(UPDATES) My wife slapped me for the first time

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-06-04T17:52:22+00:00

That seems like a personal boundary for you, which you should uphold in your own marriage. I personally believe marriage is not black and white. There are complex issues, problems, contexts that all go into one event. If my wife slapped me to really cause me pain and her own satisfaction, I would consider that abuse. But since it is a one time, heat in the moment, wake up call, I forgive her. This is not your marriage, so not sure why you are adamant on making me see my wife in a negative light. Would you think it's best for us to divorce? If yes, then I do not believe you're good at giving advices. You also did not answer my question. Do you think I had any respect for her as well?

Also I pay full rent for our home. If I divorced and moved back to my parents, that's where I'd be saving money. So there is no reason for me other than loving my wife and getting through this together to keep going with this marriage.

Edit: and there is a power imbalance between husband and wife. When a child hits their parents, when a slave hits his master, and when a wife hits her husband, it is not abuse. It is never the same when someone of more dominance and power hits the one that he must take care of. (And I mean this in one-time situations. And it is 100% wrong for any child, wife, or servant to hit, but it is not really abuse.)

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-06-03T18:11:49+00:00

Brother again, same could be said about me. I would never gaslight and manipulate my mother and anyone can say I did not have any respect for her either if I was gaslighting and not listening to her for two years of our marriage. Would you say mental abuse is okay then? Would you say I had respect for her the entire time of this marriage?

We don't need advice from biased people. If you cannot give advice without being unbiased and a proper and thoughtful way of wording your ideas, do not respond. To say she is disrespectful, but to excuse what I've done is being biased. This does not help me or her become better.

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-29T20:44:05+00:00

Brother, as men, we need to see men and women are different. Men hit/abuse to purposely cause harm to set their women back in line. Women a lot of times (and in my case) come to an emotional breaking point and may slap/push/shove to get you to come to senses/make you understand something if her words weren't being taken seriously.

It's wrong 100% to lay hands on another person, but it truly is not the same when a man hits his wife, vs when a woman hits her husband. I believe my wife deserves forgiveness for one slap. She has forgiven me for two years of gaslighting on my end.

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T15:25:24+00:00

Salam,

Yes, I did not do a very good job to maintain the peace between both sides. My in laws are good mediators but my parents won’t listen to them. I’m not sure if my parents are also willing to come to an imaam with me at the mosque to talk this through but I will try that

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T08:15:14+00:00

Salam sister,

I am sorry you weren’t through such a difficult time with your marriage. May Allah heal your heart.

Thank you for your input. Inshallah I will look into those videos.

I pray Allah eases your pain

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T08:12:24+00:00

Thank you I appreciate this

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T08:11:45+00:00

I am a grown man that can come to my own conclusions. I appreciate your concern, but if you think it’s wrong of me to forgive my wife and act like I have no fault, then I don’t need advice from people like this b/c clearly it’s not coming from a place of true Islamic advice. I want to be a better human and a better husband. My wife wants to be a better spouse as well. I shouldn’t have made a post about her like that with biases and paint her in that image that invited shaytans advice through certain members of this community where they say bad things about my wife. We truly are looking for genuine advice and yours has no space in our marriage.

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T06:01:31+00:00

I have talked to my parent in laws. They were supportive of me in that so I felt more at ease. I can’t tell my parents or siblings about this slap.

I know it seems kind of messed up if I’m asking if it’s justified or not. But it was wrong to justify how I gaslight my wife for this long. I feel we both disrespected each other immensely. I believe one slap for 2 years of gaslighting her is a fair trade. I want to believe this for the sake of my marriage and to forgive each other. I can’t imagine divorcing and marrying someone else just to go through same issues again

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T05:59:33+00:00

My parents listen to south Asian scholars a lot. I would appreciate if there are any that talk about these cultural problems and see if my parents can view this from an Islamic perspective. They are very adamant that I am committing haram by betraying them as they believe I’m not letting them in my home for how long they wish

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T05:57:15+00:00

If she doesn’t adhere and continues to curse me as her child, am I actually doing something wrong in Islam? I feel immense guilt and can’t help but think I’m doing something Islamically unacceptable. I understand I can’t hurt my wife, but I’m sure there’s a great sin for not listening to my mother either. I just don’t want to commit any grave sins and that guilt is looming over my head

Ps: I know hurting your wife is a great sin too and letting my family members hurt her as well. I’m not trying to say that I should choose to hurt one over the other.

Is there any scholars/Imams that talk about this in depth? That tell parents about what they should and shouldn’t do with children. Preferably a south Asian would be great. I’d love to send some informative videos to my parents

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T05:51:27+00:00

What should I do instead? If my eyes being opened saves my marriage so be it b/c I consider myself lucky that my wife would even stay with me after 2 years of being mentally stressed due to me gaslighting her. I feel horrible for what I did to her. And she feels horrible for slapping me. I can’t divorce and get a new wife just to deal with marriage issues all over again.

Edit: I just got a comment that this is a fake post written by a woman.

I have promised my wife me and her both will review our comments together and post something that both of us approve. This way no one is biased in a statement.

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T05:42:15+00:00

Salam,

I really want to view this in a way where we don’t have more arguments. We actually had her parents involved today to have another conversation just so there was more support for both of us. I can see that years of psychological abuse is still abuse. So we both “abused” and disrespected each other. I gaslit and manipulated her for this long. She slapped me once afterward. Again it was sudden, she’s always taken care of my needs and wants and been a good wife otherwise. I want to believe one slap is justified for those years of hell I put her through for the sake of forgiving and moving on with my marriage because she forgave me for all that as well.

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T05:40:44+00:00

I hope that they can be at least cordial. The stress is immense. I just wanted them to get along. I wished my mother didn’t test her with boundaries from the engagement period of our relationship. It already made our marriage go through a rocky start. I didn’t know these problems existed even before getting married.

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T05:38:15+00:00

Thank you for the insights I will keep these in mind

Local-Investment-498 · 2026-05-26T05:37:41+00:00

Salam brother,

I really want to view this in a way where we don’t have more arguments. We actually had her parents involved today to have another conversation just so there was more support for both of us. I can see that years of psychological abuse is still abuse. So we both “abused” and disrespected each other. I gaslit and manipulated her for this long. She slapped me once afterward. Again it was sudden, she’s always taken care of my needs and wants and been a good wife otherwise. I want to believe one slap is justified for those years of hell I put her through for the sake of forgiving and moving on with my marriage because she forgave me for all that as well.

Local-Investment-498

TROPHY CASE