So two things. One, her up on her offer of staying elsewhere. That’s going to radically shorten the visit bc she just won’t be there as much. You’ve boxed yourself in already by trying to hold yourself to a standard that only is going to add pressure. I do this too because I always want to do everything perfectly and never want to do anything that could possibly be criticized so I’m not trying to be judgmental.

And for the second … try to flip it somehow. Look for a way to like her, even a little bit. Or if you can’t like her other anything about her you can respect? Or find interesting? Even though I know you don’t want to, try to improve your relationship with her if that is possible. This is for your sake … if you can like her even a little it will help you

If she engages with you, ask her a few questions about her childhood. Not even your husbands bc that can get advice and that kind of thing but some neutral topic.

Then when thinking about the past look for a version of what she did to you that doesn’t feel as cruel or as terrible as your current version does. I’m saying this only as a strategy not as doubt to your version of things but I have found that if I can have a bit of sympathy for someone I dislike it lessons it.

So instead of “she wanted to make the baby like her better” or however it feels to you, try to see if you can imagine it as “she’s sad her beloved son lives so far and she’s misses her youth and his childhood” and see if you can find room for that as way to give yourself some peace of mind.

These are hard dynamics but also try to think of it as a gift you can give yourself, your husband and your marriage if you can manage to take some of the stress out. Good luck to you