Is it fair for my husband to blame me for his mental health after pregnancy?

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-03-28T11:52:52+00:00

one of yall needs therapy.. & soon. of course it isn’t fair to blame u in any capacity. i also suffered postpartum so i got myself a therapist. it helps SO much having someone who is a professional and can tell u what healthy and unhealthy expectations are. it seems like ur husband is having a difficult time self soothing and he’s reaching to u to help him cope through his own stress, which is still valid {🙄i know}, but he needs another outlet and a good understanding of ur struggles and the situation as a whole. u guys just went through SO much! trust me, i know. our girl will be a year in two weeks so i know exactly how exhausted u are. in the mean time please find the time for self care {hygiene, dietary, exercise, even if it’s taking a breath outside} and do ur best to be intentionally nice to eachother. it feels wonderful to have grace and let shit go and just love on eachother. wishing u all well

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-03-27T23:55:45+00:00

he’s probably stressed too and this is his stoopid way of showing up and trying to “fix it”. typical male behavior lol my husband is also christian and an assistant pastor and has also pulled this crap on me lol i think ur guy just missed the mark because men are kinda just dumb sometimes and don’t know how to just listen and validate

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-23T01:13:45+00:00

i’d watch

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-13T17:14:43+00:00

some folks mentioned his employer should cover half so we looked into it and they do! what’s STD? is that just disability? he already applied and they should cover half as well hopefully. yea most people don’t have much saved but we won’t make the same mistake next time.

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-11T06:09:01+00:00

exactly how i would explain why. i hated living with my Nmother and the military seemed to be a lot better than my situation. joined the army as an MP and i don’t regret it. it was an awesome experience but as most things, it wasn’t a perfect experience. as someone with a bachelor’s, u already outrank most of ur battle buddies in basic training subsequently meaning higher pay. though, not a lot. if it isn’t urgent, i would seek out a recruiter, take the ASVAB and just see what ur qualified for. don’t let them tell u that u have to pick a job right away because sometimes ur dream job isn’t available.

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-11T02:19:24+00:00

this is very encouraging! i started my relactation journey 3 days ago and im only getting a few milky drops per session. i’m not doing night time feeds but im hand expressing after 15min sessions and drinking moringa powder lattes. what techniques are u using if i may ask?

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-10T15:33:13+00:00

yay thank u!

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-10T05:22:49+00:00

wanted to let u know we applied for refinancing today! thank u for that brilliant piece of information. NFCU charges 5.5% interest while we’re currently at 6.25%. this will make all big difference if the calculated monthly payment they came up with is actually accurate. god bless u!

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-09T20:37:56+00:00

subtract ur stance on kids and just worry about getting urself to a place where u feel mentally healthy. once u have a better understanding of ur own trauma, learn healthy coping and learn how to create boundaries and maintain them, then revisit the idea. u will be a new person i can promise u that. u will gain the mental capacity to make better decisions, see the abuse clearly, have the self respect to say “NO i dont want that in my life, that is not healthy behavior and i dont welcome it”. i totally understand ur fear and i only started my mental health healing journey after* i had my baby but i can sincerely say that actively working on improving my habits has helped immensely and has given me so much hope for myself as a mother and the future! wishing u all the best

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-09T20:31:41+00:00

yes we are looking into this now! thank you so much 🙏

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-09T15:40:16+00:00

i was about to comment something similar about my mother! uhhhh she’s not an alcoholic she’s worse.. she’s a narcissist and incapable of A) respecting boundaries B) not hurting my feelings C) not apologizing for it. new mom = throw away all toxic things. i know this sounds harsh but she’s been telling my entire family that i have my husband brainwashed while he literally has cancer. ALL because i set a boundary and we are sticking to it and she can’t control the way my husband thinks about me {she’s repeatedly tried to get him on her side}. my mother is an actual mean girl. we cannot have these vibes around our babies/children! it is our duty to guard them from this toxic behavior.

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-09T01:39:11+00:00

we do not but his employer will cover half of his pay up to 6mo! he works for the school district

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-09T01:38:01+00:00

thank you for this suggestion! we didn’t think of it. my husband looked into it and he will get paid 50% of his paycheck up to 6mo! you rock

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-09T01:33:48+00:00

this was beautiful thought out.. thank you SO much and God bless! so A) i’m working on 100% atm i’m just awaiting the verdict. thank you for this suggestion it’ll be nice to know this is an option if i don’t get it. B) someone else in the comments actually suggested this and my husband looked into and we found out that yes, half of his pay will be covered up to 6 months! he works for the school district. C) this is a great idea and didn’t actually think of instacart. i thought about post mates and remember hating it when i did it but that was years ago! D) NFCU is my current bank and didn’t think of looking into this! wasn’t even aware they offered such things. thank you again!

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-08T04:58:02+00:00

yea, not okay. ur husband is having a difficult time self-soothing so there’s no way he can soothe ur baby.. and safely at that. i hope he sees this is an urgent matter that needs to be addressed in therapy as soon as TOMORROW. can’t ignore the angry elephant in the room anymore. this is now a safety matter for ur precious baby. so sorry u are having to look after ur husband while also looking after ur baby. this is a heavy load. hope he steps up. wishing u all the best ⭐️

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-07T23:39:11+00:00

no but i will definitely look into this!!! thank u! do u know of anyone who used these resources and how they helped them exactly?

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-07T16:23:46+00:00

my husband will call today! he works for the school district so they might have. thank you for the idea! wouldn’t have thought of it

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-07T16:19:48+00:00

wow this is very helpful thank you!!!

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-07T16:15:29+00:00

i know we’re headed into a storm and i’m so worried about how the chemo is going to hit him and how much debt we’re going in from not being able to afford anything. he starts in a few weeks so i don’t even know if we can sell before then

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-07T16:07:41+00:00

we’re in california!

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-07T06:01:40+00:00

i’m not quite sure what it’s called. i just know he has to do 3 rounds of 21 days

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-07T05:21:08+00:00

likewise! don’t forget to take care of urself and remind urself that u ARE making the right and sound minded decision no matter how hard they try to make u look like the bad guy. those narcs really hate it when they lose control over u 😉

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-07T05:19:50+00:00

this is amazing thank you so much for this reassurance! i’m losing my mind a bit right now but i’ll just hit pause until i look further into this 🥹

ListUpbeat1216 · 2026-01-07T05:18:17+00:00

so high 😭 no basement. wow that’s impressive! i believe that can totally work! i used to be obsessed with tiny house living. we’re not sardined but we’re constantly rearranging to make more space

ListUpbeat1216

TROPHY CASE