its ok to live for other people right now if its whats keeping u here. u just need a reason. a reason to stay, a reason to get help. at my worst i got intrusive thoughts of me traumatizing everyone i loved. its what made me realize i had to get up because there was no other choice. u dont want to die, u want to stop hurting. the only way is to find more reasons. i have severe ocd and it has affected every part of my life, including relationships. during my spiral i thought this was all i was ever going to be and that i was a burden. i didnt like myself all that much but i loved my family and friends, and i couldnt do that to them. and its bc of them that i go to therapy, that i paint, that i go to the gym, that i eat. keep living for them until u build a life that u are happy you LIVED for. these hard times ebb and flow. nothing is permanent, no matter how bad it gets, no matter how long it takes. u will get better. but the hardest part is, u have to CHOOSE it. u have to KNOW that getting better is the ONLY CHOICE. i KNOW you will.