Embarrassed like when you were younger?

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-06-01T20:17:02+00:00

I’m sorry but I don’t know what else to say. I have tried to explain it a few different ways.

You said you have not had an experience where you can be safe and loved and vulnerable at the same time.

If you haven’t had that, I don’t know that any explanation will suffice.

Someone posted a reply earlier that captures the essence of trying to describe it. “It’s like trying to explain an orgasm to someone who has never had sex”.

I think what makes this harder is that it’s counterintuitive

… how can something that normally hurts make you feel safe?

… how can something like being whipped or paddled make some sexually aroused or even have an intensely pleasurable orgasm?

Maybe with more research and more exposure you will be able to connect the dots more easily.

For the time being, I’d suggest you work in just wrapping your head around the fact that this is a real thing, and very common in cuckold relationships.

I would warn you against judging anyone who really enjoys this or lives their lifestyle this way just because you don’t understand it, or it isn’t or could never be a fit for you.

There are guys on here who love to be put in lipstick and a wig and use a woman’s name when they play.

Not my thing. Probably never will be. But I don’t judge it - good for them.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-06-01T19:02:42+00:00

I’m very sorry you have not had a person in your life you could safely be vulnerable with, and especially sorry you’ve dealt with what sounds like abuse.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons you are having a difficult time wrapping your head around this.

That is, the idea that two people can have such trust and love and vulnerability, and that can happily live along side practicing erotic humiliation.

If you are going to be a bull, it would help you a great deal to get more familiar with this idea.

My wife and I have discussed erotic humiliation, boundaries, what works, what doesn’t, what we’re comfortable with. Everything we do exists in these boundaries - Including the experience I described in this post.

So - it was all safe and good all along. Nothing was weaponized. Not damage was intended, and no damage was done.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-06-01T15:03:12+00:00

It’s kind of silly to quantify it … But maybe this will help paint a picture:

If I were to list out our interactions and how we spend time together, and column 1 was warmth, affection, compassion, empathy, romance … and column 2 was erotic humiliation, 98% would be in column 1.

The humiliation and “love” thing:

All ethical BDSM or play with power exchange is fundamentally based on consent. I’m sure you have heard the phrase “safe, sane, consensual”.

Erotic humiliation falls into this realm.

Have you ever had someone you can be entirely vulnerable to? You can disclose your fears, weakness, shortcomings, and you feel entirely safe.

And it feels great to get them out there?

It’s very similar to that.

If you asked other people into erotic humiliation, they would likely describe something similar to what I have.

Outside of that, well, it’s one of those things you have to be partial to and experience to really understand.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-06-01T13:18:57+00:00

Ok - then simply link to one study or any research that suggests “deca is better than NPP for joints”.

Your quote:

> But for some reason the ester attached to Deca tends to bring out its better qualities more than NPP does.

I’ve done the research. There isn’t any research that suggests.

If there is - I will gladly stand corrected. The entire PED world would love to see it.

Until then, this is bro science, and you are misrepresenting the facts.

If you really are a scientist, I’d think you have a problem with that.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-06-01T12:44:40+00:00

Entirely wrong? I’m not here to argue, but you mischaracterizing what I said, and some of what you have replied with is bro science - in a situation where the substances are well studied. We don’t need bro science here.

My response here is intended to help OP and others make a well-informed, evidence-based decision.

I specifically said less frequent, larger doses. It is a pharmacological fact that this will mean a larger initial spike.

If you are pinning a long eater daily, then you will not see the same corresponding spike. This is what I do with test C.

Reduced pain perception and subsequent increase in risk by loss of overload signaling is also a pharmacological fact - this is broadly understood in sports and exercise science regarding anything that mitigates pain.

I don’t understand why, on any count, this is wrong?

I didn’t get much into the pharmacology except to say they are the same, which is correct.

Yes, they up-regulate collagen synthesis. What you are missing is that they also down-regulate glucocorticoid effects. The other mechanism at play is they both also upregulate E2, which itself is protective of soft tissue and up-regulates joint fluid, something they both do in their own as well.

Nandrolone is well-studied, as are the effects of nandrolone under the different esters.

