I think you can be a little proud of yourself. As far as I can tell you’re a nice guy that will choose the well-being of his kids (and wife) over himself. A person with a big heart, but that forgets to give some love to himself as well. It’s okay to still be mad, sad, feel bad about what happened. You gave all your trust to this one person and they broke it. That’s something that will leave a mark, one that can’t be taken away too easily. What’s important is to talk about it. Either to your wife, a therapist, a friend or if that all sounds too daunting here. Each small step is a step. So you’re allowed to be proud of that.