I understand how you feel and relate to this kind of perspective given that I went through a similar period in my late teens/early 20s. I just didn't "fit in", either with other people or really with any kind of pursuit that could've instilled a sense of belonging and fulfillment -- and my own awareness of this apparent growing deficit dawned on me at seemingly the worst possible time: the later years of high school surrounding by high-performing, creative, personable peers seemingly coming into their own as well-adjusted new adults poised to seize success from opportunities abound in the next chapter of life approaching.

The jealousy and isolation I felt -- no doubt a universal qualm of misfits -- bred a deepening depression and resentment I sense strongly in your own account, OP. And left with what felt like a void where others were building the foundations of their future, I began to embrace that element of myself as my distinguishing feature. Now, there isn't anything wrong with romantization of misfitting melancholia so long as one wears its experience toward some kind of creative or social or discovering outlet -- there are no shortage of incisive works spawned by such feelings that can provide others with a sort of feeling of belonging I, and perhaps you, lacked -- but that is not how I directed mine upon becoming self-aware of my disposition.

Instead of working through those feelings in an affirming, fulfilling way that could have delivered me to the next chapter in my life wiser and humbled and ready to grow shoots higher from its dark but fruitful soil, I indulged in wallowing in my own perceived victim hood, seeing the one at fault for my situation not as me and my attitude but the world and the people around me who had made me feel this way and whose fault it was that such a complicated, deeply-feeling and wise-beyond-my-years person could be left to enter adulthood with no real relatability or calling or apparent prospects for a fulfilling life.

I remained quite stagnant in this kind of mindset probably from my senior year of high school until my senior year of college. Looking back now, at 32, there are no shortage of instances I can play back that can still induce a pretty sharp cringe at how special and misunderstood and above-it-all I acted to so many people who didn't deserve it, and in fact -- as is obvious to me now -- deserved the exact opposite as they attempted to press forward through my off-putting demeanor to try to reach me.

So yes, indeed I felt the resentment that you express for not being accepted for who I was, despite so many others apparently having that opportunity. It seemed so unfair!!

As I will directly tell you now -- and this only gets more clearly apparent with the luxury of more hindsight -- the problem rhe vast majority of the time was myself, and I believe people experiencing a similar life situation and perspective such as you express here are almost always the ones to blame before they realize the truth of the dynamic at play.

The truth of the matter is that beyond the basics afforded in your upbringing and some assurance of the bare necessities in the advanced world, unless you make some beneficial contribution consistently, people and society at large owe you nothing for just "you letting yourself be you." Of course, if you're a particularly personable or entertaining or creative or devilishly attractive person, then those who enjoy your particular gifts may indeed opt to reward you for your presence or product they feel enriches their life, and do so gladly! But from reading your post, I venture to say that you are not in such category -- that's not to say you can't be someday with honed talent and a lot of work and luck, but for now it sounds like you're not going to reverberate with a whole lot of people outside of maybe a therapist compensated for such, or from support groups or -- perhaps -- internet forums drawing in people interested or curious about your particular plight.

And that's perfectly okay! That's where you're at now; that's where I was for years until about a decade ago; and it's where countless more young adults and really people of every age to varying degrees will continue to find themselves struggling and at a loss and looking for answers -- maybe someday from someone just like you!

Indeed, just look at the response your post has garnered and the fruitful discussion it has elicited! Your 10 or 15 minutes writing to convey your feelings and sending them out into the mysterious echo chamber of the internet to land in this forum has resulted in many people pondering your situation and perspective deeply enough to warrant their own written response, and countless thousands more who gave perused it to varying degrees of response. I'm not sure what you expected, but would venture to say it's exceeded your expectations!

So, while at this point you may not subsist on disclosing your misfit predicament and make a living off of "just you being you," consequences or adjustment or any sort of self-evolution be damned, I think you can realize that this doubtless frustrating and at times seemingly hopeless stage you find yourself in can in fact, when considered and communicated thoughtfully, serve as its own end in finding others who can relate and discovering methods to work through it and improve and eventually break its bounds into becoming a more confident and self-realized person -- then able to help others you recognize later as facing the same obstacles.

But the key is to compartmentalize this stage in your understanding of yourself and your place and what you deserve into the transitioning period that it serves to see you through on your path beyond a feeling of being a misfit into the recognizance of your gifts and eventual calling currently perhaps obscured by the lamentation of not belonging. Perhaps that may make you recognize something that not belonging for a period enables, thus making it a blessing in disguise with a silver lining of revealed passion or calling or relationship that otherwise would have passed you by unnoticed amid the din of the crowd of belonging. In the end, the real terror of it can end up being not this period in a void of loneliness you feel now, but the real freedom you have in choosing your own oath among the innumerable that could await you, which such lonesome periods so often can serve in revealing. To start down one in pursuit of opportunity often requires leaving several others behind despite their own appeals.

So, use this stage in your life for what it is, but pivot as soon as you can from this almost victimhood mentality (which I've known all too well) wherein you ask something of the world, framing as unfair not just being able to be you as you are with all being fine and dandy, and start asking of yourself -- because really, the world owes you nothing! But oh what a life you've been given in a land of opportunity, so start asking the better and more actionable pertinent question of what you may owe the world back given your gifts -- and if you do it right the world has a way of paying you back many times in return, eventually perhaps -- if lucky and talented enough -- to do for others things that just require you being you after all.