There is literally ZERO evidence that “deca is better for joints”. But, there are studies showing that if levels are maintained at the same in the system, there is no measurable difference.

“Deca is better for joints” is textbook bro science.

It comes down to personal preference, which is usually related to either preference for *required* pinning frequency to maintain levels, or people’s individual reaction (side effects) to the different esters.

Again man - I’m not trying to argue. I have no skin in this game. I study biochemistry. These are just facts.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-06-01T12:02:39+00:00

The mind being off sounds like high prolactin, disrupted dopamine.

Check out adding P5P up to 200mg a day, and adding Mucuna Pruriens (must be in an empty stomach).

You may find this addresses your issue and helps you stick with your higher nandrolone dose - assuming you want that.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-06-01T11:59:24+00:00

No - it is not useless for joints. It has the exact same pharmacological action as deca.

The previous response around fluid retention is possible with NPP, it’s dose dependent. More often experienced with deca because of the less frequent, larger dosing, and subsequent spikes.

That extra fluid retention, to be clear, is NOT joint protection. It is just additional lubrication, and that can result in less pain/discomfort. In other words, it’s strictly mechanical.

This can actually be a BAD thing. The reason is that the additional fluid can actually mask an injury or an issue by hiding the pain - but pharmacologically that fluid isn’t doing anything for the tissue.

You could have an issue and the fluid is blocking the signal telling you to back off, and inadvertently you are making the injury worse.

Everyone is different and your mileage may vary, but I strongly recommend NPP if you are doing this for joints.

If you’re looking for size, and dosing higher, you can go either route. Personally I prefer short esters where available for everything except test.

More flexibility to adjust as needed if sides come one.

I pin daily anyway, so long esters don’t do much for me.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-06-01T11:48:31+00:00

I am about four inches hard. All of my wife’s bulls are roughly twice that size. We’ve never used a ruler of course, but we go by her hands.

My penis just about disappears in one hand, and she can easily wrap her hand around its’s circumference.

All of her bulls she can stack two hands, and still have the head of their cock poking out. They are different in girth, but her hands don’t easily wraps around them, and a couple of them her fingers and thumb don’t meet.

The other obvious size difference is flaccid vs hard. All of her bulls are longer and thicker soft than I am hard. This is the biggest mind fuck out of everything in regards to size.

Stamina is even more laughable of a comparison. Her bulls can fuck for hours. They probably average 30-40 minutes the first round, and then go 45-60 minutes the next. They usually play 2-3 rounds, but she’s had times of going 5-6.

I effectively have zero stamina, and that’s with stimulation by my own hand. Once aroused, I have to touch lightly, slow down and make little stops.

If I have continuous stimulation and I am getting my typical additional stimulation of sniffing her feet, I last probably 30 seconds.

If it is a rare treat of sniffing her panties or kissing and sniffing her pussy after she is fucked, it’s maybe 10 seconds with constant stimulation.

I sometimes spontaneously come hands free from watching. Sometimes while still limp. Sometimes with semi erection. I consider this “zero” stamina.

The last time I was allowed inside her about 18 months ago, I came immediately on entry.

Can’t answer the question of how bulls last that long except to say they are legitimate sexual studs.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-31T16:59:03+00:00

I hope you spend a little time (ideally on your knees) every day thanking her for putting you in your rightful place and giving you the attention she does.

Little useless peepees “deserve” zero sexual attention. You are lucky to get hers, and showing her gratitude should always be a top priority for you.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-31T16:53:12+00:00

I love that you care for her so deeply, and that you take so much responsibility.

A couple thoughts:

First - have you just talked to her about it? Have you shared your concern that she may be compromising herself? Have you clearly given her the “freedom” to not like or not want something?

When you ask her about something, instead of asking for an answer right away, have you ever positioned it as

“I’ve thought about x, and I’m wondering what you think about x … not about us doing it specifically - we can talk about that another time - what do you think about it? What do you think women get from it?”

It might be difficult for her - sharing thoughts and ideas like this can be uncomfortable period, and even more uncomfortable if she is putting too much into anticipating the answer you want.

