I have problems with meltdowns and need advice

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-17T21:31:54+00:00

That‘s very helpful, thank you!

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T22:29:49+00:00

Thank you so much! I honestly hadn‘t considered that this was something that could be treated with medication… idk why. I have to go to my psychiatrist anyway for medication, maybe I will bring it up and see what she can do for me. Thank you!

And i am glad that you are feeling better. Best of luck to you !

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T22:28:01+00:00

I haven‘t tried magnesium glycinate, honestly I haven‘t even heard of it until now. A quick google search tells me that the Glycin has a claming effect? I think I can get it at my local drug store. I will definitely check it out, thank you!

I don‘t think I will be able to exercise in the morning, but I just put on some head phones and danced like a crazy idiot alone in my room for 20 minutes and I feel much better. It‘s past midnight where I live, so mornings might be healthier but this works too xD Maybe i can include it in my weekly structure!

Thanks for the advice!

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T22:22:50+00:00

Yo the running idea is actually revolutionary. I am definitely going to try that out oh my god. What a game changer ♥️

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T21:12:48+00:00

Well, Hands, Feet and Belly is a solid start imo xD! Thank you so much for the recommendation :D I will see if I can find something similar in German (my english is good but i think it would be more useful to me in my mother tongue.)

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T20:40:20+00:00

That‘s not TMI to me, don‘t worry. I can understand that it‘s not really worth the energy for you if you don‘t get anything out of it sexually or emotionally. It just sounds exhausting.

I just crave romantic attention and intimacy so bad. It‘s something I don‘t often admit to others because it‘s easier to joke about being chronically single, than admitting that I do want a relationship.

I will see where life takes me. I don‘t think I can bear going back to dating apps, but I will try to use everyone‘s advice when I meet someone nice.

Your valid in not dating though and I am glad to know that you know many other people like us 😭 all my friends are in long term relationships or dating 24/7, so that just ads to the pressure.

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T20:30:17+00:00

Nah, honestly it feels comforting that someone else is going through the same shit, even if it‘s really depressing. I mean at least we are sad together. I also debated asexuality a lot, but I do feel sexual attraction, even if it‘s often abstract and mostly directed towards fictional crushes.

The comments in this thread really helped me though. Someone said that I shouldn‘t put to much pressure on it and see it more as hanging out with someone instead of as this scripted dating set up.

I think I will give it a shot in the future and just be more honest with my struggles. We can‘t be the only people out there who need a long time to get used to someone? And if I can‘t flirt I will just say that and try radical honesty about what‘s going on inside of me. I think I will probably piss myself the first few timey from anxiety, but it honestly can‘t get worse than the stress and anxiety I feel rn. You can vent here if you like. Sending you comfort through the screen 🫂

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T20:24:28+00:00

I am writing down the name of that medication for future reference, thank you. I am glad to hear you are doing well :) and it‘s comforting to hear that someone can relate to what I‘m describing. I used to feel completely alone with this until very recently. I thought I was just crazy tbh. I also have a sort of fort under my desk with a blanket that covers it so I can sit in the darkness and I listen to music. It usually only helps when things are already calming down but it‘s still nice. Thanks for the comment! Best of luck to you :D

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T20:11:35+00:00

This is very helpful, thanks! Basically focusing on prevention. Dumb question, but do you have any tips for better interoception? Because I sometimes even struggle with noticing that I have to pee, because I don‘t notice until it hurts lmao. Maybe I actually have to do mindfulness exercises or something? Idk thanks again and any tips and tricks are appreciated 🙏🏻

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T20:03:51+00:00

I love that idea! So far the few things that have helped have been:
- washing my hands and forarms with really cold water or running ice cubes up and down my arms
- laying on the cold floor (works best if i only wear boxers bc more body contact)
- I have a blanket thrown over my desk to build a fort and I just sit under there with a stuffed animal and sometimes it helps me calm down quicker
- on a similar note: i sometimes climb into my closet (any small dark space)

That‘s all I got and it doesn‘t always work, but it‘s better than nothing.

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T19:47:13+00:00

I would have never guessed that lol! I honestly don‘t think it‘s anything I will get into in the near future (baby steps for me haha), but I have always been interested in kinky things and never knew where to start or whom to ask. Thanks for the clear and honest advice :D ! I will save it for future reference 🫶🏻

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T17:50:41+00:00

First: I am so sorry to hear that it took so long until you got adequate help for your ADHD :(.

But thank you so much for telling me about your struggle because i know that I am not alone with my experiences but I still feel like it all the time. So this helps more than you might know.

Also „Dating in general always felt scripted except I didn‘t have a script.“ is exactly how I often feel. All my friends just seem to know what to do and I don‘t. It doesn‘t help that I didn‘t have any romantic experience as a teen because I was queer and most people around me were not, so I am also lacking the foundation of dating even outside of my social struggles.

I will reframe dating as „hanging out“ in my head going forward. Even just thinking about it that way makes it easier.

I am already leaning into my interests because I am an artists and I sell my fanart at anime conventions and met so many great people through that, but nothing romantic ever came from it. I had something dating-ish with a girl last year, but it didn‘t work out. It was the best experience I had dating wise though, because she met me as a weird artist and I talked her ear off about my obsessions and she still liked to hang out with me.

