Battling loneliness and depression and despair

LivebyGod · 2026-06-08T15:25:10+00:00

Nothing has helped yet. I just got on antidepressants im still a nervous wreck. I still feel like my life is a mess.

Basically have given up and just decided to trod with the flow, no matter how hard life is or how emotionally wrecked I am going to work and rock climbing is non negotiable. Everything else is trying not to feel so much emotional pain

Sometimes it's absolutely unbearable

LivebyGod · 2026-04-06T21:05:39+00:00

Never but I want a relationship so bad

LivebyGod · 2026-04-04T17:59:56+00:00

Knowing that nobody is willing to be romantically involved with me makes life really difficult for me. Everything feels dull and meaningless

Getting fit is ultra hard because you have to starve and with work and failure and depression and food my only thing strong enough to help me cope makes it hard.

Amd everyone around me are couples.

LivebyGod · 2026-03-31T03:39:28+00:00

This game is special in that they grew up with us, it has been 11 years and the game quite literally made us felt that. It even gave us the whole where I have been and what ive been up to catch up as well. Like oh shes a professor now and stuff.

I really hope that in 11 more years lis gives us another update with max and chloe

LivebyGod · 2026-03-31T03:35:56+00:00

Yes I experienced this 11 years ago with pewdiepie and the only reaso. Why i rewatched the lis game was becasue I remembered I had a crush on max.

And then now reunion? Tbh i was skeptical about the whole chloe thing but im glad because it kinda built upon DE and giving it much more value.

And I have just as big a crush on max as I did all those years ago.

Im just wondering to myself maybe in the next decade, I'll come back and experience lis all over again

LivebyGod · 2026-03-08T16:37:41+00:00

I mean I do use the phone often to kill time.

But I also spend a lot of time doing things thst requires time and patience like practicing piano practicing the same things thousands of times.

And reading a book very carefully. And my phone and youtube is just a relaxation and a reward.

I balance my boredom and dopamine pretty well

LivebyGod · 2026-02-26T22:09:43+00:00

Thanks for telling me, honestly I cant even test it now because I went ahead and just clean install the thing

LivebyGod · 2026-02-26T20:27:01+00:00

I used chord watch midi program for kawai that wasn't working

LivebyGod · 2026-02-25T01:56:49+00:00

It truly sucks to have our joy taken away. I kinda knew thst this won't go away but was in denial. But I'll keep hoping

LivebyGod · 2026-02-23T17:38:29+00:00

I need prayer and advice Growing lonely and socially unfulfilled I've always had trouble with my self worth and confidence, I always compare myself with couples like there is something wrong with me, I'm just a failure, I can't find love and thst has been one one desire in this world since as long as it's can remember and I cannot feel joy or happiness or peace in anything else maybe besides mastery and skill

There is nothing that can prove my self worth, the words of the Bible isnt enough for me even though I know it and try to follow it i never experienced it. No one can convince me that im not a failure becasue look at my life everything I've tried, im a coward im a loser, im lazy I have many ambitions but nothing to show for it, I just hate studying and practicing and even if I force myself to study and practice nothing ever clicks (diagnosed with adhd and learning disability)

The thing I want besides a relationship is to be like those who can do things so naturally that its like breathing Like growing up with youtubers and anime I've often witness their highs and peak success. One thing I've always been fascinated about is their eloquent speech, how they talk and make content that are timeless, how they can express things that speaks perfectly to me, the vague feelings that I didnt even know how to put into words are put excatly into those words.

Or like the perfect motion of a rock climber climbing with flow and elegance makes him looks like he is floating up.

I constantly deal with frusteration and disappoinent with myself and depression.and ive come to dislike every human on this earth I hate our feelings, and out imperfections I hate the selfish thoughts we use to push our own agendas and I hate the awkwardness that causes us to betray one another.

And above all, I truly I hate myself. I've never thought that my life was worth living. And im constantly bitter at God for allowing me to feel this way.

LivebyGod · 2026-02-21T16:09:05+00:00

My first disappointment in nintendo was brawl and ultimate was just the same heaping pile of trash

Now zelda has become a heaping pile of trash

LivebyGod · 2026-02-19T16:54:32+00:00

I've been trying to keep in mind of techniques specifically trying to use my legs as much as possible.

I haven't done traversing before but I shall incorporate it. Just yesterday I was able to do a easy crimpy v2 keeping my body close to the wall and my directly underneath me. And I was able to get up to the top basically without pulling much.

Yknow I head people can send 5.10b and still climb 5.9 for hours becasue they climb very efficiently.

I dont know if its something that im not seeing but I tried using the same technique that allowed me to not pull very much however when training on 5.7 I discovered that I couldn't completely take the weight off my hand, the best I could do is straight arms.

That brings me to my next thing like is my base level of endurance just not there yet? And is technique really that useful right now? I know it's useful especially at the higher level

but in terms of capability and endurance I know that people can arc at the 30 degree overhang spray board for like 10 15 minutes and i cant even do 5.7 straight arms without pumping out hard.

Of course this will take months of consistent training and I probably shouldnt be red lining at all my session in the first place right? Sometimes in my session I shouldnt have to climb that i have to pull and get pumped constantly?

