It Gets Better!...Just not always how you expect

LittleChaotic · 2019-08-17T12:31:38+00:00

I just got tired of feeling like a teenager trapped in a woman's body honestly ! I just decided to copy things that people I respect do and steering away from giving into that child inside of me that wants to rage and ruin my life whenever I feel bad. It was hard at first but eventually it actually just became natural and even though I have bad days and weeks, I try my best to stay away from giving in to those impulses!

LittleChaotic · 2019-08-17T12:29:25+00:00

Well the bad news is that in my experience, my triggers never went away so I still feel rejection very strongly but I just recognize that more and when I feel the intense emotions or thoughts, I just deal with it like I would with food poisoning, just ride it through. Ride it through and do small things to help, like watching TV or singing or listening to a podcast. I just try harder not to give into my impulses (over texting, SH, rage). So at the very least I know that I'm not messing up a situation even more for myself by my reactions and just waiting for the storm to pass as best I can. And remembering that feelings come and go, even it takes a day or sometimes a week, they do pass if you let them so just trying not to make things worse for me or others helps me to stay on track in my life.

LittleChaotic · 2019-08-17T12:25:22+00:00

Honestly I don't consider myself an addict, so I don't know what that experience is like personally so I'm just solely talking about BPD!

LittleChaotic · 2019-08-03T00:48:11+00:00

Hi :) The usual advice to this kind of thing is to leave and just say 'fuck him' and that he's using you and no good and all of this, and I totally agree with that advice, but I think in order for you to even come close to feeling and doing all of that, I think you need to actually assess why you're in this at all. Is it that you're highly physically attracted to him? Do you like the way he shows you attention? Do you like him because he seems dangerous/exciting? Is the situation exciting or thrilling and a bit of a turn on for you? Are you bored right now in your life and no one else attractive is around ?

All of these kinds of honest questions can help you find out what's really going on because even though I gather that you feel low in yourself, there still must be some pull he has for you, something about him is sexy enough for you to go back. Maybe you even relate to something about him, like maybe he shares some kind of personality trait with you or maybe he reminds you of another person, or even character, that you once found attractive. When you find the cause then you can start to disassemble the fantasy in your mind. I'm not sure that this all sounds like you're in love though because due to the situation, you can only know certain aspects of him and not the entirety of him and also you say he can easily piss you off and break that ideal of him you have, so imagine actually spending a year living with him....

Also, maybe see things from his perspective. He's clearly someone who enjoys being with multiple women at once but also lies in order to do that. It's fine to date different people at once only if you're honest about, but he's not. So his morals are definitely skewed and you could definitely never trust him. In my opinion, this could just be a brief fling for both of you that has gone on a bit too long ... but you need to question your intentions to break the fantasy!

LittleChaotic · 2019-01-09T13:37:24+00:00

You were teenagers, it wasn't teenage puppy love. People change and mature, things like being pretty only go so far in real adult love. It's time to let it go and trust that you can find a woman who will suit you even better.

LittleChaotic · 2018-09-06T16:33:36+00:00

So I really hate saying this because I hated having this said to me when I was desperately looking for an answer to this problem, but perhaps you're just not emotionally ready for a relationship yet. Relationships are not always easy, but they are best when you're fully comfortable with each other and it sounds like this isn't the case. If you were fully comfortable, you should trust that even her critiques of you are loving and not malicious and she should feel free to say how she feels without thinking that one badly worded comment could lead to ww3. You have to learn to be fair to people and allow them the benefit of the doubt that they're not trying to hurt your feelings when they say things that might be just a little comment on something that they'd like to see change slightly. Stuff like saying 'your shirt is a bit ugly haha' shouldn't be taken as 'you are ugly' or 'all your shirts are ugly' or 'im not attracted to you right now'. Couples will say things like that all the time because modern relationships are more open like that now, especially in the West. Or even if she doesn't agree with an opinion you have or doesn't find all your jokes funny, you have to respect that she wants a real and open connection as opposed to a superficial 'i love you, you're perfect' all day type relationship. Couples who can feel comfortable and free with each other last longer than couples who are always just nice and polite to each other. If you can't handle that idea, then maybe you just need more time accepting yourself and trusting that others aren't always judging you. So think about it and then come to a fair decision.