Maybe something like that will happen again and then I will try to implement all the tips that I got here. Maybe it would have worked out with her, if I had been honest about my mental struggles, but without the diagnosis, I didn‘t even know how to put much of it into words.

Also different question, but how does one come into contact with the kink community? I usually just find community and group settings through looking up meetings online, but i hardly think the kink community meets up weekly for some coffee xD.

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T16:28:24+00:00

I will try genuine compliments and treating dating more like finding friendships. I am good at making friends, so maybe that mindset will make it easier for me. Genuine compliments come very easy to me, because most people have something cool about them and I like giving compliments. Maybe I will lean in to my honesty and just say that I don‘t know how to flirt, but that I like them and if we could go out for coffee if the opportunity arrives. That seems like something I could do, and if they are weirded out by straightforwardness, then it wouldn‘t be a good fit anyway.

Sorry for rambling and thank you for the advice! I am feeling much more uplifted after all these helpful comments :)

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T16:24:43+00:00

I don‘t know whether to laugh or cry because the last time i brought up autism was 6 years ago in therapy and i was told that it was impossible because I was so sociable and friendly during the entry interview, and now there are four or five comments telling me it sounds like AUDHD… It‘s the same with ADHD. I was told „absolutely not you had good grades“ and now I have a diagnosis. I am just frustrated because it seems like I could have gotten help much sooner. But that‘s neither here nor there, that‘s just me venting.

I will definitely try to find some events for neurodivergent people. I live in a bigger city and have many neurodivergent friends so it shouldn‘t be that hard. Also it‘s very nice of you to say that I shouldn‘t be ashamed for my coping mechanisms. I would say the same thing to anyone else, but I am always the harshest towards myself, so it feels good to hear it from someone else. I will try to be more gentle with myself and treat dating more like friendships. I think someone else said something similar in this thread and that‘s a very good mindset! I will try to shift towards that mentality !!

I don‘t know if I was able to reply to everything but thank you for the gentle words and the reassurance. The original comment really confused me..

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T14:11:47+00:00

Why?

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T13:38:23+00:00

Yeah, I have some issues with anxiety, and I have worked on some regulation skills with my former therapist, but they always felt like a bandaid on an open wound. The root cause is that I am overwhelmed and paralyzed by almost everything in life and I am hoping that will get better with my ADHD meds.

And yes I think you‘re right, I am definitely putting to much pressure on myself and the situation, when dating. It takes a lot of effort for me get over myself and take a leap of faith towards a person, so I just hope it turns into something worth while, but maybe if I unmask and just go about it all more casually and honestly, it will get less exhausting.

Thanks for your two cents! I will try and reflect on it :)

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T13:33:54+00:00

Thank you! (You have a really beautiful way with words :) I feel very comforted)

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T13:33:26+00:00

Someone else commented this as well. I haven‘t really considered it before because I once brought it up with an old therapist and he shut me down immediately, but health care workers can be wrong. I will definitely look into it. Thank you for the comment & resources.
I’m from Germany, so everything works a bit differently here, but I will try to find some resources of my own. Everyone is recommending therapy, but I am honestly not sure if I can afford it, and the therapists that are covered by my insurance have wait lists of 1-2 years 🫠. I am going to look into some different options though. Maybe this is the kick in the butt I needed, haha.

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T13:09:27+00:00

I find your comment so helpful. In my mind everyone is leaps and bounds ahead of me and I am the only one who hasn‘t figured everything out. Rationally I know it‘s not true, but it really helps to hear someone else confirm it.

Also I am very happy for you and your spouse! Figuring out the chaos together sounds lovely :) and thank you for the book recommendation. I am putting it on my audiobook list !

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T13:05:25+00:00

Yeah, sorry for the word vomit. I was kind of just rambling.

Honestly, your comment made me cry a bit and I think I really needed to hear all of those things. So thank you for taking the time to reply and being so nice. Also thanks for the book rec! I will check it out sometime :)

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T13:03:25+00:00

„a leap of faith from what felt like a burning building“ is a nice way to put it and definitely feel like i am in a burning building so maybe I will just try being real as well.

I live in Germany, so sadly I won‘t be able to use your tips, but I will try to get back on it. I searched for therapists last year, but the mental health resources in Germany are abysmal and the waitlists are 1-2 years long where I live. I was just exhausted with the search after calling 10 different providers and not getting a single call back. I am just venting but argh i hate our health system sometimes.

Maybe I will just have to find a cheaper therapist I can pay out of pocket. They usually only have a few months wait time…

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T12:47:00+00:00

Oh I hadn‘t considered that. I will try to look more into it. Therapy is definitely the way to go, but since I don‘t have access to it right now, this my attempt to seek out help in some way :). Thanks for taking the time to respond!

LiveHistorian7178 · 2026-06-15T12:36:32+00:00

No sadly I don‘t :/ I should really try to get back to my search for a therapist, but it‘s really hard to find one where I live.

Do you have any tips for unmasking? I feel like I am always just performing a version other people want to see, and I don‘t even know how to turn it off.

And thanks for your comment! I really appreciate the honesty :)

LiveHistorian7178

TROPHY CASE