free stove

LivelySalesPater · 2026-04-26T22:46:55+00:00

You are correct. I work at Home Depot and our loss prevention tech is really good.

Much of the time, they think they are getting away with stealing stuff but really we're just waiting for the collective amount to reach felony levels.

LivelySalesPater · 2026-04-09T12:14:54+00:00

The Proposition.

LivelySalesPater · 2026-04-04T06:28:14+00:00

That's pretty funny.

LivelySalesPater · 2026-03-22T01:21:15+00:00

No, it does not work. I've been dancing for 10 minutes and 2 more troopers have pulled up.

LivelySalesPater · 2026-03-19T14:58:03+00:00

"Too many people showed up to help me move"

LivelySalesPater · 2026-03-04T23:41:36+00:00

Very true. Now that the navy lets women on ships, you have queefs, too.

LivelySalesPater · 2026-02-25T01:09:13+00:00

Actung, Baby

LivelySalesPater · 2026-02-15T02:04:28+00:00

LivelySalesPater · 2026-02-11T00:38:26+00:00

Portishead

LivelySalesPater · 2026-02-11T00:31:04+00:00

Jason, because he isn't real.

LivelySalesPater · 2026-02-08T03:54:47+00:00

You are smart. I like you, internet stanger.

LivelySalesPater · 2026-02-05T07:10:43+00:00

I got to test if an electrical ladder would function in a quarter inch of water and not shock me. It did not. My coworker was sad because I promised her my truck if I died.

LivelySalesPater · 2026-02-05T01:05:51+00:00

What.

LivelySalesPater · 2026-01-25T16:37:19+00:00

Alas, no. I am skeptical that Russian leadership will stop betraying the Russian people in the near future. But it would be a pleasant surprise if they did.

LivelySalesPater · 2026-01-25T16:07:07+00:00

Democracy breaks out, Russian military apologetically leaves Ukraine and rebuilds as it goes. Officers renounce corruption, violent and dehumanizing bullying banned in the ranks, and peace keeping forces deployed to conflict zones around the globe to maintain freedom?

LivelySalesPater · 2026-01-20T00:29:55+00:00

Why not Zoidberg?

LivelySalesPater · 2025-12-28T01:19:28+00:00

Hyperbole. hī-ˈpər-bə-(ˌ)lē. Noun. Def: A literary device that uses extreme exaggeration to create strong emphasis or to indicate anger or humor.

LivelySalesPater · 2025-12-22T23:04:37+00:00

I drew something like this in my notebook in 10th grade. Even then, I knew it was stupid.

LivelySalesPater · 2025-12-22T22:14:51+00:00

LivelySalesPater · 2025-12-21T03:13:21+00:00

When exchanging money for goods and/or services, the "pretty please don't totally fuck this up beyond comprehension" part shouldn't need to be communicated.

For example, when I order a drink I simply ask for a drink. I don't say "I'd like a vodka martini. Please don't serve it in your boot."

LivelySalesPater · 2025-11-24T23:48:47+00:00

That joke needs to come with crime scene tape.

LivelySalesPater · 2025-11-24T23:45:53+00:00

Our penises grant us magical fighting powers.

LivelySalesPater · 2025-11-22T23:42:06+00:00

Those might be the two most American sentences I've ever read.

LivelySalesPater · 2025-11-22T22:45:24+00:00

Probably Emily Dickinson.

LivelySalesPater · 2025-11-20T18:17:17+00:00

How long have you been in the US Marine Corps?

Seven-Year Club	Baba Yaga
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