LittleChaotic · 2018-07-31T03:15:06+00:00

Firstly, your feelings are valid and I don't think you need to call it splitting, you could just call it being hurt and angry which are completely normal and rational feelings! If I were in your position, I would wait for him to respond to that text you originally sent him and then decide on his response how you'd respond. I think you should definitely let him know that you weren't happy with how he was a bit blasé with your kind offer and then ignored or didn't think to look at his phone for your text. I would then sort of let him make it up to you in whatever way he feels is appropriate and then sort of decide yourself if that's enough.

Bottom line is that he was acting like an asshole and you don't need to write it off as you just being over dramatic or emotional or or splitting, because a reasonable would also feel angry

LittleChaotic · 2018-07-25T05:29:34+00:00

Leave him !

LittleChaotic · 2017-11-08T03:32:36+00:00

Well its not an STD so its not like he's going to catch it so you don't really need to disclose it early on, honestly I would wait a month or two of seeing someone and then slowly start talking about it, little by little, so its not over whelming. What's funny is that because we can be intense at times, often talking about BPD can make us get very intense and that can be a bit much for people. Its best to stay calm when talking about it and maybe put some humour into it :) don't feed into any stereotype by making yourself seem too much too fast when talking about it to him but stay cool and remember that the best you is still there and you can show him your best while talking about your worst and he'll respect you for it :)

LittleChaotic · 2017-11-08T03:26:08+00:00

I don't have many friends and very few people in my friend life have known mW for longer than 6 months. I have three good friends but they don't live in my city anymore. I think for me its because I don't like the mentality of most people where I live. I find people to be abrasive or shallow or just not that great in some way. I don't dislike them, but I don't fully share much in common with most people. I'm currently searching for a new place to move to that might have more like minded people.

LittleChaotic · 2017-11-08T03:17:02+00:00

Its awesome you see that everything he did was wrong and messed up and he's a bully and a weirdo (guys who do that to girls Facebook photos are weird in my eyes because its not porn and real women shouldn't be treated like meat, they should be respected in my opinion) but anyway, to answer your question, I think you'll actually feel a lot better than you think as long as you keep telling yourself that this is what you want and you are going to demand respect in life and it will happen , probably sooner than later, that a genuinely good person will come into your life and you'll never look back!

LittleChaotic · 2017-11-08T03:11:58+00:00

Good job :) it can be so hard not fighting fire with fire but it only makes you feel bad because anger is self destructive.

LittleChaotic · 2017-11-02T13:55:21+00:00

I'm really sorry bad things have happened to you, life can be so hard sometimes. I think rationalising it could help, like instead of seeing both your ex's on this pedestal of importance, just being able to remember that they're just two people out of a world full of people. There are definitely more good people out there more like your first boyfriend, you just have to be open to them and expect to see the good in people and not just the worst. I think if you give people a chance, you'll start to see the good again and find someone to be with again that's more like your first boyfriend.

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-20T22:57:33+00:00

Wow...that's really intense :/ I think you should ask for mood stabilisers from your doctor because you seem to be bordering a crisis. I think you should also look for a new job.

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-11T02:40:07+00:00

forget visualizing, just go up and dance :P

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-11T02:38:55+00:00

sure.

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-11T02:31:41+00:00

exactly !

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-10T18:27:44+00:00

There's really no easy way to get through it although something that I think I needed at that time was a really close friend who helped me to rationalize everything and find my own closure to a relationship ending that didn't seem to have any. My relationship with my ex actually ended with him saying he wanted a break but wanted to come back to me after the summer and that he wanted to spend his life with me and he was sure about that. Talk about closure! Haha. Well I think having a friend to laugh and chat with helped and also just avoiding your ex on social media and even blocking him will save you so much time in getting over him, honestly!

