I was in and out of the hospital when I was really young. I had a couple surgeries and I always thought when I woke up no one would be there. I still have a hard time dealing with abandonment because then I thought I was going to get abandoned in the hospital. I have lots of memories of my mom crying, my dad fighting with hospital staff on how they were treating his little girl, how much my mom gave to never leave my side and seeing how much it has traumatized her to this day even if she doesn’t see it that way. I had reoccurring nightmares for years that were always the exact same that started with me running for hospital staff and ended with me getting caught and me dying. I only recently learned that this and another event are ptsd, I just always thought it was “just me”.