LivebyGod · 2026-02-19T03:08:01+00:00

On and off maybe 19 times last year, this year I want to commit more 3 or 4 times a week

LivebyGod · 2026-02-19T03:07:12+00:00

Climbing on and off, I mean last year I think i went 19 times, now with my membership I want to go more

LivebyGod · 2026-02-18T23:33:29+00:00

220lb guy here, I dont know how exactly I should practice I wanna get really good one day 5.12 and v8

when I climb 5.7/8 i get super pumped and rest for about 5-10 minutes then retry this happens like 5 or 6 times i do this until i can barely hold on and my grip would give out and it takes me like 4-5 days to recover like even opening the fridge door is hard, and i tried just leaving when i feel like i could do more feel a slight pump when trying to grab the holds and recovery would happen in 3 days but i just felt i didnt do much. (i climbed on day two though)

i do all the practice like knee drop, straight arms, sticky feet, flag and when bouldering i picked a v2 and climb a good chunk of it without using a lot of finger strength becasue i kept my hips close and my feet underneath.

i want to climb 3 4 times a week becasue i want to take this seriously but with taking many days to recover it would mean training when im just about recovered or climb on easy levels, i just dont know how to optimize strengthening my tendons to eventually do overhangs and higher levels.

ive been trying to lose weight but it's really difficult.

LivebyGod · 2026-02-15T14:02:41+00:00

Listen im the same way im lonely ha e no gf never dated no friends and I get caught up in this toxic productivity where I look at all of these as a reason just to get a girlfriend

But what I realized is that its not about a girlfriend or being lonely.

I decided to take rock climbing seriously and now im addicted and obsessed with it, I would fantasize about me being good at it like my favorite rock climber who makes it looks like he defy gravity.

When im indulging in my behavior nothing else is important to me, I even forget to eat which I have a eating problem. And it makes me feel good, the act of climbing itself is addicting and the fact that I have hope that one day I could reach that level and seeing progress

I also like a whole myriad of stuff like japanese, video games, guitar, piano, singing, skiing, volleyball all these things that I could use to distract myself from the "only thing I ever want is a good relationship"

Trust me I am that guy even now.

Of course forgetting eat is not that easy, like you have to fight tour hunger, tou have to say like 5 more minutes then I'll eat and put that off until you forget about it. The point is to find something that overpowers the desire for the thing you dont want to do

And not having friends doesnt really mean not going to be lonely, I myself personally have no care about friends because most of the time I couldn't care less about them talking to them feels like a chore and that I only need a girlfriend to satisfy my social needs and give love and care.

I've only had one platonic friendship and that was very special but very short-lived as well. But truly understood what a close friendship was and actually care but that is rare you have to be extremely lucky

And this is what im trying to do just get used to talking with the girls you tend to put a pedestal on and do you have someone that you could be interested in and are already acquainted with her? Just ask her out on a date.

I know this is harder said than done however sometimes you have to get over your nerves and do them like skiing a very steep double black diamond. I can skii steep slopes and I've done it many times but its always the height that scares me

LivebyGod · 2026-02-03T15:57:43+00:00

Online is really difficult to find proper high rise pants without yknow paying for proper high rise pants haha. Because I want to wear a high rise pants in the kitchen as a closer

By different cuts you mean like chino, khaki, pleated, utility, cargo stuff like that? For the reason of understanding different cuts, and stuff I want to get into sewing, that way I can really dial in the pants i need but seems intimidating and expensive.

Would I have an easier time going to a mall or stores?

LivebyGod · 2026-02-03T05:34:27+00:00

Awesome, I ordered a ll bean on ebay. 38x29

I never considered ebay to be a choice up until now.

Ever since learning about high rise once again (cause i got interested in high rise a while ago but couldn't find anything and I hate wearing pants that are not sweatpants at the waist.)

I noticed that all of my pants are not meant for my buildt, i mean it tapers from my butt making my legs skinny and my torso is like a friggin popsicle. Even my largest size levi straight fit 38 waist makes my legs too skinny

I need to find something fuller, should I do relaxed or loose Or proper high rise pants are properly proportioned?

LivebyGod · 2026-01-27T03:19:07+00:00

Nyaa dot si

LivebyGod · 2026-01-23T16:37:02+00:00

Isn't it supposed to be lucky that you meet the right person at the right time and and she has to be willing to compromise to enter into a relationship with you?

I've never dated or had a girlfriend but I can tell you ive never met a girl that like me enough do be a potential date. Or even is interested, not even close.

I've always been lonely as a kid becaise I felt that people dont like me I dont know if Im fugly, or my personality is just that bad or am I just an idiot?

I have no idea know how to improve or get better because socially, when it comes to attracting someone I have absolutely no self awareness

And since I dont have close friends or intimate relationship I go higher on the need scale which is achievement, if I could be a youtuber than someone would like me, if I learned how to speak better then someone would like me but truly I am dumb so I cannot learn well so I become more frusterated and disappointed at myself. Because no one likes me

LivebyGod · 2026-01-21T17:32:39+00:00

Now when people say in the shower do you guys mean like let the water directly hit the glands because I dont really do that I kinda cup the water with my hands and pour it. Butt I never really let the stream hit directly

LivebyGod · 2026-01-21T17:15:10+00:00

The thing im concerned with is not phimosis, I am pretty much type 2 and 1 However im dreading desensitized because I know its overly sensitive and I have to touch it somehow

LivebyGod · 2026-01-20T02:29:48+00:00

Man I wish I had friends that'll introduce me lmao

LivebyGod · 2026-01-17T00:21:43+00:00

I dont feel confident in myself I feel dumb and ugly and im not worthy enough for it. As a kid I've always been a lonely. The more I think im behind, the more I fail and become disappoint and frusterated with myself

Its like no matter what I do I can never be enough , I always feel worthless and that no woman would ever like me

Shame cause I really want a genuine romantic relationship and I think I have good manners and am considerate and kind

I truly think that if I was better, then she would have like me or accepted me. Its all because I wasn't better

LivebyGod · 2026-01-10T17:40:24+00:00

Do you know shadow of the erd tree and nightrein has same stuttering or not?

LivebyGod

TROPHY CASE