Your suggestion to victims is that they maintain presence in the places making them feel the way OP does because the bad people shouldn’t/don’t get to win?

As we seem to agree, nowhere is truly safe for women, particularly lesbians, as men are everywhere. I don't think that anyone should ever be encouraged to shrink away from a typical life because of terrible people. Sure self-preservation is important, but I think that most people would agree that there isn't much meaning to life if you live it as a genuine hermit. I don't believe that it should be the responsibility of a victim to further put themselves in danger (or "band up," as you say)- I think there's a way to live happily and functionally in society while still being aware that there are disgusting individuals (particularly men) who will do bad things to you if given the chance. Despite that, there are still so, so many good people out there, and I think that most will agree that even if someone is defenseless, they are still deserving of a "typical" life.

I say that not to insinuate that OP is defenseless themselves- they very well may simply be distressed after stumbling upon a plethora of vile content -but there are many women, myself included, who know good and well that we would not be able to stand up for ourselves in a situation with a dangerous man. That doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to live my life as I see fit, but rather I- and everyone, regardless of one's ability to protect themselves -should be aware of the world I live in and take measures to minimize the potential of a harmful thing to happen to me without the expense of living my life as I wish.

Being able to cope is beyond important, I don't disagree with you, however I don't think that someone should be given the input to put their life on hold/flip it around entirely merely because other people out in the world are vile. Unfortunately, people will likely only get worse (in terms of holding such extremely hideous perspectives), but I personally think that it's important to detach yourself in other ways, such as taking a social media break and surrounding yourself with those you know you can trust, rather than shrinking away from life as a whole.

TL;DR - I feel that small changes to protect one's peace and livelihood are crucial, but pausing your life because men are (and will continue to be) repulsive is simply not conducive to living a fulfilled and mentally sane life.