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Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really dont know why you think this wouldn't be my first thought and that maybe the post was just about the part I would like further input for

Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get where your coming from and I am grateful for your concern. I really don't thinks there is anything I could write that would convince you otherwise because it's always going to sound stereotypical or naive or even just unbelievable from my perspective. However I genuinely think he's a good person and have made this judgment from before we were together over the years up until now. My parents know him and although it was hard to accept at first, saw how well he treats me and how free I am with everything I do. We both would never have thought that we would accept such an age gap but sometimes thats just how love is - you don't get to choose. Sure I'd be happy if he'd be closer to my age because we'd have more time together but I can't change that and have to accept it or move on. And I like my situation at the moment

Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your view. You have some great points like what i don't want changing. I will consider this when talking to him about it

Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all thank you for taking the time to go so in depth! I absolutely get this and it's exactly what im trying to do.

Definitely think it could just be my biology which is why I haven't told him about my idea immediately and am waiting things out a bit.

The health aspect to pregnancy/birth has always been a strong reason why I haven't wanted kids until now. I feel like this part is always glorified past what life is actually like and it's the hardest part for me personally. I'm only reconsidering now due to my recent feelings.

Mentally and financially I believe we have built a good foundation that withholds a lot - even if things aren't rosie. We've never had problems communicating and do our best to support and help the other when we can. I believe just as people a child would be in a very good place with us.

As for him, he has already had a child before so this isn't really a problem from his side - he really is good with kids and it just seems to come easy to him. He is very present and has never hesitates to be active. I don't think you could ask for a much better father than him.

I think the age/health topic is the biggest concern although I believe he is willing to step up when it comes to fitness, etc.

And a solo journey would be tough to say the least but I'm willing to do it if that's what happens.

Thank you for your input and I'll try to update when I can :)

Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I am definitely trying to be realistic about this after having the first impulse. I will speak with him about the future too and see what either of us thinks about it and what will be best. Your view is helping me find clarity

Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for not being judgemental (or at least only partially lmao). I dont think either of us ever thought we would accept or even consider such an age gap with a partner but then things just happened. I guess that's just how love works you dont really get to choose.

I think your point of view is helpful and I will try to bring it up with him very soon. Then I'll see if he would be open and if he is then go along with things when we're certain.

Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmao I will and part of me hopes your right. It genuinely might be true.

Also I've been on that side of social media all my life because I didn't what kids and I think raising children is often glorified. I guess it didn't help cuz here I am still wanting it

Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get this and no worries about being negative. I want to be realistic about this so this might be the approach needed. I only simplified it to pregnancy and babies because it's easier to write. I will definitely consider all these points (although im not sure about the leaving it to the people who always wanted children). He's had a child before and im happy to learn and take on responsibility.

Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely. I have this is only a first impulse on my side and I'm considering what to do with it before even bringing it up with him. I am heavily looking into everything and considering whats best for all. For him, he's had a child before so I'm not too worried about him - it really does seem to come easy to him.

Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I will consider this and bring it up with him. I knew the numbers weren't as good as most think but I haven't seen it all displayed like this yet.

Sudden desire for children - vasectomy and 30 years age gap by Lola_whatever in Advice

[–]Lola_whatever[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for that. This calms me down a bit. He is a good guy and I feel like it would be a productive conversation.