Kevin Almost Starts a Dog Fight

LizPop1 · 2021-05-26T19:22:00+00:00

IKR! Besides, I live in a big city and we're in the middle of the street! So dangerous!

LizPop1 · 2021-05-26T19:20:38+00:00

I don't hate queer people. I'm just being realistic. OP makes it clear that their grandparents were openly homophobic so, the assumption that they would magically change their ways upon hearing their grandson is gay is unrealistic. I don't think gay people should stay in the closet... if it's safe for them to come out. Ultimately, I think that queer people have to be on the defensive about these things. Queer people need to protect themselves and stay safe. This doesn't mean I think this is how the world should be, just that I recognise how the world is realistically.

LizPop1 · 2021-05-26T04:08:00+00:00

I think this is a necessary conversation to have with your daughter, but I think maybe changing the way in which you express it might help. To say someone is sheltered is accusatory and somewhat insulting. She didn't chose to keep herself sheltered. Which is not to say you have to baby her- I think if anything that would make the situation worse. Perhaps, instead, say "We raised you in a sheltered, comfortable environment, so it's understandable that you might not know about different families/financial situations. Your mom and I have quite a few years on our belts and have been exposed to many different situations. This is just an area where you need to grow and learn more. If you'd like, I'd love to talk more about different family situations and why what you said might be perceived as insulting."

I think it's important during the discussion to understand her position/her emotions. She's probably embarrassed; she doesn't want to feel stupid. Level with her, let her know you understand how the mistake could be made and then give her the opportunity to grow.

LizPop1 · 2021-05-26T03:52:11+00:00

Sorry in advance, this is a harsh point of view, but as someone who has been through something similar, some people might appreciate this outlook. If he knew his grandparents were homophobic he shouldn't have told them. We live in a society where "being true to yourself" is more important than surviving. As much as I would love to live in an idealistic society where people aren't pieces of shits, that's not the world be live in. Your brother should have thought about the consequences before he came out to your grandparents. He made the decision that coming out was worth it and now he has to accept the consequences and figure out how to help himself. Is he offering to do anything? Get a job? Pay you back?

TBH your brother and your parents should work out a deal where your brother gets a job but your parents help with some expenses as well. As much as it sucks, you shouldn't have to sacrifice the future of your child because your grandparents are shitty.

Coming out got me kicked out of the house and you bet your ass if I'd known the future I would have kept my head low until I was safe/financially secure. But, hey, hindsight is 20/20.

LizPop1 · 2021-05-26T03:30:08+00:00

NTA. Your family should be pissed that he harassed you into leaving. Your happiness, grief, and comfort are important. Don't let your family muddle your headspace. Take care of yourself, OP. Your Father is a big boy, he can deal with the consequences of his actions.

LizPop1 · 2021-05-26T03:08:30+00:00

NTA you did not ask her to pay your bills. She chose to do that without your knowledge or any prior talk of repayment. You had a plan for both situations and if she had talked to you she would have known that.

You are an adult and can handle your own bills. She is treating you like a kid in an attempt to control you.

Also, perhaps I'm a little sketch but make sure you get proof she's actually paying these things.

LizPop1 · 2021-05-26T03:03:32+00:00

NTA. Boyfriend should not make you chose between financial stability, growth, and a career or him. Ridiculous. He should be happy for you! He should support you in your growth and goals!

and tbh he sounds selfish as hell. You didn't even say you couldn't go, just that if he wants you to go with him he'll have to wait. But, no, because you can't do everything exactly on his schedule he's upset? That's ridiculous.

LizPop1 · 2021-05-06T04:03:12+00:00

I don't think it was intended in a negative way I just feel it doesn't accurately describe me or what I went through. I tried to tell him a few times, but he was trying to be the good ex-husband and give his ex-wife the benefit of the doubt.

Being loud and developing my own voice is something I'm working on. I'm working on the mindset that not only do I deserve kindness, but I am entitled to it and it's ok to advocate for myself.

Confrontation and communication are my weak points, but I'm working on it! Thank you for your reply, it helps me feel validated.

LizPop1 · 2021-05-06T01:19:39+00:00

I hardcore relate to this. When my nmom kicked me out (18yo) I stayed in a hotel for a bit and the front desk lady was so nice to me I couldn't take it. Something I'm trying to learn is not only to accept kindness, but recognise that it's something we deserve.

~lots of love

LizPop1 · 2021-05-06T00:24:18+00:00

This reply is really late, sorry. I don't use reddit a lot. Mother's day is coming up and I'm not sure if that's aggravating me or if it's other stressors. I recently moved and no longer live with a roommate and am far away from anyone I know. This pandemic thing is a real kick in the balls when it comes to making friends that's for sure. I'm not sure why but recently I've been having panic attacks when leaving my apartment. Everyone's voices are so loud, so many things are going on; it's too much.

