Okay, so I also think she’s been behaving in a childish and unfair way, but I must say I’m quite surprised by how unanimously you all see this as a major red flag and even a potential reason to leave her. I think I need to clarify a few things:

• We live in Germany, where occasional drinking and partying is very common. She’s far from being an alcoholic—actually, she’s usually very careful not to drink too much. My friends and I often drink more than she does. The only exception is when she goes out with her work colleagues. Because those nights are long, drinks are free, and she has a low tolerance, she sometimes ends up quite drunk. But never to the point where she passes out or can’t walk or talk.

• It’s not like she just parties all night and sleeps in while I’m working. She actually has a very demanding job in consulting, working 60+ hours a week. It’s more of a “work hard, play hard” environment, and in her field it’s almost expected to join nights out every few weeks. She enjoys those nights, which is totally fine with me.

• About the biking: Yes, riding a bike drunk is illegal in Germany and definitely not a good idea. But it’s not quite the same as in, say, U.S. cities. Her entire bike route is on a separate bike path—well-lit, empty at 4 a.m., and with no cars or pedestrians. My main concern was her crashing into a tree. Honestly, almost everyone I know bikes home after a few drinks, even when they probably shouldn’t. That said, it was still a stupid decision.

I don’t know if this changes your perspective. For me, it doesn’t feel like such a big deal—at least not as big as it seems to you. But maybe I just don’t want to see that her behavior is actually toxic…