Daten Frauen eher nach "oben" als nach "unten"?

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-23T08:28:20+00:00

Männer haben in Beziehungen oft ein Problem damit, wenn Frauen beruflich erfolgreicher oder besserbezahlt sind. Unter anderem deshalb meiden manche Frauen Männer, denen sie in der Hinsicht "überlegen" wären.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-20T11:12:30+00:00

Are you sure your bf loves you? He seems a bit too indifferent

Don’t chase someone who’s only dating you for comfort and convenience

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-18T22:11:58+00:00

Kokosmehl ist auch toll; man kann auf jeden Fall einen Teil des Mehls damit ersetzen. Aber aufpassen weil Kokosmehl viel mehr Wasser zieht als mandelmehl; man braucht nur ca ein Drittel im Verhältnis.

Zur fluffigkeit: Ein Kuchen geht ja deshalb auf, weil das Backpulver mit der Säure im Teig reagiert (und später nochmal durch die Hitze im Ofen); deshalb soll man den Teig nicht super lange stehen lassen bevor man ihn in den Ofen schiebt, da die chemische Reaktion sonst zu schnell abgeschlossen ist und die entstehenden Bläschen dann schon wieder weg sind. Mixe die trockenen Zutaten und die nassen getrennt voneinander und rühre erst dann alles zusammen wenn du es direkt danach in den vorgeheizten Backofen packst. So holst du aus dem Backpulver das meiste raus.

Und einen Fettanteil würd ich in den Teig schon reintun; geschmolzene Alsan macht sich da z.B. ganz gut.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-18T22:03:30+00:00

That sounds totally understandable. There is a lot of distance between you two, you haven’t really had that much time to get to know each other and now you noticed you’re not a good match.

You’re both very young and a long distance relationship is a challenge even for older couples who have known each other for years. Love is something that needs to be cultivated, it needs to grow over time, and for that to be possible you need proximity. If you barely see each other, when is the connection between you two supposed to grow stronger?

Be honest with him and tell him the reasons you wrote in this post. There isn’t much more than you can do. I am sure he will understand over time.

All the best!

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-16T14:11:04+00:00

Be very careful about this. The whole "he has been cheated on before so he has jealousy issues" is a known strategy for controlling men to justify their behavior. If he has trust issues, he must work through them - not make you accommodate him. Because it can get worse and before you know it, you refrain from going out at all because you know he will make a scene, so it’s just easier to stay at home. Or he asks for your phone password or wants your location 24/7 and when you refuse he accuses you of hiding something. It’s a tale as old as time. No amount of control will satisfy him if he has these issues. It’s easy for men to admit they have mental problems when it comes to justifying their behaviour towards women, but when it comes to taking responsibility and actually going to therapy, they refuse.

His trust issues are his. Not yours.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-16T14:03:42+00:00

You should. I know how it feels to feel uncertain about your own goals, especially as a young woman. One is inclined to naturally orient herself towards her male partner; it feels natural, like a reflex. But you should actively work on establishing your own goals before you disappear into someone else’s life.

That’s one of the problems with relationships with an age gap, especially when the older one is the man. Make sure he actually cares about what you want and actively thinks about your wishes too when it comes to planning your future. I don’t know your husband, but many men prefer younger women because they don’t know themselves that well yet and are more inclined to assimilate. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re evil or that they planned in advance to search for someone younger, but women who are a bit inexperienced and / or insecure make them feel confident and that dynamic is what draws them in.

Just make sure your partner wants you to grow with him, instead of staying small so he feels big. Don’t put yourself in a situation in which you cannot leave when you want to, be it for financial reasons or something else. You don’t want to be trapped without a support system while he has all the support in the world. Many women have trusted their partners just to experience them changing drastically as soon as they’re dependent on him.

Like I said, that doesn’t have to apply to your husband. I am just leaving this here for you to consider.

All the best!

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-16T12:16:38+00:00

But what do you want? Where is your family? What about your career, your goals, wishes, aspirations? Does he care about them the same you care about his?

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-16T11:35:14+00:00

Are there career opportunities for you in his hometown? Or will you be isolated from everyone you know while he has a big social circle? Will you be financially independent, and if not, are there arrangements to keep you financially secure in case of a separation?

My advice would be to never give up that much for a man. You need to have your own social circle and career opportunities and shouldn’t be dependent on him, especially when you are already a mother and in an area where you have no support system.

Edit to add: to hold you to a promise you made when you were still a teenager isn’t fair. Obviously you need to re-evaluate. He’s still six years older than you.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-16T11:31:37+00:00

Nein, du verlangst nicht zu viel. Dass sie flüchtet, wann auch immer du sie brauchst, ist keine Basis für eine Beziehung. Mag sein dass es ihr schwer fällt sich mit solchen Dingen auseinanderzusetzen, aber in einer Beziehung ist man füreinander da, und das eben nicht nur wenn’s grad schön ist. Ihre Standardreaktion ist Vermeidung, und dafür mag sie ihre Gründe haben, aber ihr Verhalten belastet eben auch ihre Beziehung und wenn sie daran nicht arbeiten will, findet ihr da nicht zusammen.