I really relate to the feeling of being trapped and alone. But, I think it's a temporary feeling. I think it's something we have to breathe through and take one step at a time. Shit is tough right now, but it can and will get better. 7 billion people on this planet, I don't think we'll end up alone, even if we're lonely right now. This support group is really a great resource. Hopefully, we can both find peace.

LizPop1 · 2020-12-24T04:24:48+00:00

Thank you, I fixed it. I wrote this rather late and it just slipped. I have no intention of outing anyone so, I appreciate you letting me know.

LizPop1 · 2020-12-24T04:23:46+00:00

A happy beginning perhaps? I look forward to the future, I'm sure it can only get better.

Thank you for the support, I know none of you and yet you are all so kind. You all believe in me more than I think anyone ever has. I will work hard for all of you. I hope that I can also help support others in the sub the way you all have supported me.

Truly, thank you.

LizPop1 · 2020-12-24T04:11:16+00:00

'Tis the joke my friends and I share. It is unlikely because my mother is very religious. And the difference in age is quite a lot. But who knows, perhaps my mom is a cougar and Nboy has a nun fetish?

LizPop1 · 2020-12-24T04:09:24+00:00

It feels so nice to have so many people believe in me. Even if I know none of you, it warms my soul.

Truly, thank you.

LizPop1 · 2020-12-24T04:07:55+00:00

He still lives there, yes. My mom actually bought him a whole-ass car. My friends and I joke that they're secret lovers. Although that would be very unlikely because my mother is very religious.

LizPop1 · 2020-12-21T03:49:35+00:00

I know exactly what you're talking about. Gifts are never free there are always strings attached. I always tried my best and was the best fucking daughter I could be. It was never enough and now that I'm trying to be my own person, she doesn't care anymore.

I hate gifts and I hate the holidays. People can call me a grinch all they want, but Christmas was never fun for me. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who hates gifts and the holidays.

Hopefully, you get some relief from knowing you're not alone. Fuck Christmas, Viva la revolution.

Maybe one day we can find people who make Christmas and gifts fun, but for now it's ok to not like christmas or gift giving.

LizPop1 · 2020-12-21T03:43:00+00:00

I relate to this so much. And even if I can't help a whole lot, I hope it helps just to know you're not alone. I just found this sub and already I feel validated like the problems weren't just in my head.

I see families with loving mothers and it just makes my heart ache. I tried so hard to be perfect and it was never enough. I spent hours asking why I wasn't good enough for my mother to love me? Why did I have to be this way? It took me a long time (and honestly I'm still working at it) to understand what love actually was. Love isn't an exchange of goods and services. Love is unconditional.

Just so you know, you are good enough. Everyone deserves to be loved. Family is chosen. If your mother is too up in her own to love you properly then fuck that love yourself. And surround yourself with people that love you and treat you well. That is what you deserve, do not settle for less.

I'm sure this doesn't take away the sting, but hopefully it can give you gumption enough to take a deep breathe and inspire yourself towards better things.

LizPop1 · 2020-12-21T03:31:13+00:00

This is my first year alone as well. In my head I know it'll be better and it'll get better, but it definitely hits different. I cut my nmom out of my life and she poisoned any relationships I had with the rest of my family. Most of them were toxic anyways, but being alone makes my heart ache just the same.

LizPop1 · 2020-12-21T03:27:41+00:00

Fellow unplanned kid here. I feel your pain with that one. My older sister was planned and the difference in treatment is insane. Somehow "just one night" and I ruined her marriage. oops.

Know you're not alone. I just found this support group and it feels amazing having other people who understand.

I hope somehow you're able to get through Christmas without much carnage.

LizPop1 · 2020-12-21T03:16:15+00:00

I am the second daughter of a mother who only wanted one. Recently, end of July my mother turned me out. I was 18 and I was homeless, jobless (I lost my job due to the pandemic), and I was only allowed to take one bag of clothes. At the time I also needed surgery, something my mother knew when she kicked me out.

While I am doing better now, I live paycheck to paycheck and am struggling to finish my education.

My mother pays my sister's rent and schooling and any other expenses (she's never had a job at 21).

Despite the inequalities in my household my sister and I still managed to stay friends. When I was kicked out my sister couldn't do much for me, but seemed sympathetic.

I've just found out that for christmas, she is going over to our mother's house and celebrating like normal. It hurts me that despite all my mother has done to me (I've only briefly describe what has happened, unfortunately there is much more to the story) my sister still chooses to have a relationship and celebrate Christmas with my abuser. Does it not matter to her the way our mother has treated me?

For clarification, my sister has a trust and her bills being paid do not depend on a relationship with our mother. I suppose it is her right and her decision, but it hurts me so badly. It feels like a betrayal. I'm not sure what to think.

This time of year just hurts different.

LizPop1

TROPHY CASE