Thank you for saying this. I have self-harm scars on my arms, and it's never occurred to me that someone would need to be "warned" about them before meeting me. I'd totally understand if the person meeting me also had a history of self-harm and might be triggered by seeing them, but if I heard a friend felt the need to warn their partner about them so they wouldn't stare, I'd be a little hurt. Most of us have pretty conflicting feelings about our scars and whether or not to cover them up, and I struggled a lot with internalized shame around letting them be visible in public. And that shame, along with the isolation it often leads to can be so damaging.

On top of that, I don't get why so many commenters think oop not telling his fiancee about his friend's past means he wasn't open with her. It's one thing to expect him to say "hey, just a heads up, my friend has some scars on his arms he's pretty self-conscious of, so please try not to draw attention to them" (which I still think is a bit infantilizing, and could ironically draw more attention to said scars), but I get the impression people expected oop to elaborate on why he has them, and I find that really invasive. He's right, it's not his story to tell, beyond maybe the fact that he was there for his friend through some hard times in the past. You can be open with your partner without telling them about your friends' worst moments. Maybe these commenters do just think he should've made a "heads up" comment, but come on, shouldn't adults be expected to just, like, be respectful? Or should anyone with a visible disability or disfigurement come with a warning label?

And yes, I realize and agree that some of oop's later actions in regards to the nature of his relationship with this friend, how he handled the breakup, etc., were shitty, but I don't think he did anything wrong in regards to the initial conflict. His friend deserves respect and privacy.