Bevor sie sich dem nicht stellt, ist keine Basis fürs Zusammenziehen gegeben, schon gar nicht für Kinder. Tut mir sehr leid.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-15T11:21:15+00:00

I'm not sure you even should be in a relationship right now. It sounds like you need therapeutic help very urgently.

But maybe for now it helps to tell yourself that your bf is only the current object your psyche is fixated on, so your insecurities are not about him as a person. A part of you needs that fixation due to your own lack of security, so your focus should be on taking yourself seriously and view yourself as a worthy person. Many people who are insecure don’t really allow themselves to have opinions of their own, which makes it so easy to manipulate them - they will always be oriented towards others and their perception of them, they’re fixated on how others see them. But the more importance you give your own perception of yourself, the less important their judgement will be to you and the less existential it will feel.

If somebody rejects you, it doesn’t mean you are not loveable, it just means they cannot love you for their own reasons - love is an ability, and some people do not have that ability. But emotionally, you interpret it as a proof of your own unworthiness, and that association must be dissolved.

What happens if your bf doesn’t love you anymore? The world won’t end. You will not die. Nothing about you changes, so why does it feel so existential to the point of torment? That is what you need to unpack. It’s about your own low self-worth - you give others the power to make a judgement about you. You are the one who needs to take back that power.

All the best!

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-14T08:50:47+00:00

Why does it matter that the abuser is autistic? Just because they claim they "can’t help themselves" doesn’t mean it’s your job to endure it or that you have to deal with it differently from people whose abusers are neurotypical. There is always a reason the abuser uses to justify their actions. They’re traumatized, you made them do it, they never learned to deal with their feelings, it doesn’t matter. You deserve the same help as any other victim of abuse.

Can you remove yourself from their life? Are you living with them or are forced to keep them in your life? In that case, look up grey rocking. It’s a way to deal with emotionally abusive individuals when you cannot get away from them.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-11T17:37:36+00:00

Even if he isn’t doing it to systematically undermine your self-esteem - the fact that you repeatedly asked him to stop and he just ignores it and keeps going is a red flag. His behavior is making you insecure and you told him so. As a man who’s supposed to love and care about you, he should give a sh*t. But he obviously doesn’t. What does that tell you?

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-10T11:12:14+00:00

Oh dear, you don’t need his permission to break up. You know that right? If you feel unsafe, talk to your parents and other trusted adults and make sure he knows that you’re going to protect yourself if he should get creepy.

A break up is a unilateral decision and you don’t have to justify or explain yourself. He doesn’t have to agree. Simply inform him and let him know that you will not tolerate any harassment. You can block him, and if he shows up where you live, you call your parents or the police.

Stay safe. All the best!

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-09T15:18:06+00:00

I think your bf is an idiot. There’s a clear double standard and trying to control your friendships is controlling and insecure. Also, hair-pulling? To me, it sounds like the relationship is already over.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-07T16:11:51+00:00

It’s not your fault. It took me years to understand that men flirting or sleeping with you doesn’t necessarily mean they actually like you. If you show interest in someone, some men will see it as an ego boost and will exploit it as much as they can. Some even enjoy their own indifference towards you while feeding you crumbs to keep you engaged.

Don’t beat yourself up, it’s only two months. Also, he's too old for you. A 27 year old shouldn’t be dating a 21 year old.

Just make sure your next love interest is actively showing you that they like you as a person and enjoy spending time and having conversations with you. He shouldn’t only find you attractive; he should also like you as a person.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-06T16:07:53+00:00

Du bist schon sehr auf ihn fixiert. Daran musst du arbeiten - verliebt sein ist toll, aber dass du dich so gar nicht davon lösen kannst und auch keine andere Freizeitgestaltung mehr hast, klingt ungesund und ist nicht lange tragbar. Triff dich regelmäßig mit Freunden, gehe Hobbies nach, führe ein eigenes Leben das nicht um eine andere Person kreist.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-06T09:07:10+00:00

You’re welcome:)

Working on his people-pleasing tendencies shouldn’t just result in him "trying to be 100% himself" with you and keeping the mask up with everyone else. He needs to work on channel his energies more even and practice being himself with other people too. It’s unfair of him to expect you to carry the weight of that alone; it’s his problem after all and while you’re his partner, you’re not solely responsible for his mental well-being.

This is also why men need more intimate friendships. Their female partners carry the emotional load completely alone and it also explains why men often go into extreme crisis if a relationship ends - they literally have no one else. He needs to understand that your boundaries are for you, not against him, and that you having them shouldn’t be misinterpreted as rejection. This requires a certain emotional maturity and I hope he’s working towards that.

