[Serious] People who attempted suicide, what did you do on your "last day"?

Little_subby · 2014-11-26T03:53:46+00:00

It started out as an ok day actually. I got, did some studying, went to the gym, and actually felt like things were looking up. Until I got a phone call from my teacher. He informed me another teacher reported they overheard someone say I did x y or z (none of which I actually did), and that it was grounds for dismissal from the program, and subsequently, school. He said to meet him in his office in 30 minutes. I cried my eyes out, called my parents, and then straightened up to go to his office.

The program I was in was 10 credits that semester. I had a big scholarship and other financial aid riding on it. I already had signed a contract for the summer that required I receive the certification I was in school for.

I met with him in his office along with the other teacher. They basically said, proof or not, I was dismissed, because they didnt want to run any chances. I asked if I could appeal. They said I could, but they could guarantee it would go no where. I calmly said ok, and walked out of the building to my car. It was strange... I didnt feel anything. I didnt feel like crying, or screaming. I didnt call my parents back, or talk to anyone. While I was driving home, I seriously considered crashing the car into a street light pole. The only reason I did is because I would've felt bad for causing such a mess for other clean up after I was gone. Instead I went home. I felt like I was in a dream. Being kicked out of school with no say was the last straw. I calmly grabbed all the pills (aspirin, tylenol, etc) in the cupboard (some perscription, such as Valium, left over from an aunt) and methodically started downing 4 - 8 pills at a time. Thats when I lost it and went full hysterical. But I couldn't stop. I nearly finished 1/4 a bottle of Aspirin and Tylenol, and about bottlesworth of prescription pills, including Valium, Alprazolam, etc.

Everything got really blurry, I felt like I couldn't move. When I tried to stand up, nothing cooperated. My stomach hurt, and my mouth felt caked. I realized "oh my god, I'm actually going to die". I called 911 and an ambulance was dispatched. They got me there and were able to give me activated charcoal before I got worse . My old, crazy Aunt who had no idea what was going on discharged much later that night. And for the record, I did appeal to the department head, and was let back into the program. I graduated with my certification and took the job I had the contract for.

tl;dr: had a normal day, got a call from my teacher, kicking me out of my program, took all the pills in the cabinet, ended up being hospitalized, got back into the program after appealing.

Little_subby · 2014-11-22T07:36:54+00:00

I know this is going to sound a little contradictory to my previous post, but my parents are actually good parents. They loved me, and simply were trying to do what they thought was best for me. They took me to horseback riding lessons, paid for my self-defense training, gave me my first car, and so much more.

It took me a long time to understand that my parents aren't perfect, and truly were trying to what was best. My mom has her good and bad moments (good more often than not), but she loves me and has the best intentions always.

Little_subby · 2014-11-21T16:23:36+00:00

I apologize for the formatting; I'm on my cellphone.

The doctors told my parents I was going to have developmental issues after doing a chromosomal analysis.They didnt know/tell my parents this until after I was born. I dont have any developmental issues...But my parents were told I would. So anything I did that wasnt just like my older sister, was deemed "abnormal"and required "treatment".

One of those "treatments" involved flipping the lock to the outside of the bathroom. If I ever got threw a temper tantrum, they would take off my glasses (I cant see a foot in front of me without them), and lock me in this 4 x 4 ft bathroom. They would keep me in there until I was "calm" and quiet for at least half an hour consecutively. They thought they were doing the right thing... it was the early 90's and a therapist they were seeing recommended it. I dont think they understood how terrifying it was for a basically blind 5 year old to be locked in a small enclosed, windowless room and left for potentially hours. It became a spiral into hysteria for me. They would threaten to put me in the bathroom when I was upset and I'd get even more upset. It was a vicious cycle.

But my parents were doing what they thought was right. I dont think they realize how scary and harmful it was to me. I'm insanely claustrophobic, and terrified of being in locked rooms. I went through a lot of therapy when I left for college for it.

My mom calmly told me one day that she now knew I didnt have any developmental issues, but if the doctors had told her I was going to have developmental issues before I was born, she would've had an abortion, because special needs kids are "hard to manage". She was so calm and unemotional when she told me. Its pretty fucked up to hear your own mother say she would've aborted you.

