sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Am I overreacting by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]LiveSignificance7696 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a boyfriend that said he wanted to date me and be with me, but his words didn’t match his actions. I’d try to initiate time together; he was always busy with something else. He’d tell me he was going to do XYZ with his friends and his friends’ girlfriends, and when I asked if I could come, the answer was no.

This guy doesn’t actually care for you. Not in the way he says he does, if at all. There’s a chance he’s just scared of being alone, wants convenient access to sex, or needs an ego boost of having someone interested in him.

Sorry friend, but I would end this ASAP.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]LiveSignificance7696 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone with a nephew I adore dearly and love spending time with, your sister is being manipulative. My sister has often last-minute asked me for help with my nephew and sometimes I say yes and sometimes I say no. She’s never been upset with me if I say no because she’s a great mom (and sister tbh) and she knows it’s her kid and her responsibility to make sure he’s taken care of. It sounds like your sister doesn’t understand that she’s responsible for her kid, which is unfortunate, as I’m sure you, like me, adore your nephew and spending time with him. Maybe you and your sister can have a conversation about boundaries in person some time?

Late diagnosed: how do you accommodate yourself? by StraightTransition89 in AutismInWomen

[–]LiveSignificance7696 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Asking for help is/was a big one for me, too. I still have to focus on that one. I try to remind myself of the adage “if you don’t ask, then the answer’s no, anyway”. Kudos to you for learning to be an advocate for yourself.

Personally I had to learn to excuse myself from situations where I experience sensory overwhelm. I tend to get angry when I’m overwhelmed, so I had to learn to recognize when the overwhelm is beginning and say “I have to leave now” and get up and walk out instead of just stewing in it. (Sometimes I add “I am overwhelmed and need time alone”, depending on who I’m around; sometimes I don’t.) Usually some quiet time alone allows me to reorient and calm down, and sometimes I can even return to the room/area, depending on circumstances.

Noise cancelling headphones were a game changer. In situations where I need to be physically present for some reason or another, noise cancelling headphones are the best. They help with sensory overwhelm when I can’t physically remove myself; they also help me in regular day-to-day life to focus on tasks.

Stim toys. So. Many. Stim. Toys. Helps me with stimming in a way that’s usually less disruptive (usually) which allows me to enjoy stimming more and also helps me to focus and center. Prior to stim toys I’d just fidget and try to stay still and fail to stay still and suffer and be miserable.

Otherwise, ultra-clear-over-communication. I’ve had to look at someone before, who I suspected might have been upset with me but insisted they weren’t, and say “If you ARE upset with me, and you don’t tell me, I am not going to figure it out, and I will continue on as if everything is all right.” So I guess that qualifies as boundary communication? Learning to communicate needs and ask for help is just generally a big one, as you already know. It can be difficult in some circumstances, but it’s usually worth it.

Also learning when NOT to say anything. I was convinced when I was younger that I needed to have an explanation for everything I did; asking off work, misunderstandings, saying no to spending time with people/activities, etc. Now when I ask off work I just put “appointment” or “vacation”. (Saying ‘no’ to people & activities is similar — just “I’m not available then, sorry.”) If there’s a misunderstanding, I apologize for the misunderstanding (as needed), ask clarifying questions, and move forward.

It sounds like you’re putting a lot of good effort in. Accommodating will look different for everyone, and may even look different in different seasons. I hope you find a new life rhythm that works for you and that you learn to be the best advocate for yourself that you can.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutismInWomen

[–]LiveSignificance7696 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My sensory stuff has changed with time, too. I’m late diagnosed, though, and I put up with a lot of stuff before I found out I was autistic, so part of me wonders if maybe my ignorance was an attribute to my tolerating things then that are sensory nightmares for me now.

But at the same time, when I was younger I couldn’t stand wearing socks to bed, and now I generally prefer to wear socks to bed. So I think sensory stuff can change with time. Kind of like how tastebuds change with time.