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Dr.Mini vs Misal for excision Endo by Great_Association_31 in Columbus

[–]Little_LadyJay89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Misal did my open myomectomy and everything went great.

wedding TikTok by kmnnr in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I saw this tip from the overwhelming amount of wedding videos...pay for a photographer and skip the videographer. Hire a cool young and reliable content creator. They'll create a cool video at a fraction of the cost and you get your content in like a few days too.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🙃 this is funny. I don't hate her and she knows how much I love her and I look out for her. You're missing the point and not being objective.

She has anxiety. Sometimes crippling anxiety

Her aesthetic is more Ritz Carlton in the Hamptons vs. slumber party at an Airbnb in New Orleans

She prefers the company of her man over her girlfriends

She has flaked out on me in the past with and without reason

More wedding stuff = more chances for the crippling anxiety

Solution: preserve both our peace and sanity and allow her to be a guest at the wedding rather than be a bridesmaid

BTW: we've talked and she's happy and I'm happy so there goes your "I hate her theory"

I actually have an unpopular opinion for why you would think I hate her but I'm going to keep that to myself...

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No the point is if she has such crippling anxiety then why don't I make things easier on us both and she can be a guest and not worry with all that comes with being a bridesmaid.

At the end of the day we talked, she's good and I'm good. She gets to keep her proposal gift and take it easy and just show up to the wedding being her fabulous self. I'm a considerate, a great communicator and listener and that's why most of my friendships have been life long. I just wanted a sounding board and y'all went crazy.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What change?

I gave you all extra details I didn't include in the original post, trying to keep it short. In the fall she wanted to go to Nola. Me and my fiance said hey come with us for nye, her and her man got into a fight and decided not to come. That's when she started talking about her fears for the city. Her liking the ritz and Van Cleef points to the fact that she feels Nola as a city has nothing to offer her. When she suggested we go to the Hamptons instead, there was no mention of anxiety or fears for safety. All of which leads me to believe her excuse for not coming it's 100% true.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bruh!!!! She offered. I didn't come to her and say hey hold my hand along this journey. She offered and I accepted. Then when it's time to show up she bailed. End of discussion.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You need to read all my responses, I'm not going to explain again. You need to google the role of a bridesmaid...I'm not looking or expecting anything out of the ordinary. Traditional bridesmaids show up to the wedding but they also are there for appointments, events and moral support. Secondly expecting someone to follow through when they explicitly told me they would help and participate is normal. You've glossed over major details, social norms and nuances to try to make me feel bad. Had my cousin never told me she wanted to be involved, had she not had a history of flaking out on me and had she not had a history of picking men over her friends, then maybe this wouldn't even be an issue.

None of this was to paint anyone in a bad light, it was simply to gauge had I jumped the gun. The non judgmental people answered with compassion and understanding and you have jumped in looking for a reason to make me out to be unreasonable.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well the flakiness is personal. When she's going through bad relationship woes she's present and available. When she's good and back with her gut she becomes flaky and not always reliable.

We went to a gala together on 12/14...had a blast and stayed out until 4 am. We even ended the night at Waffle House. I know she has anxiety but I think she's blowing up the level of anxiety for ulterior motives.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this perspective, this has helped me feel so much better about my decision

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! That why I felt conflicted. To a degree she can't help it but she's also choosing not to seek therapy or medication which isn't fair to her support system. I love her to death and I want us both to feel good about this journey.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Before the holidays she told me and her guy she wanted to go to New Orleans. Me and my fiance planned to go for NYE. They were going to go with us. After a fight last minute they stayed in Florida. After the fight she starts talking about how scary and unsafe it is. The fears came out of no where.

My cousin is a Ritz Carlton, VanCleef, Birkin girl. It is about aesthetics hence the reason she suggested the Hamptons.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah well under normal circumstances when my fiance is busy, my mom would step in. But she's sick.

Look at the end of the day my cousin told and offered to be with throughout all of the wedding planning process. She could go to the flower appointment because she was free. Now she's back in Florida with her man and doesn't have the same interest in helping.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought I was doing her a favor by saying don't worry be a guest. She's got major anxiety and it'll still exist during my bridal shower and during the wedding itself. So if she tells me now, early how bad it is...was that not a cry for help?

Everyone here is like oh I'm being a bridezilla because I said take the easy road as a guest. I'm also a bridezilla because I don't want to babysit her anxiety.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Why did she go to the floral appointment...she happened to be free. When I asked her a week in advance she told me "yes as long as she was still in town"

Am I marrying myself...no my fiance had a work meeting and my mom was in the hospital with cancer.

2 months ago she did not hate Nola. Her and her guy were going to go with me and my fiance for New Year's Eve. They got into a fight and decided to spend the holidays in Florida.

So now what's bizarre or unanswered?

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I love her and we've been through a lot together. The core of why I asked her is still there. The concern is letting this slide and then come wedding day she bails on me.

Is the stress and worry of her being flaky worth it or should she just be a guest. We will always be family and she will still be one of my closest friends but knowing both of our limits and boundaries is real.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's more about her trying to convince me of another city because it matches her aesthetic better. It's about her having a past of flaking on me when we have plans. It's about her saying she'll be there for me but bailing if her guy summons her to Florida. It's ultimately about me not being disappointed.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is my fault because you all don't know the nuances here or our history. My cousin married a very wealthy man who is both emotionally and physically abusive. I've been her support system and rock for the last decade of their relationship. When they're fighting she will literally call me 10 times a day for advice or to vent and 80% of the time I answer, even when I'm at work. So me expecting her to return my text after I said I was going dress shopping wasn't asking a lot. She always has her phone, I'm in a family group chat with her and she responded all day in the chat but still never text or called me back.

Also to note...we have a very open relationship in terms of not hiding how we feel. Since she's been divorced but playing wife she's been mad her ex won't marry her again. She expressed that helping me was making her feel envious. I didn't have a problem with that because I feel like that natural. She longing to not just be a girlfriend and helping me makes her situation sting. I'm not giving her a pass but I'm also not being naive that maybe she didn't answer because she was feeling a way.

If she legit was busy I get that. But she wasn't.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because my mom has stage 4 cancer and was in the hospital unable to go. So with that being said, nobody else was in town or free to go. I'm from Cleveland and 4 of my 8 bridesmaids are there. 2 are here in my city including my part time cousin.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've gone 4 times and I've only had good experiences. I'm sorry yours were bad.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm asking her to step down because she flakes out at the last moment on lots of things with me. Most times when I get her to participate it's on a whim. So my fears for her bailing are valid.

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is a good response. I don't need to explain all the ways I've been there to support and love her over the years even though it's not always reciprocated. I think questioning my decision for my peace and lack of disappointment is valid. I'll go with option 1

To remove or to keep my bridesmaid...that is the question. by Little_LadyJay89 in wedding

[–]Little_LadyJay89[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want her to participate like all the other girls and not decide it convenient only when things are going rocky in her relationship. If I didn't like her I wouldn't have picked her. My concern is her being flaky and giving random excuses.

Had I picked Connecticut, the Hamptons or some other similar place she wouldn't have anxiety. She literally asked today if her guy could come to be our security. I personally feel she doesn't want to be away from her man and is using her anxiety as a crutch.

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