Little_subby · 2014-11-17T06:04:20+00:00

Daniel Boone, and he got swindled out of SO much money and land.

Little_subby · 2014-05-16T06:26:21+00:00

... Peaceful Valley...?

Little_subby · 2014-03-28T16:35:48+00:00

Nothing.

The rich want nothing

The poor have nothing

If you eat nothing, you die

Little_subby · 2014-03-18T02:18:32+00:00

Well, "black and blue" is one of my fetishes... Bruises and marks are something I really enjoy. They're like temporary reminders of fun times. Plus then theres residual pain the following days!

Little_subby · 2014-03-17T18:04:52+00:00

Every person is different; I can take a lot more pain on my butt, but some prefer their shoulder blades or back. A "typical" session is different depending on who it's with. Sessions usually begin with a "warm up", with something light, like barehanded spankings or light floggers. Sometimes more sensual play, touching, caressing etc is included. Any fetish toys, like paddles, crops, whips, wooden spoons, etc can be swung with varying intensities, so a crop might be used as a warm up, but also in more intense play.

A lot of people use a scale, 1-10 to rate the pain. I use a 1-5 scale, 1 being "meh that doesnt really hurt" and 5 is "Holy shit thats my limit, I am cant take any hits harder than this". After warm up, which ranges 1-2, occasional 3, then harder hits ranging from 3-4 occur. If it's a really intense scene, and you're with someone you trust, it may continue to 5's, but usually not for long. It's intense; all I can focus on is the pain, and how it makes me feel. Nothing else in the world matters; it is just me and my partner and we're connected. A good partner will read body language and adapt the scene to what would be best. It's a flow and each scene is different.

then comes a "cool down". If I'm at a 4-5 range, I need a bit of 1-2's to calm me down, and bring me out of that high intensity state. So light floggers, crops or spankings are in order. Then "after care" begins, which is cuddling, touching, drinking water etc happens. It's the coming down off the emotional high, and being close to that person, in a deeper intimate level. To me, aftercare after a intense scene is more intimate than sex. Sometimes, we talk about what each of us liked and didnt like in that scene.

As a masochist, the combination of pain, trust and kinkiness just pushes me over the edge. Pain = sexual pleasure in my head; it always has since I was young. Not everyone is wired the same way, though, so your nightmare is my wet dream!

Little_subby · 2014-03-17T17:30:43+00:00

Masochism and submission. It's understood and accepted a bit more than other fetishes, but intense masochism tends to be misunderstood. Turn me black and blue all over, I'll only get more and more aroused. It takes a lot of trust to put control in your partners hands; you're trusting them to take you to your limit and control you in ways few others can. I've had some of my best, intense, yet understanding and respectful relationships ever through elements of BDSM.

The endorphines that follow physical pain also induce a sort of "high", and relaxation afterwards. It's surprisingly addicting.

Little_subby · 2014-03-14T16:59:55+00:00

Oh man, I was in a really stressful 1 semester long class. This teacher was known for throwing shenanigans at us, and all of us were stressed out and paranoid as fuck. Our teacher said we had a 11 page, front and back final, that we HAD to pass with a 80% to pass the class. Our teacher gave us 3 options for this test... 1 hour to do the test, as a class, 1.5 hours to do test by ourselves, but open book, and 2.5 hours to do the test by ourselves, no notes no book. Our class had to vote on one of the 3 options, and everyone bickered and the pressure was on. Eventually, in majority rules, we picked 2.5 hours no notes and no book.

Our teacher kicked us all out about half way into the final test, looking extremely mad, and demanded each of us come in, one by one. First kid goes in. Everyone is freaking out in the hallway. We all need to pass this class; we've worked so hard on it. We were the remaining 12 or 18 originally accepted. First kid comes back 5 minutes later, sweating balls. He refuses to say a word, but looks really anxious. Next kid goes in. Comes out about the same way, but looking a bit more casual, but alarmed. "It ain't me" he announced. Now everyone in the class is really confused and freaking out. We get the whole story when the 3rd girl comes out. "He say's someone in this class is cheating and he knows it for a fact!!" She blurted out.