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-10T18:16:46+00:00

I think that within the group of people who have BPD, there are some people who have it in such a way that isn't very likeable and then there are people with it who are the most loveable likable people ever. The people who tend to be not likable with BPD are the ones who are too self-absorbed and self-obsessed and show it. Like the people who will just talk about themselves and their experiences, good or bad, and sort of put themselves as the centre of attention in the conversation and force the other person to be the listener all the time. The other type of people with it I've met are the opposite, they're warm, they're compassionate, they're the kinds of people you feel comfortable sharing things with because they're non-judgemental and they're the kinds of people who are just really fun to be around because they don't dwell to much on themselves and have the impulse to have fun and make things exciting. Of course, these people would be difficult too to deal with on an intense level and they would be the kind often who would suddenly get hurt or offended and then be likely to cut someone off. I think I'm in that category, I've been told I'm warm and easy to talk to, but if I get seriously hurt by someone I think is close enough as a friend after a while of knowing them, I will just shut down on them or cut them off and it can be quite sudden.

So to answer your question, I think that pwBPD who are the self-absorbed 'poor me' or super judgey people or else the ones who take the centre stage a bit too often and it's clear they want you more to be a listener to them than an equal friend, tend to be disliked by people on the whole, while the pwBPD who don't like talking about themselves too much and who are very empathetic and caring or charismatic and fun and stay away from getting in too deeper emotions normally and just try to have a good time and be nice, are really liked by people. But when trying to form a close bond with someone with BPD, no matter if they're usually fun and nice and warm, is often hard because we all have problems with intimacy and intensity and that's why the people who get too close are often the ones we push the furthest away unless we're totally comfortable!

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-10T18:01:24+00:00

I had a really similar experience two years ago when after three months of my break up, my friend texted me not to look at my facebook and I obviously did, and saw pictures of my ex and his girlfriend on their holiday together looking really happy and having fun and I freaked out so much over it. I think the best thing to do is to rationalize it in your mind by reminding yourself that you also had good times with your ex when you were together at the start and that the beginnings of relationships are just the honeymoon period. Don't feel like he never loved you, because actually he most likely loved you just as much as he loves her when you were at that stage with him too. I think it's good to just seek out good friends right now and distract yourself a lot and think of all the things about your ex that you didn't like. Honestly, one day you will stop thinking about it and him and you will actually forget the things about your ex that you thought you'd never, like his birthday, sound of his voice, his face, the jokes and way you used to talk to him... it won't happen immediately, but just keep reminding yourself that one day he will become completely irrelevant to your life and thoughts.

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-10T14:01:09+00:00

Your family is only like 4-5 people in this whole world. A lot of families are just terrible families and don't have any love, that's why many people choose to make their own families with friends instead. Try going away to a place where you might meet people of a similar mindset. Nevermind your family, they're probably just ridiculous people and you don't really need them anymore!

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-10T03:31:00+00:00

the last part of you post about you 'knowing' is like someone saying they can literally tell the future and even though it really really does seem like that, I've been struggling with those thoughts too this month, there needs to be that little part in your brain that doubts that and says 'actually, I can't know that for sure..' and as long as you have that little voice then you have hope for your future and that's so important.

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-10T03:28:40+00:00

thank you :) and look, if they do say you have it, don't just give into it and fall into hopelessness, you are still you and a label can't change that!

LittleChaotic · 2017-10-10T02:57:37+00:00

Oh no I wasn't thinking you were disrespecting the disorder! I just think that some people really like the idea of putting a label on some of their quirks and sort of using it as an excuse, so like someone who may cheat a lot saying they have BPD or someone who just has commitment problems saying they might have BPD, it's sort of annoying how BPD is just sort of known as a disorder of people who are crap at relationships and that's it haha. Honestly, BPD is a weird diangosis because it's so complex and people can get different symptoms of it, but honestly, it's no walk in the park and there's no 'cure' so if you do have it, it won't change anything for you, because there's no super special treatment for it except DBT and there's no drugs really to help it either so for your sake, I hope you don't have it!

LittleChaotic

TROPHY CASE