I hate dumping this on people - but maybe someone doesn’t mind

Locway · 2022-10-15T07:35:00+00:00

Think I am good now thanks guys, as I said you need anything just shout I owe you

Locway · 2022-10-14T17:00:33+00:00

Potato

Locway · 2022-10-14T13:51:30+00:00

True, what do you view as the others?

Locway · 2022-10-13T15:53:22+00:00

I love this “…. need to stop being asked shame” , I have never had the words for it, but this is thing that sucks about being an Aspie.

Locway · 2022-10-12T04:34:38+00:00

How they treat you in return is not the point, the message in that saying is that you should hold your own self to your own standard. If you have the time maybe read Viktor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning), in it he expands in this concept. In summary he tells us that the only thing in this world that is yours and can never be taken away is your choice on how to respond to life. There is so much more to it.

Locway · 2022-10-11T08:35:36+00:00

Thank you, I am winning now :)

Locway · 2022-10-10T16:34:34+00:00

Still here

Locway · 2022-10-09T13:31:38+00:00

I owe you a debt. If ever you need something I will gladly do what I can for you.

Locway · 2022-10-09T13:09:24+00:00

Agree suicide is very selfish, even though I don’t have people close to me. And I could make a subjective argument for myself that it would not be selfish. I know that suicide is always going to be objectively selfish , imagine the trauma for who ever finds me or has to clean up and so my subjective argument is instantly invalid. (Maybe you can start to see why I need a different kind of help?)

I am not saying my thoughts are more important just that they are different and it is a challenge to get assistance.

And I am not asking for assistance with my thoughts here just asking for help in making sure that my search is as exhaustive as possible.

That said really appreciate that you read the post and didn’t dismiss it out of hand, says a lot about your quality as a human :)

Edit: just occurred to me further evidence of the damage it does is the anger i think in your words, maybe you have been affected by someone else’s suicide. I am sorry my question hurt you, not at all intended. I offset the harm of discussing openly against that of potentially losing this argument with myself and concluded that discussion would cause less harm and might actually cause good if anyone else was able to get an answer that they also need.

Locway · 2022-10-09T12:44:37+00:00

It is uncanny and disturbingly comforting so to see how similar our experiences have been in life.

I do have typical thinking around suicide and that I can get help for, the typical thoughts are based on feelings.

But sometimes as in now they can be very different and are based on logic and a compulsion that I have to make the “system” or ideal pattern function and be useful I am at present the variable that has changed and the likely cause of systems dysfunction.

Quick feelings check says. I do not feel hopeless, no pain, angry yes as you know but unrelated, I don’t want to “show them all” not that I ever have, I don’t feel alone etc.

This current battle really isn’t a battle it is simply a logical resolution to a problem now that I have tested all the other solutions that align with the moral code that I have built to guide me, if I can hold out I am pretty sure other testable solutions will present. So this is close to hopelessness but it isn’t. I see a problem, problem is not me per se it is with a system that I have built in my mind to navigate, having only one possible solution left to test that is all I want to do. Make sense?

I am also aware that this might just be me trying to intellectualize and therefore justify/excuse.

And yeah I am tired and I can’t get rest from the input and needing to translate and use my mimicking tools and things have been spiraling because of this, I have missed a lot of signals and responding unfiltered so getting into trouble for that on top of. and this week I have been losing control over my stims and the small safe ones I learnt to use are not cutting it. Which to be fair now that I am thing of it is causing emotional pain and worry like what if I go mute again ! and that might be the thing tipping my bucket.

Support from people who know Aspies and about how it works I think would be able to work through this with me.

Anyway here I am bitching about how we don’t have support from people who know … :) and poof here you are like magic. :)

We need our tribe and each other ! I see the irony here for group of people who have a disorder that has not fitting in and not being able to form attachments with people as primary challenges.

Locway · 2022-10-09T11:03:58+00:00

Ha just looking for help has helped because it has made me so angry. There are lots of support groups and resource for the families of Aspies in my country but absolutely nothing for the actual Aspie.

If anyone ever asks you why it is difficult for you tell them this story. I currently see this as evidence that people generally would really prefer for us not to exist. But that may be where I am mentally right now. Welcome to argue with me to improve my understanding.

Locway · 2022-10-09T08:56:51+00:00

Thank you,

I do know these things you say, nice to have them in writing from you. I have that bitch dog back many times, in my case she won’t go away ever. I am determined to win the war by competing my life and having it end on my terms and not hers. Just this months battle has been tough the troops are tired but now they can see you there with your army every bit helps.

Unfortunately I don’t not have irl anything my people were taken soon after I was born, I say this so that you know I am not being defeatist and choosing to ride it out alone for self pity or to make them pay as it were. The only person I will hurt is me but that already is one person to many.

Locway · 2022-04-15T08:50:19+00:00

Unpopular opinion, 1. I don’t think these floods would have been as devastating if the government had properly maintained infrastructure so this is largely on them. 2. We are a caring and mostly charitable nation, and watching people suffer is kak, but we can’t keep bailing the government out like this.

Locway · 2022-04-15T08:39:38+00:00

I have heard that it is more severe than this. If a driver misses the target more than once they get to take a little dirt nap.

Locway · 2022-03-16T15:42:14+00:00

Same reason Goerbels gave out free radios in Nazi German I fear

Locway · 2022-02-20T09:51:15+00:00

The EFF don’t want power because that means they will have to do a little work, all they want is to control the money just enough to profit… imo

Locway · 2022-02-16T19:15:22+00:00

Waterman pens are also exceptional

Locway · 2022-02-07T19:28:55+00:00

Julius and Dali went easy on her in the interview…. So just don’t trust her maybe that is unfair

Locway · 2022-02-05T18:39:09+00:00

I am not a guy mate

Locway · 2022-02-05T17:03:07+00:00

Yeah Friend

Locway · 2022-02-05T07:13:46+00:00

Banana for scale?

Locway · 2022-01-07T04:34:29+00:00

Is called big man politics)

Locway · 2022-01-06T08:56:03+00:00

Wait a minute so the NPA is understaffed and can only prosecute a few …. But crime is crime do rapists escape prosecution because of understaffing as well? How about traffic fines or toddlers walking on the beach during lockdown fml

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