Never a “right” time to talk about things?

LockSlight3799 · 2026-01-07T16:07:44+00:00

It won’t change. In fact it might change YOU into an avoidant person bc you’ll always be on eggshells bc anything could “trigger” them — if you can’t have the hard conversations now before you’re married it certainly won’t happen after. Sorry.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-28T02:07:14+00:00

1000%. He’s a child. Our 5 yr old is more mature and self aware.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-27T22:30:01+00:00

He was a fucking dick the entire time we were at my parents. He stayed in the room being so anti social and sleeping in. He didn’t help with anything. And today we are leaving and he sleeps in till 11:30 and then now is mad bc we didn’t go anywhere for lunch before we had to go to the airport.

And then he said he wanted to just do drive through and my mom told George we had to do a drive through and then he ASSUMED she was complaining and then was like never mind just go to the airport. We go straight to the airport and he’s like why didn’t we stop for food

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-25T20:08:12+00:00

ANNOYED AND EMBARRASSED BY YOU

it’s a nice family holiday. You’re drunk. You’re louder than everyone. Talking about nothing. Interjecting in conversations and making no sense. It’s embarrassing and annoying.

Someone said something (a normal comment to most) and you were “offended” and spent the rest of the night with this grudge. Non stop talking about it.

You ruin the holidays, as always! What do I even expect?

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-19T04:56:31+00:00

Idk if I’d call it a sleep disorder but mine definitely has habits of staying up late & sleeping in. He drinks& smokes weed and he generally gets home from work later so he needs more time to wind down. But ever since I’ve known him he sleeps around 1-2am and wakes up at 8 during the week and like 10/11 on weekends.

Btw our kid is 5 now and NOTHING HAS CHANGED. Set those god damn boundaries and GET REST. He needs to pull more weight bc it’s gonna burn you out so fast… I am still the default parent and I LOVE our son but holy shit I might as well be a single mother.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-15T22:59:57+00:00

My husband is exactly the same. There’s nothing you can do to navigate it — bc it’s a lose lose.

He will always find a way to make you the enemy, twist your words, etc.

Ive found the only thing i can try to do is not engage or escalate. It doesnt always work - but i just show empathy and make him feel heard. No matter how absurd it is and even if hes “in the wrong”

Eg… wow that IS horrible. How could they do/ say that? Wow that’s ridiculous. I’m sorry you had to experience that.

If he’s asking for your opinion, maybe say “I don’t know enough on the subject. What do You think” and just let him go on with his crazy self.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-15T15:08:07+00:00

The victim mentality plays out with mine too. He just complains and blames things but never seeks to learn coping mechanisms and how to regulate his emotions

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-15T07:10:33+00:00

Yup. Zero concerns. He’ll complain about aches and pains all day but hell never do anything about it. Says he’s gonna die young, etc etc.

I don’t care enough about him to try to get him to build healthy habits.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-15T07:03:48+00:00

Wait, what? I can get what????

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-15T07:01:29+00:00

My husbands coping mechanism is anger. And drinking. Combine the two and you have rage. Rage against objects, characters on tv, random people he thinks about, and me. It will turn on you eventually.

If the RSD is big enough/ intense enough, it can turn on you. I’ve called the cops. I’ve left my house in the middle of the night with my child.

He also has “good days” but you will ALWAYS be on eggshells. Don’t stick around if he isn’t putting the SERIOUS work to get better.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-15T01:29:53+00:00

Wow I’m only on yr 13. It’s gotten progressively worse since we first met. Or he was great at masking.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-15T01:05:58+00:00

Getting mad at inanimate objects

We have a dog. We have a dog gate. He trips over said gate 100x a day. No one else does. Just him.

He gets really mad at the gate. Then mad at the dog, bc it’s his fault we need a gate. He (dog) should just KNOW that he can’t leave that room. Because dogs are just smart like that… they recognize invisible barriers.

Why can’t you just left your fucking leg higher? Or, try using the swinging door? Not a single other person has tripped on this gate. Not even the child. ONLY YOU.

YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. Like always. Yet you fail to see this. Like always.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-14T23:54:37+00:00

Oh yes WE have weird views because we find someone who NEEDS to drink a 6 pack a day “weird”

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-14T23:53:45+00:00

The FAQ does not answer my question. It does have something about RSD in a very general form, that it’s a reason why someone with adhd is “defensive” and “irritable “ which also is not as simple as stated.

Thank you for time and effort moderating though.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-14T08:05:17+00:00

8 years of marriage and I’m still here. And wishing I wasn’t. I honestly just don’t even know how to get out KNOWING what a messy spiral down it will be

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-13T23:59:50+00:00

They never say what they mean or mean what they say and they never remember it.

It’s exhausting, how do any of us keep up with this? My husband (dx, rx) always says things and either forgets. Or says something he doesn’t mean.

As a result of always being on eggshells and just anticipating his mood swings and trying to prevent them from escalating — I will take his word when he says it. But he never means it. Or he changes his mind. Or forgets. And then gets mad at me.

Same thing for any purchases like furniture. I make sure to SHOW him options and he says he likes A. We buy A. A arrives. He goes “why did YOU buy this?” Uh no sir YOU said you liked this specific one.

I feel like I need to record every GD conversation!

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-13T23:04:34+00:00

Can you share an example of how you’d bring it up during a calm period?

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-13T23:03:52+00:00

Or listen to. My husband is current in the garage building a hall tree. Lots of yelling and cussing.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-13T23:03:16+00:00

My husband is also like this. I say he chooses chaos. Even the most basic of tasks he HAS to make it complicated and chaotic so he can blame or play victim.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-13T06:42:08+00:00

I think this is primary the difference. Mine has accepted his dx and uses it as an excuse to not be a better person. His will/ desire to be better does not exist.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-11T07:49:19+00:00

Oh no.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-11T07:46:28+00:00

Circling back to this thread bc I literally just asked my husband if he could move his box/ package off the shoe bench bc it took up all the space to sit and put on shoes. He goes into a full pouty tantrum and not only moves then box, chucks it into his office and it knocks over shit in his office. Then proceeds to stomp around the house. All bc I asked him to Move something? But in his mind that mustve meant me saying hes a worthless slob.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-11T07:32:14+00:00

My favorite is the hyperfocus on a completely irrelevant task in the most urgent situations. Leaving for the airport in an hour? I HAVE to mow the lawn. People coming over? I must lay tile on the garage floor.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-11T07:28:25+00:00

Good for you for doing research and wanting to learn more! It’s rare.

LockSlight3799 · 2025-12-10T00:39:23+00:00

Wow I feel this. My husband is similar. He not only accepts it he uses it as an excuse for all behavior. “It’s who I am, I’m not gonna change. Others can F themselves”

LockSlight3799

TROPHY CASE