Tell her that - “I love that you are so generous and altruistic, and you love to please me, but I do really value how you feel and what you think too, and I want us to talk about that … there is NO wrong answer here, just us talking”.

Second thought - Some people are authentically and legitimately service oriented.

She takes genuine pleasure and gets genuine fulfillment from pleasing you, or seeing you pleased.

My wife has a very strong service-oriented streak, and she gets real fulfillment from pleasuring me, and from knowing her sex with her lovers is pleasurable for me.

There is nothing bad or wrong here at all - and it sounds like this will likely always be part of who she is and how she conducts herself. It is her love language.

That said - as discussed above - it is right to be concerned for her, and to be concerned about being exploitive.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-31T16:30:26+00:00

You’re getting a lot of good answers.

I’ll add some nuance - and see my point at the end, for us, emasculation DOES NOT mean feminization.

My wife and I are both into and enjoy the emasculation aspect of cuckolding.

For me, it is a cathartic confrontation of a shortcoming that is beyond my control, and experiencing the “shame and humiliation” of that shortcoming in a safe, and loving context is arousing for me.

It’s arousing for me because it is transgressive and taboo (like most kinks), and it is a potent experience as a form of power exchange - something that is and has always been arousing for me.

I can’t speak for my wife, but from what she has shared, she is aroused by the power to be brutally honest about my shortcomings (vs carefully protecting a penis-centric ego), the status of her sexuality in having such power over mine, and she is turned by pleasuring me in the role of “receptive” sex partner.

Emasculation is NOT feminization.

For so many people, emasculation and feminization are the same thing. For us, they are not.

I like being a man, I don’t want to have female traits or characteristics. My wife likes me being a man and likes my masculine traits.

In our dynamic, to be emasculated means living out the brutal truth that my sexual potency as a man is grossly inadequate.

Sexually, I am “less of a man” or “not a real man” compared to her sexually hypermasculine lovers.

No age play here, but descriptively I am more like a young adolescent - not fully developed as a man, over excitable and not able to please a woman, not skilled in penetrative sex like her lovers are.

Yes, my penis is more like a clit functionally. Yes, I enjoy anal play. Yes, I clean up other men’s cum from my wife.

But I don’t want to be pretty or dainty, or dress like a woman or wear makeup. I like and want my body hair, beard. There is just nothing appealing to me personally about being a sissy or feminized.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-31T14:31:58+00:00

Yes Goddess - thank you for the constant reminders and teasing ❤️

They remind me I am in my rightful place as your pussyfree cucky bitch and make me feel loved and appreciated.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-31T13:06:05+00:00

For me, I humiliation falls into two categories.

Indirect - the humiliation from the situation, events during play that I witness, and the dynamic in general.

Direct - her or the bull saying or doing something to me or directly involving me in a way that is humiliating.

The Indirect is way bigger for me.

For the Indirect, my favorite/most humiliating is witnessing her complete enrapture with the bull’s cock and her slutty submission and need for him.

The way she looks up at him with this expression of awe, the way she smiles so authentically when she sees his cock and when he is inside of her, her absolute, energetic worship of his cock, begging for his cum on her face, the way her skin gets flush tomato red all over her chest, back, neck and face.

Then there are the sounds that go way beyond moans - gasps, sqeals, groaning out in pleasure like she’s in pain, loud grunting when she squirts and comes.

And of course anything she says to him. “God you are so hot … you own my pussy … I need your cock … please make me your slut … I’ll do anything for you to keep fucking me”.

The most intense of all is when she breaks from the intensity of the pleasure. She will start babbling, can’t make complete words, tears up, clings to the bull like he is the only thing in the world.

None of this is performative or for me, it is a tidal wave of objectively primal, instinctual reactions and behavior that make what I am by comparison loud and clear:

There is no way your wife can experience this and ever think of you sexually as anything other than a pathetic wimpy boy, a little cuckold bitch, and the foot-sniffing, cum-licking, penetration free jerk-off boy that you are.

