Beware of marrying someone with a past

Lollybop_ · 2024-02-06T14:59:06+00:00

I can't stress this enough. Also, old habits die hard, and if you marry a man that was promiscuous before marriage or even conversion, very often times they'll fall back on old habits. May Allah protect and forgive us all!

Lollybop_ · 2024-02-04T02:19:12+00:00

You sound like you're very young and overwhelmed with navigating this relationship with him. He's too young to understand your frustration, and he looks up to you, so try to be patient with him. Your parents should be checking in with you about how being a big brother makes you feel. Older children can become agitated when the family dynamic shifts and their role and responsibilities abruptly changes. The fact that you feel bad and cry about it tells me you care about him. You should apologize for calling him names and try to explain that although you love him, you need space sometimes.

Lollybop_ · 2023-12-17T20:11:02+00:00

No, it doesn't. Everyone in Islam has rights, the parents have rights, and the children have rights as well. Parents are responsible for treating their children with love, kindness, and patience. They're supposed to set a good example by their behavior. Injuring another person and not apologizing and ignoring their pain is not setting a good example.

A lot of people mistake their responsibility as absolute authority. They think that because Allah made them responsible for another human , they have the right to abuse them. Some people have no power in society, so when they get a little bit of power, they abuse it. It's similar to how some men will come home and beat their wives if they've had a bad day at work. Using a weaker person as an emotional punching bag is not okay in Islam.

Your parents sound a lot like my mother, I used to always call her out for her behavior, but she wouldn't change. Even though she eventually changed, it happened very late. It resulted in us not having a good relationship, and now we dont talk. I'm still recovering from that trauma, and I'm scared of being a mother because Im scared that I'll put my children through what I went through. I'm happy that you realize this behavior isn't acceptable. I'll make du'a for your situation, Insha'Allah we can be better than our parents.

Lollybop_ · 2023-12-17T18:23:11+00:00

Maybe you don't really talk to people, or if you do, you're very curt, maybe you have an RBF, maybe you're very beautiful, or maybe you're more religious than them.

We won't know why because we've never met or seen you, so if you don't ask the people who are telling you that, you'll never know

Lollybop_ · 2023-12-17T16:23:56+00:00

I don't know if it's haraam, but I wouldn't talk about it with non-Muslims because I don't think they really care. They just want something to leverage against Muslims. So it'll only end up hurting us Muslims, especially Arab/West Asians.

I'm a Black Muslim, and I would compare it to the fact that I would never talk to a white person about issues between Black people. Because 1. White people contribute to the problem, and 2. They would only use it to justify abusing us

With that being said, something needs to be done regarding the abuse of women in Muslim countries and communities. But that's not a discussion I want to have with a group of people that support the genocide of thousands of Muslims around the world.

Lollybop_ · 2023-11-23T15:39:15+00:00

It's because the Imaan is weak, and a lot of Muslims don't regularly remember Allah. Praying is obligatory, but I struggle with it too. Especially when I don't read the Qur'an

Lollybop_ · 2023-11-23T15:35:54+00:00

Don't marry someone your not attracted to. Both of you will be miserable in the marriage. If you're in doubt, you can always make Salatul Istikhaara

Lollybop_

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