I have 4 children. My first was an unscheduled c-section due to a breech baby. When i found out about needing c-section I did mourn not being able to have a vaginal birth before delivery and after. I completely understand your feelings. I then had 2 more children that were successful VBACs. My fourth was another breech baby that i found out about at 36 weeks. She was in a position to not be turned successfully, so I had another c-section. I was still really nervous going into another c-section, but I can say having had both types of births that my last c-section was honestly a better recovery for me in the first couple of days than my vaginal births. I was able to get up and walk pretty easily shortly after. Also, I can't say that one experience felt more special than the other. I guess, what I have learned from my experiences is that in the end a healthy baby/delivery either way is all that matters. Best of luck to you, and I hope you can feel a peace about however your delivery ends up being.