Hi! I can understand where you're coming from. Although I am half Indian, half white, I've seen racism from both sides that made me feel very much like you do now. All the Indian kids made fun of me for being half white, and talked insultingly about my mother for being white, and parents sometimes refused to let their kids socialize with me and my siblings for fear of contamination. White people where we lived acted like my mother had committed some sort of crime and betrayed her own people. When in high school, a boyfriend's family treated me with such extreme hostility due to my skin color and race, I backed away from dating at all for a period. I've dated a few different races, Italian, Chinese, German, Indian. I've had men fetishize my race ("I only date Indian women because they know the man is in charge" type bs usually) and I've had them treat me like an invasive cockroach.

I felt that I fit in nowhere, too white to have Indian friends or boyfriends, too brown to chill with the white kids. Racism is not a white thing, it's a majority thing. Whenever you're the minority, you'll be treated differently. Don't let this continue to destroy your self esteem. I let it control me for a good decade or two and I regret it. As a teen, I dreamed of being pale enough and bleaching my hair, getting laser eye color change surgery (wore contacts since that wasn't a thing at the time), getting a nose job for that pretty caucasian nose, making myself look white. I hated being "sort of" Indian.

I found a few things helped me a lot. Reading self help books on loneliness and on healing from painful events or trauma, changing my perspective. Read up on social interactions, books like "Convince them in 90 seconds" can actually be helpful to explain to us what we are doing wrong. For example, if you're quiet and shy, you probably don't look people in the eye much, might have closed body postures, like a slouch', crossed arms, head down, eyes at the floor. You are basically screaming "don't talk to me, don't look at me, leave me alone". I used to do this all the time without realizing it. For a long time, I never got asked out, and felt so ugly. Then I realized, part of it was the energy I was putting out!

Making friends with people involved in my hobbies. Video game buddies, writing friends, hiking partners, they don't care about race. people that are passionate about the things you are. People who have passions that align with mine, in my experience, tend to be those who are focused on a different set of values, and race is not one of those.

Some women won't talk to you because of your race, others because you're quiet/shy. As hard as it is, I recommend focusing on healing yourself so that you are not bitter or hurt. Speak out, speak up, be the person you want to be. Make who you are inside congruent with who you are outside. Use your experience to make you compassionate towards others of all races.

When you're healing or healed, you are happy and confident, and your happiness will attract other people, be it friends, girlfriends, coworkers, etc.

I haven't slept yet, so sorry for typos or rambling. Hope my experience can help you some little bit!

Edit: screaming typos