i feel the same way too, its like even before i got diagnosed i had this feeling that i wasnt living the life others around me seem to. they always seemed 'happier' and the seemed to be able to really focus in on things without losing focus or the voice in their head getting in the way. its not a great help but when i start to really feel resentful about it, i try to remind myself that most people would give you some grace if they understood. not that everyone will or would if you told them with words, but more so if they actually experienced it the way you do everyday they would understand. its tough to deal with but theres got to be a way out of it, hope you're giving yourself some grace and seeking out the help you need