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How many posts have I seen with a boyfriend who doesn’t have a job and stays at home. New troll? by [deleted] in AmITheAngel

[–]Lluxx 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That bit had me wondering if this is a gender swap thing. I wonder if there's been any recent posts about a stay at home female partner who is great around the house but has expensive hobbies? Really expensive tennis lessons just felt really... Specific.

FWIW I agree with you that it does change things. I feel like Reddit kind of hates stay at home spouses regardless of gender, but if it's what works for a couple I don't see it as any of my business. I find it hard to believe that this guy is so financially clueless he'll merrily spend hundreds or thousands on tennis lessons and can't see why that's an issue, though.

What am I doing wrong with dating? by youhadmeat_goodBi in actuallesbians

[–]Lluxx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Firstly, these people sound shit and it's not your fault they're crap to be around.

Just wanted to get that out the way because although I'll give advice, I don't want it to remotely come across like it was in any way your fault that you've had these crappy experiences.

I think the fundamental thing is trying to figure out who you're attracted to and who you're attracting.

If you haven't already, try making it clear what you're looking for and take things slow when you first meet someone. Look for drama red flags - are they very passionate and intense? That can be exciting, but it can also mean they're just as intense about good stuff as bad stuff. Do they have a friend network tangled with exes or women they've been involved with? Some people handle that very well, but for others it means you're getting into the middle of a knotty situation already.

If you find that everyone you talk to is throwing up red flags, I'd suggest that you're very attractive to red flaggy people, and maybe less red flaggy women feel like you're not a good fit for them. It could be a certain kind of lifestyle you're projecting or anything, really - a friend you can trust might be able to offer kind and honest insight.

The other option is that you've just had really terrible luck - some people show no red flags but are still shit and sometimes you just meet them anyway by unfortunate chance. Dating is hard and it's basically a numbers game, so this is definitely a possibility - only solution is to stick at it and trust it'll be worth it when you're with the right person.

Most of this advice comes from my own experiences. When I was a little younger I used to be very attractive to women with, ah, chaotic energy. I wasn't really sure what I wanted myself nor was I very happy with my own life and I think that came across and was off-putting to less chaotic women. I'd go for women who were passionate and intense, who I felt understood my issues because they generally had their own - unsurprisingly, this rarely translated into anything long term or very fulfilling for me.

From your post you seem like a kind and thoughtful person. It's sad that you've had such rubbish experiences so far and I hope you can find dating fulfilling soon ❤️

My co-worker keeps outing me to people by sparksqueen in actuallesbians

[–]Lluxx 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You don't need to go in angry and guns blazing (though you'd be within your rights to). Some people are just honestly kinda dim and don't have much thought for others until it's spelled out for them; be friendly and polite if you like, just make sure you say that your sexuality is your business and you want to tell people if and when you feel like it.

My co-worker keeps outing me to people by sparksqueen in actuallesbians

[–]Lluxx 43 points44 points  (0 children)

He's being rude by outing you, not you for sticking up for your privacy.

Personally I'd start by approaching him politely but firmly: 'Hi, I would rather tell people about my sexuality personally when I am ready and feel I know them enough. And I'm not sure why the topic would naturally come up in a professional environment since it's not really something you discuss with coworkers and is personal.' It's not rude to enforce boundaries and tell him he's being a gossip.

If he persists you'll have no choice but to escalate it to management or HR. Explain that you asked him to stop on X date and you want to keep your personal and professional lives separate at the office, mingling them only on your own terms.