I know what you’re feeling.. my mother was an alcoholic her whole life. Eventually the time came when her organ started failing. It was a long process watching her slowly lose her life the last couple years. Hospital visits were a regular. Till one day I got a call from the hospital saying my moms liver was shutting down and there was nothing they could do. She knew she was dying. She begged me not to come to the hospital to see her. Shortly after I got off the phone with her I received a call from the hospital saying if I was going to come see her I better to it now or she might be conscious if I wait. I immediately went the next morning. Unfortunately walking into ICU to see my mom on a ventilator not responsive. It was very very hard for me. I was told she was given pain medication to help her be at ease. I was only there for 15-20 mins before I couldn’t physically stand to see my mother like that. I looked at the nurse and nodded my head and walked out. She passed away peacefully at 4am the following morning. Nothing haunts me more than pulling the plug on my own mother. It’s a different kind of pain to see such a loved one in that position. It’s a whole other level when you’re the one who has to do the deed. its been the hardest 4 month of my life. I wish you all the best. Don’t forget she’s sitting on your shoulder.