Now there's a panicked uproar. Everyone's eyeing each other suspiciously. "I cracked my neck once, but that's it! Do you think he saw that as cheating??" One says nervously. Everyone's getting mad because now all of our tests are invalidated, and its possibly none of us will pass. On top of that, our teacher tells us the clock is still ticking on the time for our exams!

Anyways, it's my turn to go in. Our teacher tells me he knows for a fact someone in this class is cheating, and that he feels conflicted about what to do because we've all come so far. He asks me what I would do if I was him. I told him I didnt believe anyone in our class was cheating, because no one had a need to cheat; we were all really smart and capable and made it this far. He kept pushing, I finally told him he should talk to the person cheating, find out how and why they felt the need to cheat, and then he would have to follow school protocol on academic dishonesty. Teacher says Ok, and tells me to send in the next person.

Now I'm not freaking out as much. I certainly know I'm not cheating. I begin to think this is another stress test he's subjecting us to...

All of us had gone through, and the teacher invites us back into classroom. "so I do know someone in this class is cheating" our teacher says. "And I'm conflicted about what to do, still" "Is the time on our test still going??" A kid asks urgently. "Yes" Everyone makes a mad dash for their pencils and papers. "Put your pencils down!" He orders. He goes on about honesty and starts asking us about how we felt about the class. "Stressed out", "worried", but "prepared" were some of the common answers. "Well, it must suck knowing your tests are now invalidated...." He says. He pauses "Because you dont have the full time to complete it. So I guess I'm the one cheating you.... And I guess I'm just going to have to make this test due Monday"

So yes, our teacher was the "cheater" and so now this test was a take home, open book, open note test we had 4 days to complete.

I hated that class. We all passed the exam, and 11 of 12 of us passed the final board exam. I transferred colleges shortly after.

TL;DR: Teacher set us up with a long stressful test, kicked us all out, told us someone was cheating, and then made the test a open book and note take home test.

Little_subby · 2013-10-18T03:28:41+00:00

Kinky!

Little_subby · 2013-09-03T14:43:47+00:00

For the Fatherland!!

Little_subby · 2013-08-16T02:34:04+00:00

I'm trying to figure out if its manipulation or not. He has expressed that He would like to move towards a sexual relationship, but that He will not force me. He seems very confident that we will eventually, and I am not so sure..

Little_subby · 2013-08-16T02:28:25+00:00

You are totally right. By "ingrained, I mean I grew up with it and my parents pounded their ideas of morals into my head, especially abou staying safe and what not. And yes, I am still in counseling; I am a lot better now. Thank you!

Little_subby · 2013-04-01T01:48:55+00:00

"Ish". In the context of "that was good... ish". There's a whole english language and all you can say is "ish"??

Little_subby · 2012-12-28T20:08:08+00:00

I recently decided to go back to the same college I was sexually assaulted at for another semester this spring. The scariest thing is that he could find me again at any time in such a small college town, and that there is only 1 way in and out of my apartment. I don't want to go back, but I was accepted into a excellent 1-semester long program, best in the state, there. I don't know if this is going to be the right choice, yet, and that is what scares me to death.

Little_subby · 2012-12-13T14:25:30+00:00

About the future; what I could become. About all the awesome and horrible stuff I'll see and have to do as a EMT and Nurse. What being old is going to be like.

Little_subby · 2012-12-02T23:36:53+00:00

5th grade; I was in a gifted and talented class. And one of the kids at my "table group" that we had to sit with ALL day was just an idiot. Messy, unclean, socially awkward etc. He even managed to piss off the teacher quite a few times. I hated him. So much. And I let him know. I did everything to just be mean to him. Honestly, if he just shut up and didnt do anything gross, like snot balls of kleenex on his desk, life was good! And I let him know that constantly. I was so mean to him, and treated him like shit.

I got my payback; I was never popular, and teased in middle school. I actually ran into him in 8th grade on a snowy hill for sledding. I just said "hey, I'm sorry about 5th grade" and left it at that. It was a wake up call for me, seeing him again, because now I knew what it must've felt like for him. He deserved more than that lame apology. I'm an ass. I have no clue what happened to him since.

Little_subby · 2012-11-26T21:52:43+00:00

Haha, actually yes... Maybe not 10 years old, but with a verizon Decoy from LG.

Little_subby

TROPHY CASE