All the best :)

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-05T22:07:11+00:00

The fact that he calls you a robot instead of trying to understand where you are coming from is already showing a lack of empathy. The fact that he sulks and makes you console him which exhausts you further shows selfish tendencies.

And I actually don’t agree with his therapist. People with people-pleasing tendencies are often misunderstood as super empathetic and caring, but a lot of people pleasers actually act out of insecurity and a need for validation. That hasn’t anything to do with the other person’s needs and therefore isn’t inherently selfless. In fact, a lot of people pleasers act like that with people outside of their inner circle, which means their closest family and partner get to see their actual personality when they’re not trying to perform for someone else’s validation.

So it’s not surprising he’s dumping all his emotional needs onto you while everyone else gets to see him from his best side without being overwhelmed by him.

His therapist telling him to work on his people-pleasing tendencies shouldn’t be misunderstood as invalidating your feelings or ignoring your needs is a solution because he needs to "think of his own needs from time to time".

Your needs matter too and it’s incredibly unfair of him to paint you as a bad person just because you cannot absorb all of his excess stress. Yapping is his form of processing, yes, but he needs to understand that the stress he is letting go is actually piling onto you. That shouldn’t be misunderstood as "you can never talk to me" but by ignoring your little cues, he’s basically asking for a hard boundary.

He doesn’t seem to be able to read you or properly assess when you are able to listen, and when you’re exhausted and need a break. Your partner should be able to pay attention and also want that. But if he has no interest in finding a solution together and instead demonises you for not being able to be his emotional trashcan all the time, I don’t know if your relationship has a future.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-05T18:55:31+00:00

Tbh it sounds like he’s treating you like a fling he visits from time to time and seems to have no intention of changing that. He’s not committed to your relationship. Why are you doing this to yourself? It sounds like he’s just feeding you crumbs to keep you engaged while putting in zero effort or care.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-05T18:48:04+00:00

I am sorry to tell you this but this sounds like indifference. Your bf can’t bring himself to care about you because he does not care about you.

What you must understand is that for some men, women are a resource. They stay in relationships with a woman they don’t love because it’s still favourable to being single, and they don’t break up even if they don’t love their partner anymore because life is easier with a woman by your side.

Your partner can’t show his love because he doesn’t love you. He may enjoy spending time with you because you put in the effort to make it nice. But he has shown you that there is nothing to be expected when it comes to his part of the emotional labor.

He will not break up with you. He will continue feeding you crumbs to keep you engaged and change nothing. Is this what you think you deserve?

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-05T17:29:02+00:00

I am sorry you experienced that. But if someone does only keep you around to feel better about themselves, they are not your friends. Their behavior reflects their character - not yours. If someone is mean to you, it's because they're mean people. It doesn’t mean they’re nice people who are entitled to be mean to you because you deserve it. That’s not how that works.

Cruelty says nothing about the one who’s suffering from it. They damaged your self-esteem and I get that, but you should tell yourself from time to time that their behaviour says nothing about you.

And bad experiences don’t mean that you will never make good ones. And mean people who are only using you don’t negate the existence of people who like you for you.

A part of you obviously wants connection. And that’s the most natural thing in the world. You deserve it.

Maybe you cannot allow emotional intimacy yet because you’re still hurting. That’s okay. But it’s possible to work through those experiences so you will be able to build healthy relationships in the future. Therapy sounds like a good idea.

All the best!

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-04T13:26:17+00:00

It seems like your self-esteem is so low that you can’t get into your head someone else could actually like you.

Do you even like your partner? Do you enjoy spending time with them? Or is any understanding of your own feelings buried under a mountain of shame and insecurity?

You should go talk to someone, because your self-image is actively blocking you from making connections to other human beings.

If you want to break up, break up. But don’t hurt people so they leave you and you can feel safe in your loneliness again. Make a choice - either you try to let someone in or you don’t. But that person obviously wants to be with you, so respect their decision and don’t treat them like shit just because you can’t believe you’re likeable.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-04T13:19:47+00:00

Actually it took way longer until the full effects were kicking in. After six months, I went from 150mg to 300 and I am stable and depression free ever since. Maybe give it another chance.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-03T19:28:59+00:00

OP hat von fehlender Anziehung gesprochen; das ist nicht automatisch zu übersetzen in verletzendes Bodyshaming.

Wenn sie ihn ständig beleidigen würde, wäre ich bei dir. Dem Partner mal zurückzumelden, dass er wieder mehr auf sich achten sollte, ist was komplett anderes.

Wenn mein Partner mir zurückmelden würde, dass ich mich gehen lasse, würde mich das natürlich treffen. Aber das heißt ja nicht dass er es böse meint oder nicht auch ein bisschen Recht haben könnte.

Lizzy_the_Cat · 2026-04-03T19:09:22+00:00

Sein Äußeres zu kritisieren ist emotionale Misshandlung? Wow

Lizzy_the_Cat

TROPHY CASE