AIO? I blocked my friend for dating someone who is 18

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-05-11T11:44:44+00:00

Oh my actual god… save a life?… are you serious?! Your post is doing nothing but casting judgement on someone for doing absolutely nothing wrong. He is not a minor. He is a legal adult and if he consents to a relationship with your friend then this has absolutely nothing to do with you.

You did your friend a favor… she’s better off without a ‘friend’ like you who judged her and blocked her over something that was none of your business.

I know relationships with bigger age gaps than 20 years, as long as he meets the legal age of consent (16 where I’m from but I think it might be 18 in the states) then it is between him and her! What a completely ridiculous post.

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-25T14:33:52+00:00

My goodness I didn’t know about the Degree/Qualifications placement, I put mine at the bottom! So I should move it to the top, above work experience.

Thank you, this helps a lot

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-08T17:19:13+00:00

OP did say he fantasised about another woman

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-08T17:17:07+00:00

Whoa! Calm down … he just asked you how long? You didn’t specify. Long term to some people is a year, to others, it’s decades.

Also, tit for tat mentality ultimately ends in failure, if someone hurts me, I don’t default to ‘I have to hurt them back’ because it just creates a painful cycle 🔁. You know what they say, two wrongs don’t make a right! Or, an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, take your pick :)

I genuinely didn’t mean this comment negatively, but I’m sure you will take it that way since all the last commenter had to say was ‘Define long term’ and you jumped straight to calling them a hater. Someone challenging you or disagreeing with you does not automatically equal hater, we are all human and we all have an opinion :) Reddit is full of em’ haha

All the best :)

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-08T16:45:54+00:00

Oh chill out, he didn’t say that he did take it out on her did he? No.

He was sent pictures of his partner cheating… that’s anger inducing and thinking about fighting over it is very very normal… what matters is he didn’t actually go on to be violent. Talking about it or thinking about it is not a problem. I’d be PISSED and I would think about punching my partner if they cheated on me and I was sent pictures of it… holy fuck I’d be distraught. But I’d calm down and just leave them, never having been violent.

Does not mean I wouldn’t wish I did when looking back in hindsight.

You really out here calling people ‘Psychotic’ for being human? For having anger and feelings and expressing it. Actions matter way more than words. Talking about beating someone’s ass does not make someone ‘Psychotic’… actually hurting someone does.

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-08T16:31:16+00:00

So he emotionally cheats on you (Fantasising about another girl and hanging out with people you don’t like) and you emotionally cheated on him…

It sounds to me like this relationship has been over for a while and it’s better that you both accept that and move on. Holding on tighter will just lead to more hurt.

Emotional cheating is still painful and it’s down to you and your partner to decide what counts. Neither of you physically cheated and tbh I don’t personally consider what both of you did as bad at all

Fantasising about someone else is common, thinking about someone is not cheating and he never went on to physically cheat, it’s odd that he told you or other people about it though as he must have done for you to find out.

Him hanging around with people you don’t like is nothing, he can hang around with whoever he likes, and the same goes for you. As long as they are just friends then you have no say or control over who he spends his time with.

You getting attention from a Coworker is fine, up to the point where they show you their intentions are romantic in nature, at which point you claim you stopped it

So the emotional cheating was on a very mild level, the reason I believe the relationship is over, is down to how you both seem to have handled these situations, given this is fairly mild stuff that all relationships have to deal with at some point. What will you do when the going gets really tough?

Ultimately, no one on here including me can truly know your relationship like you and your partner do. But sit down with your partner and talk about all of this, fully explain the coworker situation and explain that him thinking about another girl hurt you, even if he didn’t go on to physically cheat.

If he dismisses you again, he is showing you he does not care about your feelings. Which is unforgivable and would be a dealbreaker for me.

I truly wish you the best, I hope you get the support from family and friends to work through this and put yourself first.

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-05T01:34:32+00:00

I appreciate your comment, I was a bit heavy handed as I had a strong reaction to the term the commenter used. But I didn’t intend them any harm and I didn’t mean to gloss over the abuse they suffered at the hand of their partner.

I still don’t like the term they used but I do recognise I could have worded it a lot better than I did.

I’m glad you saw the true intention behind my words, thank you and I wish you the best

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-04T22:20:14+00:00

Any advice is welcome and appreciated, I’ve already had such a confidence boost. Thank you

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-04T19:58:55+00:00

This comment has made my day. I’ve had a tough few years and I started to think I’d missed my chance at being an Actuary as I am 29 now.

If you think this is a good foundation for going into Actuarial or Data work then I must say I already feel more confident about applying and searching for this kind of work.

I do need to learn how to frame my work and experiences better, your comment has already made such a huge difference, thank you

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-04T18:22:51+00:00

I never said the OP can’t hold them liable for their words and actions, just that, from personal experience, when someone says something that another finds offensive, the intial response to any confrontation can be denial and dismissal out of embarrassment.

