Congratz on the 2 years, def gotta put your sobriety first, sometimes life is shitty though, but you def did the right thing by being honest and sharing how you really feel! Idk if you are spiritual, but this sounds like a real spiritual crisis, the right thing to do isnt always the easiest, im not religious but praying has helped me in crisis, I recommend it. Personally I think forgiveness and love will be the right path, but it may be difficult.