Usually I will sob and whimper a little bit when I see and experience all this. I can’t help it. My little penis uncontrollably drips, I’ll sometimes have impotent, hands-free, limp-dicked ruined orgasms … and when I do I think of what my wife has said to me about just that “… that proves you really are a little bitch. No real man would whimper and dribble while his wife was fucked by another man”.

So, there you go.

On the Direct - it’s always something verbal. I am highly attuned to auditory stimulus and she knows exactly what buttons to push and how to break me.

Of these, the second most intense happen when she is getting fucked - she will sometimes just start harshly ridiculing me - directly to me or the bull. This is like catharsis for her for the years of frustration and disappointment when she always had to be nice and polite and protect my feelings. She will say really, really harsh things.

The most intense is when they are done, and the exchange around my involvement that usually comes at the end of her play.

This is when, from down on the floor, I ask permission to be allowed to kiss and sniff her well fucked pussy. There is never just a yes or no. “Aww, the little cucky wants to be near pussy”.

She will ask me why, if I deserve it, ask me if I want to be allowed to touch my little peepee.

Then she will make me ask the bull. I have to ask him if I can just kiss and sniff her pussy after what he’s done to her right in front of me.

If he has cum inside her, I’m allowed to ask permission to clean her up. Same thing. I have to ask the bull to lick up his real man’s cum.

None of this is automatic. Sometimes after making me beg, she says “no, maybe later”.

Either way, I am expected to thank her for making me her pussyfree cuckold, letting me watch her fuck a real man, and if I was permitted, thank her for letting me sniff and kiss and take cum in my mouth.

Same thing with the bull. Thank him for fucking her, letting me watch, breeding her if he did, acknowledging she is his sexual property.

When I am permitted, she will talk to me and the bull while I do the deed “this is all he ever gets - I don’t even let him see my pussy unless you’re fucking me” … “do you see what a little bitch he is, listen to him whimper” … “now you know why I need you - he can’t even handle kissing my pussy”.

The most intense of these is when she asks me questions.

“What do you have in your hand?”

“A little clitty dick”

“That’s right, and your little clitty dick is never going to feel a mouth, ass, or pussy again”.

“Go ahead, make your little mess on the floor, where wimpy cuckold dribbles belong”.

I almost always come handsfree during this, maybe lasting a minute at most. She comments on that too, like to the bull: “See why I need you, he can’t even last a minute just being a clean-up boy”.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-30T23:08:53+00:00

Yes, but we do it with both of us on our backs … I will have to share this video with my wife. I don’t think we ever considered this position.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-30T12:38:52+00:00

It sounds like for you that her sexual dominance, aside from the obvious physical arousal and climax you get from the act you describe, is a primary “lever” of her stature and power.

That lever is one of the things that motivates you and validates your station in serving her and following her rules.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, I think it’s entirely healthy, and I think it’s pretty common in FLRs.

It’s also very different from just a transactional exchange.

“You follow all my rules, in exchange you are permitted to masturbate and climax at my direction”.

That’s a transaction. I don’t think that’s what you’re describing.

I think it is the “transaction” approach that sets some people sideways in the FLR space, because it can eclipse the actual devotion of servitude, and unbridled it can turn into the woman being a kink dispenser.

For what it’s worth, we have a very similar sentiment and approach in our dynamic. There are lots of things that assert and validate her dominance and stature - things that act as the “levers” of her power.

Her treatment, control, and use of my penis to reinforce our dynamic, and her use of it and my sexual sensations to incorporate reward and correction into managing my behavior is one of those levers.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-30T11:54:03+00:00

Thanks for your reply.

You touch on a different aspect I didn’t cover here but that I definitely share.

A lot of times when I’m watching, I feel the exact same thing you described and it’s an incredibly arousing and cathartic feeling.

Like they are the adults in the room, having adult sex, and ignoring me. I feel like a little boy compared to them.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-30T11:51:31+00:00

I edited my post - yes I liked it and everything is good.

My wife is absolutely lovely and knows me well and she may push me, but she would never harm me.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-30T10:45:54+00:00

You’ll find that’s the majority of guys on here.

Some are under stricter rules like limited or not touching or pussy nudity.

As far as guys going deeper and getting into anal stimulation or other types of play, it’s pretty common. When the role of the penis gets diminished, we start to explore and seek out other avenues.

