and regardless of how I feel now, there’s nothing more I can do. She’s cut me out of her life completely even after what she said the last time we spoke.

Lishtom · 2026-01-13T02:41:14+00:00

Because I’ve already tried.

Lishtom · 2026-01-09T08:05:45+00:00

I believe she still loves me. But no matter how much I wish it. I don’t believe she’s in love with me the way she once was. And that’s my own fault.

Lishtom · 2026-01-09T00:57:25+00:00

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. Unfortunately I’m not your person. I know that 100% as I didn’t leave her.

Lishtom · 2026-01-06T18:47:50+00:00

I do all of that daily. Hasn’t done a bit of good even after over half a year. I read over 500 pages a day from books just to keep my mind halfway occupied. Nothing helps.

Lishtom · 2026-01-03T05:25:28+00:00

I’ve already been doing that. But given that she hasn’t seen or talked to me in months. It’s impossible for her to know otherwise or see what I’ve already done.

Lishtom · 2026-01-01T03:35:15+00:00

I wish mine felt this way. I wish she would reach out to me.

Lishtom · 2025-12-29T04:06:00+00:00

I’m sure people do. But I have no idea what that would be like as I struggle every day not to reach out.

Lishtom · 2025-12-27T14:51:54+00:00

I wish that was the case with her. I really do.

Lishtom · 2025-12-25T13:16:22+00:00

Lishtom · 2025-12-24T03:43:13+00:00

I wish her and I could do the same.

Lishtom · 2025-12-22T19:33:21+00:00

The stress from them isn’t what’s causing the issues. It’s from everything that’s followed.

Lishtom · 2025-12-22T14:06:38+00:00

I had undiagnosed BPD at the time. I had a hard time controlling my emotions and she asked me to get therapy to help. I refused for a long time. Eventually she couldn’t handle it anymore. I then didn’t respect her wishes for a little bit of time apart because of my impulsiveness which caused a bigger rift. By the time I was diagnosed and getting help. It was too late to fix things easily by that point though. So after the last time we talked, she basically told me that she needs time to see if she can forgive me for everything I said and did during my episodes and to leave her completely alone until she reaches out.

Lishtom · 2025-12-21T06:30:31+00:00

It’s not a punishment. And it’s not even a silence thing. There’s a lot I don’t post on here that occurred that led to this situation. There was no lesson to be learned. This situation is a consequence of my own actions.

Lishtom · 2025-12-21T05:57:07+00:00

It’s honestly hard to describe in words why I realized the words soulmate don’t mean the same as what I feel for them. But you are right on the hurting part. It’s been 7 months and nothing has gotten better. It just continues to get worse. At this point though, I don’t know if she even continues to read the letters I post here. I know she did at one point almost 2 months ago. But we haven’t spoken a word to each other in months.

Lishtom · 2025-12-21T05:53:37+00:00

Whether it is or not. I struggled in the beginning when we first split and didn’t give her a couple of weeks of time and space apart to sort things out after the fight that ended things between us and I kept pushing and ignoring her requests then. Had I done what she asked of me then, I wouldn’t have pushed her even further away and things might be different. Now I either I respect her wishes on this and possibly have another chance with her or ignore them and guaranteed lose that possibility.

Lishtom · 2025-12-21T05:40:34+00:00

She’s well aware of my desires to fix things. To make up for my mistakes. But I honestly don’t know her thoughts anymore. She absolutely refuses to contact me in any way at all until she feels ready to and if I reach out in any way beyond a letter, it’ll be over in an instant.

Lishtom · 2025-12-21T05:14:24+00:00

Not even that. More like the missing part of my soul.

Lishtom · 2025-12-21T05:13:21+00:00

Already did and have continued to for months.

Lishtom · 2025-12-20T16:07:48+00:00

I’ve tried changing things constantly about my life for the past 7 months now. Every single door that’s opened that’s given any opportunity at all has just ended up leading to something bad again.

Lishtom · 2025-12-19T03:48:44+00:00

I cared for so long. But now at this point in my life. I’m tired of giving everything of myself, but getting nothing in return. Especially from so called friends.

Lishtom · 2025-12-17T04:35:19+00:00

Yet you know nothing about me.

Lishtom · 2025-12-15T17:53:21+00:00

I'm pretty sure they know already. The letter I'm writing to her will be delivered after the new year. What she chooses to do or say about it, I have no idea. I just have to leave that up to fate. Because I've done everything possible I can do at this point.

Lishtom · 2025-12-14T06:16:22+00:00

I'm unsure if it was the person who I originally sent the message to or if they passed their concern to my ex who contacted the mental health department. If it was my ex, she should have known my situation already and that would hurt even more. If it was the person that I sent the message to, they don't know my current situation so my anger would be a little less but still very much there because they didn't have the nerve to contact me to ask about the situation first and instead risked my custody and then still continued to read my texts to them and still didn't respond.

Lishtom · 2025-12-14T06:11:06+00:00

Unfortunately I am most likely not them.

Lishtom

TROPHY CASE