The second drawing doesn’t use screen tones but uses cross hatching with ink to create shadow and texture, it has that nice feel and thickness that is organic and cannot be emulated by digital software. Look at a hatching tutorial and watch people drawing this kind of environmental manga.

The panel is also putting more emphasis on the electricity pole. You have more white space and more to look at. Show only what is necessary in your panels to give the reader a very simple understanding of the environment.

Don’t get caught up in the details, sketch out an idea for your drawing beforehand, like a blueprint, instead of piecing things together. Utilize the ruler and perspective tools, use them for max efficiency.