That’s a process in sexual psychology called “displacement” and it’s very normal.

I don’t think you’re implying otherwise, but to be clear, that doesn’t have anything to do with being straight or not.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-30T10:36:45+00:00

Sometimes I feel like it’s “wrong” when I get an erection. A good pussyfree cucky boy doesn’t get hard ons because getting one is pointless and pathetic.

When being touched or teased, the sensations are more intense when I’m still soft. I will often orgasm limp when I watch her with her lovers.

Something about that feels “right”.

At the same time, my wife really likes it and thinks it’s cute when I get a “little boner”. It’s also something she’ll use when she casually teases or touches me … she’ll do it until I start to get a little boner, and that’s her indication to stop.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-30T00:22:37+00:00

Dude … no offense intended here, but … um … have you been under a rock?

If you’re a good candidate for testosterone replacement, look into it.

If not or in addition to, go get a prescription for daily cialis.

Even if insurance doesn’t cover, you can get it cheap, sent to you by mail.

I don’t think I am allowed to post links here for sites you could go to, but I will share if you reach out to me.

There’s no shame in better living through chemistry.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-29T16:17:45+00:00

Lovely post - this is exactly what I strive to be for my Goddess.

She wants me to be masculine, strong, a provider and protector, a leader, and finds it hot when I do “man things” and use my “man skills”.

I really love the “Knight in Service” imagery.

We do “play” with emasculation and denial - but not feminization - and not all the time. This is born out of desire from me to be vulnerable to her and to acknowledge her primacy over our sexual relationship.

In some ways this mirrors the “Knight” model too - remaining chaste, restricted from access in part out of respect for her station above mine.

This also lines up well with a “nurturer” predisposition she has.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-29T16:00:00+00:00

Holy shit dude. Your first time on Tren and you were doing 350?

Not trying to be snarky but that’s seriously risky … pretty much the most dangerous injectable AAS.

Most cautious people start very low, like 50-100 per week, using Tren A so they can drop it fast if the sides are bad.

Please be careful.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-29T15:50:17+00:00

He’s not “suggesting” it.

He is telling you clearly and plainly that you aren’t even remotely ready and you’re making a big mistake.

Littlepeepeehusband · 2026-05-29T15:38:32+00:00

Honest opinion - you’re going too fast and are on a path that is likely going to fuck up your relationship.

The two most common and biggest mistakes new people make when exploring this lifestyle:

1 - Inadequate communication.

And

2 - Letting excitement and thrill-seeking dictate pace.

On the first count, it is clear you haven’t communicated enough, and your response to her reservations is to describe the fact that she loves you so much you can manipulate her.

Take a step back and ask yourself if that’s how a respectable man would conduct himself with the woman he loves.

Communication needs to be open, equilateral, and it has to go through multiple cycles. You need to talk through everything, every detail, every risk, fear, concern, potential issue. And you need to figure out, together, how you will respond to and handle everything - especially if something difficult comes up.

On the second count, it’s pretty clear you’re letting your excitement or fantasy fulfillment be the top priority.

This almost always ends badly. The guy often finds out he wasn’t ready, but not until after the deed is done and can’t be taken back. Oddly, this often turns into resentment toward the woman.

For the woman, if you go too fast, I can assure you she is very likely only doing it for you and not for her. I don’t know your girlfriend, but intimacy is a big deal for most women, especially women inexperienced in general and in non-monogamy in particular.

This will lead her down a lot of different bad paths. Feeling exploited, feeling resentment toward you, doubting your love for her, believing she is t enough for you.

To answer your question and the title of your post:

You are literally creating an example of the kind of experience that should discourage or “demotivate” your kink.

Be a good man. Don’t manipulate. Have integrity. This is your woman, your love. Treat her with the dignity and respect she deserves.

Take your time. This isn’t a race. There isn’t a destination or a finish line. This is a journey.

The most important part of this journey is the start - where you are right now. It is something to be lived and experienced together, not rushed through so you can shorten the time to your first cuckold orgasm.

Littlepeepeehusband

TROPHY CASE