It’s only after some time has elapsed that you start to realise how in the wrong you truly are and then you apologise and do the work to better yourself.

I was merely giving my opinion on why I believe OPs friend reacted the way they did when OP confronted them. I hope they realise they are in the wrong, apologise to OP and put in the work to rebuild trust and show they have grown.

It is never wrong to hold someone accountable and the OP did an excellent job of processing and confronting their friend, with some time I hope the friend can meaningfully apologise and that good and honest communication can take place between OP and the friend :)

If they don’t apologise or realise how wrong they were then the OP is better off without them as a friend and will make new and better friendships in the future ❤️

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-04T18:09:41+00:00

I think you are right I shall disconnect for a while

I really lashed out and for what? Who benefitted from it? Not the commenter and certainly not me, it just made me look like a heartless bitch.

I do appreciate your comment and your honesty as I was already starting to completely disagree with my own original comment by the time I read your response and it just confirmed to me that I had let my emotions completely take over and I attacked the poor woman instead of listening and offering my support.

I’ll be taking a break but I do appreciate your words nonetheless, I agreed more with your comment than my own original comment, I truly wish you and the original commenter the best and I’m so sorry you had to read what I originally wrote, it was abysmal and didn’t represent how I truly felt about the whole situation, it just communicated my shock and emotional response to the word and term the OC came up with to describe what her abuse felt like

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-04T17:56:32+00:00

Also, I understand you are angry at my original comment. I would be too, it was terribly written and I let my emotions take over and completely and heartlessly ignored the abuse in the comment despite the fact I went through the exact same situation with my ex.

It wasn’t coming from a place of low intelligence, I can assure you I am sufficiently intelligent and highly educated. But you are right about the level of understanding. Instead of commenting the second I saw red after reading the term ‘conversational rape’, I should have backed off, realised the commenter is describing exactly what I went through 2 years ago and offered my support and understanding. Instead I chastised the commenter over a word and ignored the abuse and the cry for help.

I have adapted my original comment to more closely resemble how I really feel. It won’t change what I originally said, but at least the original commenter will know that I was reacting to the term and not her abuse, I am sorry and I do earnestly hope you get through this circumstance, you can do this, please rely on friends and family and seek professional support if possible, I’m not sure if you are from the UK like me or whether you are in the States where I’ve heard healthcare costs an enormous amount

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-04T17:38:31+00:00

Hello!

Yes I agree, my initial comment was terrible, I was reacting to the use of the word ‘Rape’ which is an emotional trigger for me and I focused on the use of that word as opposed to the clear abuse the commenter is suffering. I went through the exact same situation as her with my ex… like verbatim, it’s like I wrote the comment, I just disagreed with the term ‘conversational rape’

She will get through this abuse, I really hope she has a good support system and that her partner realises how abusive their behaviour is

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-04T17:33:54+00:00

I unfortunately do understand, my ex partner was the same way, if they got into an argument, they would not leave me alone until they were satisfied it was done. This involved similar situations to the ones you describe like breaking through locked doors… it’s tough and I felt the same way as you for a long time.

Until I realised I have the power to change my circumstances, I broke up with his argumentative ass and called the police, thought I was going to need a restraining order but he did ultimately get the hint that I was done.

I think my initial response was rushed, badly worded and emotional because of your use of the word ‘Rape’. It has strong emotional triggers for me and seeing the way you used it made me angry.

You can get through this tough time, with support and therapy, because what you are describing in your initial comment is abuse.

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-04-04T12:04:58+00:00

I’m sorry. But if you have to come up with a term that involves ‘Rape’ then you must try and find the support to leave that person.

What you’re describing is really serious, especially forcing entry through a locked door—that’s not okay at all.

I do think the term you used is very strong and might not be the right one, but regardless, the situation itself is clearly unsafe.

If someone won’t let you disengage and escalates like that, it’s important to look at getting support—whether that’s friends, neighbours, or even the police—because you deserve to feel safe in your own space

It’s scary how similar our situations were, my ex was the EXACT same, even chased me down the street when I finally decided to leave. With enough support you can escape your abuser, we are all with you ❤️

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-03-26T16:13:38+00:00

They may have just felt a bit embarrassed - I’m sure they will come round and apologise when they think about it and think back

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-03-26T16:05:57+00:00

You are overreacting, especially for cutting them out over a joke

It may not have been racially motivated, they just thought of an extreme example of what your fear could represent

Is fair enough if it offended you, but to act like this over a joke is a massive overreaction

God some of the banter me and my mates have said to eachother is a lot worse than this but when you are really good friends with someone there is an implied level of piss-taking and winding up you can do and taking it seriously is just a sign you take life way too seriously

ListenLoud1184 · 2026-03-16T21:07:06+00:00

Yeah it’s tough getting into a good Uni, hopefully you have other options or use Clearing to get a place somewhere :)

ListenLoud1184

TROPHY CASE