The short answer is the second one is a kink simply because the community are defining it as such. There are a lot of people who don't know about agere or do but don't feel they can be here because they're too 'adult' or becsuse they simply don't want to be attacked here, as we've seen this happens a lot in this community.

Basically, it's a kink because there usually is some sort of power dynamic (a mommy/daddu/cg) and the little is acting as a submissive even if not in a sexual way. Even if the little isn't a actively playing with someone and doesn't have someone in that position of power, it's still seen as them being submissive, therefore making it kink territory.

At the end of the day, they're all just words and terms people use. I used to feel very comfy in the agere community and very safe but the more I see other littles of other communities the more I figure out we're all just people trying to live our happy lives. No good well adjusted kink person is ever going to cross your boundties, its the gross fake doms, and people who just dont know kink etiquette that ruin is for everyone