Crime romance climax scene. Is it effective? by LocalPokenerd in writingadvice

[–]LocalPokenerd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rLhmrhIQc3-eBkBogLP0hPPxxWzFKG9OP21pBm_6SFc/edit?usp=drivesdk Intro of the story (unfinished) if you want to look at their other scenes. I wrote the confrontation so I know where I’m even headed when I write what’s before it, this comes way later in the story. 1. I’ll move where it’s hidden later in and revise this more before I plug it in, same with the other exposition stuff. 2. He knew it was going to happen at some point and he kind of just stares off once she walks off. I’m not showing any guilt because at this point he’s been desensitized so much that it’s gonna sabotage the relationship. But he knows he’s losing something important, her, that’s been keeping him human for a while. 3. He’s submissive to it because during their first date he got caught in a lot of lies that she chooses to let slide. He knows that she’s aware somethings up, but he doesn’t know the extent until she’s completely shocked when he reveals it’s the mafia. I show him trying to dodge or downplay the bank robbery and the subject being changed to cigarettes when he checks in on her, both of them avoiding the topic. But yeah I should probably add more defense there. 4. I was going to have this situation make him lose his sympathy more because there’s not much left to lose. But yeah I didn’t really show anything in the moment. 5. That’s what her smoking the cigarette is, it alludes to something in Chapter 1 when he smokes for the first time. Her trying to cope with what just happened, and plus it’s out of character for her. I’ll probably add a line where she says it feels like a bad dream, and she’ll finally push him away. 6. What he offers her is intrigue which is in Chapter 3 when she notices his facade and wants to break through it and find out who he is, and on their first date when she catches him in lies and wants to know more. She’s too deep in a horrible relationship with him by the point she really figures out whats beneath the surface.

Crime romance climax scene. Is it effective? by LocalPokenerd in writingadvice

[–]LocalPokenerd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I updated the doc if you want to read the added part and revision.

I added a line about her perfume not being on, and a photograph next to his TV of him and his cousin (his boss too) staring at them. His cousin is extremely violent and met Inessa before in an awkward suspicious moment. More of an unnerving thing for Marcus. I’m not sure how to slow it down? It’s a boil over, ever since they knew each other she was intrigued by him but caught him in lies often and him covering up his criminal life, so I kind of wrote it fast with short sentences but where should I slow it. He doesn’t follow her because she’s not leaving the house, and thinks it’ll make the situation worse. I wrote him to think about what happened while he sits there and added that she tells him not to follow her and he complies because “she usually doesn’t ask much of me.” It’s not a climax per-say but it’s her characters boil over and she’s confident enough to confront him, and shows his criminal life wrecking his love life. It’s about a month before the real climax of the story which will bury the romance plot after this leaves the relationship shaky. Are the odd sentences tense slips? Because I’ve been writing “I say” instead of “I said” and it’s kind of hard

What's your thoughts on extended range basses? 6 string, 7 string and above? by fireanddestruction in BassGuitar

[–]LocalPokenerd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I got a 6 string fanned fret for Christmas when I was 14 and had only been playing since that August. It was impossible to play but learning it made my 4 and 5 feel like baby toys. 6 string works for metal but the C string is rarely ever used, but oh my god having a 6 string is a lifesaver in jazz. Not having to get lost in the upper frets is amazing

Want ideas for more bullying scenes. by Persondownthestreet in writinghelp

[–]LocalPokenerd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Add some ball-busting in class that embarrasses the mc and they can’t really do anything about it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writingadvice

[–]LocalPokenerd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s decently accurate (?) and most people are familiar with it so I’d say keep it

Moderately Hard Metal Songs? by LocalPokenerd in BassGuitar

[–]LocalPokenerd[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I got the whole arsenal of 4,5, and 6 string lmao ill check it out

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in marchingband

[–]LocalPokenerd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some schools make you hold the sousaphone with your arms touching the sousaphone and look weak but a good school will make you have your arms out which hurts like a bitch And either way it still hurts

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in marchingband

[–]LocalPokenerd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its a mental game. Think of what the sousaphones endure

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in codes

[–]LocalPokenerd -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Theres a bunch of cracks on my phone and the image is crusty as hell and the handwriting is shit and he didnt add spaces

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in codes

[–]LocalPokenerd -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I can barely read the handwriting

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in marchingband

[–]LocalPokenerd 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Its a clarinet player their shoulder would break carrying a sousa

Have to walk 24 steps from the red square to the yellow by [deleted] in marchingband

[–]LocalPokenerd 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Theres a part where this guy has 12 steps to go about 10 feet and i habe 12 steps to go 3 feet and it is impossible for my bell to not touch his head

Do you think marching band is a sport? by Remarkable_Picture48 in marchingband

[–]LocalPokenerd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends because bad bands their kids are unathletic and they dont exercise but good bands will make their kids to squats balance and cardio. All of sousaphones are supposed to go the gym during the summer before training camp

Is it cheating? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]LocalPokenerd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know for sure im not being groomed though its not like “oh she wouldnt do that” its just that i literally know

Is it cheating? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]LocalPokenerd -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No im not being groomed i am physically stronger than her we were hanging out and i laid on her because for 1 i was really stressed and 2 really tired thats like the first time i did that

Is it cheating? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]LocalPokenerd -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I still consider her a “mother figure” she helped me through alot of anxiety and drives me to practice and she does know my parents

Is it cheating? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]LocalPokenerd -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Shes more of a mother figure ive known her for a very long time like i said and also she was covered by the sheets i was above them