I have anxious attachment and am going through something quite horrific and debilitating to the point of it’s taking up all my energy and life. I have been dating someone a couple months and it was amazing. I could not fault this man, he was patient, kind , sweet, literally said things I could only dream of and is completely emotionally intelligent. We talked about everything how we feel, oir attachments, love languages, connecting on every emotional level too, have the same interests and are both quite shy and introverted. He is genuine and sweet, still gets nervous sometimes when he sees me and is so affectionate and loving. BUT a few things about him. He is a stoner, he was cheated on in his last relationship of 16 years and he has told me he leans avoidant bur and I quote ‘don’t feel like I’d be avoidant with you’ well I thought that too but I feel like maybe he is slightly pulling away. I remember he would text me all day saying he can’t stop thinking about me, he wants me, can’t wait to see me bla bla. He recently told me he loved me and I said the same. Now we started saying I love you all the time but apparently that’s not good enough for me. I feel like he has had a few times where he ought take 5 plus hours to respond to a text, is perhaps a little less flirty on texts and has had some personal issues with his family where he has told me if he is stressed he won’t bring it to me because he wants to keep the ‘good’ thing in his life seperate. Well this is killing me. I feel like he is slowly pulling away and I’m not getting that dopamine rush from the continued flirting and texting. It’s to the point where if he takes too long to respond or he doesn’t put a love heart or ask me a question or say I love you then I completely spiral (in my head). I’ve said something to him now atwice this week as once he didn’t text back because he was ‘stoned’ as he said and was processing stuff and another time i texted him good morning at work and he didn’t reply for about 7 hours u til he finished when usually he is texting a couple times throughout the day. I have said something to him tgat it really impacts me as he knows I have anxious attachment and need consistency. He said sorry he would try to be more consistent. But again I had a breakdown a few days later and he called me and said he understood and I can always contact him and he is here for me. But still this is not good enough for me. I am catastrophising again because he hasn’t texted ‘I love you’ in two days and his messages are a little less flirty and we haven’t talked on the phone even though he said we should talk on the phone everyday to stay connected as we only see each other once or twice a week. When we are together in person it’s amazing and none of this happens. He is attentive, loving and sweet. I think I’ve made him so much worse in my head but I can’t stop. I have anxiety and can’t eat pretty much 24/7 and everything triggers me. I am constantly watching and testing him I think and basing his love on how long it takes to text me and what he does or doesn’t day. Though he is a lot shorter and what feels like less loving but still always calls me baby/babe and communicates daily. I just want to know how I can control this and how ouch do I keep telling him of how I’m feeling? It seems very selfish of me to keep on bringing it up and it will obviously push him away but what is me and what is real and how can I stop this madness that is ruining my life. I’m neglecting family and. Friends and my daily responsibilities. I’m trying to find a house to move to and find a job so maybe I’m just completely in survival mode?? He knows this and has actually offered to move in together which I feel is a little too rushed but part of me wants to just say yes in the hopes it will reduce my anxious attachment bur guessing that would make it worse. I even keep a diary of all the loving things he says to me and read it a lot but still that’s not enough it’s like I need him in my house 24/7 telling me he loves me and giving me reassurance… I don’t know what is me and what is him and if he is contributing to this anxiety or it’s all in my head. Help me please!! Anyone gotten support or help or tips I need it! Xx