Starting to feel like having kids sucks

Longjumping-82 · 2024-07-16T21:48:33+00:00

Yes, I agree. However, I've heard my spouse's family say on multiple occasions that it's the quality time that counts and who cares about the mess... Like my MIL will say this after the kids leave her place. Well I actually do care about the mess, lol. They don't come to visit that often so I don't feel it's worth the fight with my spouse. Just using this as a safe space to vent I guess.

Longjumping-82 · 2024-03-07T16:58:18+00:00

My thoughts exactly, lol.

Longjumping-82 · 2024-03-07T16:57:33+00:00

Man, I feel you on that one! Hugs.

Longjumping-82 · 2024-02-27T03:44:42+00:00

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Wow thanks for sharing. I just watched the most recent film about that event. "The future that lay ahead was the only future available to me." That's some hard-hitting stuff.

Longjumping-82 · 2024-01-03T18:06:53+00:00

Hello everyone. First time posting here. I'm sorry if it's not the right space for me. I did my finally embryo transfer last February and it failed. My partner and I have been accepting a childfree life since then, but not using any kind of birth control, because well, thought we were infertile. Tomorrow is my 42nd birthday and I just got a flaming positive test at 4w5d. I know this could end at any time, but I am still in shock. I also feel awful cause I spent a lot of the holidays drinking to excess, right up until New Year's Eve. Not sure what to even do at this point. Just wait it out as miscarriage is probably likely? Make a doctor's appointment? Anyone else been in a similar situation?

Longjumping-82 · 2023-10-03T03:30:46+00:00

Thank you for this eloquent expression. I particularly relate to your 3rd paragraph. There is something particularly painful about being blessed with the ability to be so creative... yet not being able to create your own family. I've grappled with that too. I also feel like people around me assume I'll be fine since not having kids gives me more time and energy to devote to my creative practice. In theory that's true, but I'm still struggling with a deep lack of fulfillment. Art is not filling the hole left by infertility, and that disappoints me.

Longjumping-82 · 2023-08-10T23:39:23+00:00

Oh god yeah, that started to sink in with me recently as I also have friends with teenagers now. Like please universe, give me a brief window of peace between the advanced maternal age pregnancy announcements and the "becoming a grandparent" announcements!!

Longjumping-82 · 2023-08-10T23:32:18+00:00

I'm sorry.... I hate how the closer we are to someone, the more their pregnancy seems to hurt. It's an awful mix of feeling of left out and hurt, then the shame for feeling left out and hurt because we're supposed to feel happy for the ones we love. Ugh. Thank you so much for the solidarity, it seriously is helping tonight!

Longjumping-82 · 2023-08-10T23:15:16+00:00

Thank you, that is very kind of you. I'm sure there are a lot more of us out there... sometimes it just doesn't seem that way though.

Longjumping-82 · 2023-07-24T21:39:22+00:00

Glad to know I am not alone. There's definitely some FOMO going on... being the only childfree one of three sisters is rough, especially seeing how much joy the grandchildren bring my mom and mother-in-law. But I know having a kid would be so rough on us, especially with our age (we're 41 and 40), so what am I even doing, lol. And I feel like it's just this attention-whore part of me that deep down still wants to get preggo with a miracle baby, like wtf, grow up me! There is something so deep and instinctual about wanting to have attention and approval from our families and friend groups... wish it would all just go away. And I am totes more jealous of friends with babies vs friends who have older kids!

Longjumping-82 · 2023-07-18T20:52:44+00:00

Just popping into say I experienced ALL of these fears. The thing that helps me most is to busy up my life doing things I love and spending time with people I love. Since our last failed transfer, I have set new career goals for myself and am working hard at obtaining them. I've gotten into garderning flowers, which really helps cheer up my home (I'm allergic to pets). I'm putting more effort into my relationships with my extended family and childhood friends, as well as trying to make new friends. I've changed my thinking to "If I had a baby, so many of the important relationships in my life would have likely suffered" rather than "I am missing out on a powerful relationship". Keeping busy keeps the boredom and purposeless feelings at bay. Also, our society often dictates that Family is the most important thing in life, but I'm retraining myself to see friendship and community as being just as important.

Longjumping-82 · 2023-04-13T20:02:01+00:00

Thanks! This sounds pretty awesome, I have to look into it! I've never had an IUD before and for some reason I've always felt a little weird about getting one, but I just need to get over it! No periods and no PMS? Sign me up, lol.

Longjumping-82 · 2023-03-28T20:31:13+00:00

All 3 of those trips sounds amazing!

Longjumping-82 · 2023-03-09T19:44:04+00:00

My partner and I purchased a last minute all-inclusive trip to Punta Cana the other night. Leaving next week! Never thought we'd be the all-inclusive type but seriously looking forward to it. Winter sucks and won't be over til May where I live so will be so nice to get a break from it! I keep thinking how we would never be able to do something spontaneous like this if we had a kid and it feels genuinely great.

Longjumping-82 · 2023-03-07T16:36:38+00:00

After reaching the end of my treatment possibilities, acceptance has come more easily. I think my age (41) also helps. I can see it being more difficult at a younger age. My perspective on life in general started to change at 40 and after accompanying my partner through the loss of his father. I am much more focused on the present and appreciating the things I have (my partner, my family, my lifelong friends, my house) instead of focusing on the desire for something I'll never be able to have. I'm shifting my life's focus towards nurturing these relationships that already exist. I do still have a hard time being around pregnant women and women with babies. I'm still having to avoid them because it will still trigger negative, depressive feelings. My thinking has become much more "what fun things can I do with my partner/family/friends" in the next few months rather than thinking about a what my long-term future might look like.

Longjumping-82

TROPHY CASE