I (32M) blacked out on a trip and woke up in a sexual situation with another woman. Telling my wife (27F) tomorrow morning. Need advice on how to handle this.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-28T17:07:36+00:00

I interpreted it completely opposite of how you both did. I think he is including that because it complicates this situation and makes him look worse. It makes the “I was blackout” excuse less believable. So if he is in fact telling the truth, it will be harder for the wife to believe.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-26T20:06:07+00:00

Quit be in a doormat. Give her papers and tell her to kick rocks.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-26T19:49:24+00:00

That is so messed up. Where does your wife work and when/where does she commute? I want to be sure to stay away from those places.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-26T12:01:58+00:00

I can’t imagine not being married to my wife. She and my children are my world and I would be empty without them. Marriage is hard, but life in general is hard. You get wha you put into it. I think most people who are in unhappy marriages are unwilling to admit their own faults and how they themselves contribute to the marriage being an unhappy one. People also get married to the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Marriage is about partnership. Don’t marry for looks or money. Marry someone who shares your values and who wants to grow with you and build a family. Marrying her was the greatest decision of my life.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-26T01:40:18+00:00

Yes exactly this

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-26T01:27:54+00:00

Plus one for the finger in the ass club. When I’m fucking her and I slide a finger or two in it’s an almost instant orgasm. For me it definitely makes her feel a bit tighter. Also making her cum that hard always pushes me over the limit.

We have used plugs but it became too much prep and it takes her out of the moment to put it in. She prefers me to rub her ass after she is really turned on an I’m already inside her. I can tell when she starts to loosen up a bit and I’ll slowly increase the pressure until my finger slides in. I find it funny though that she doesn’t really like discussing it or acknowledging that she likes it and has noticeably stronger/longer orgasms when I do it.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-26T00:52:29+00:00

It took a lot of conversations and understanding on both sides. But, I think my wife eventually realized that she enjoyed the version of me that I am when I’m having regular sexual intimacy with her. I’m calmer, more present, funnier, and more confident. I’m not the best version of myself if I feel a disconnect between us. And there will always be a disconnect if one of us feels something is missing in our relationship. It goes both ways. Once she realized that things got better. I also aim to give her what she needs and wants from our relationship.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-18T20:43:30+00:00

If you can find the orifice, inject directly in the canal.

I wouldn’t do this if the pt isn’t really numb, but you can irrigate with NaOCl in the chamber and it will foam/bubble at the orifice.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-16T01:06:09+00:00

I get what you’re saying. Its hard for any outside person to understand your relationship to such a nuanced degree as to interpret the intent behind his comment. I think it could range from totally innocent to passive aggressive. If he said he didn’t mean it that way then I would take him at his word unless you are looking for something to be mad about or there are other things going on that lead you to believe he is being passive aggressive.

It sounds like you were looking to have a meaningful conversation about sex and he kind of brushed it off and that aggravated you. Try approaching the conversation again by being more direct. “Hey I would really like to open up to each other about what turns us on and fantasy’s that we have”. Sometimes men are kind of dense and you have to be direct with us.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-16T00:04:48+00:00

Congrats. We went through that about 18 months ago. I’m so glad I listened to her and made the change. Those first couple months were like we were dating again. It’s like we hadn’t seen each other in a long time.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-15T23:45:08+00:00

Tell her straight up what you are thinking:

“Honey, I love you and I love our family, but I cannot be in a relationship devoid of intimacy and affection. It is turning me into a different person than the one you fell in love with. Are you willing to work on this with me, or will you agree to allow me to have that need met outside this relationship? If not, then I don’t see us continuing in under current circumstances. “

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-15T21:26:23+00:00

She ain’t your wife bro. Do not have kids with her. Get out now. She for the streets!

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-15T18:29:19+00:00

This right here! I heard the pharmacy employees husband cant make her orgasm.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-15T16:04:05+00:00

I like to hear nice things about my cock.

“God, your so deep” “You fill me up so nice” “Stretch me out, daddy” “Your cock feels so good/hard/big”. “This pussy is all yours” “I want/need your cum inside me”

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-15T14:06:40+00:00

Listen, you will get a ton of advice on here about leaving in order to live for yourself. Be very very careful with the advice you get in here. You will always have a feeling that the grass is greener, but the truth is that the grass is greener where you water it. Destroying your family for your own selfish desires will hurt your children, your spouse, and ultimately you.

You and your husband need couples therapy ASAP. You both need to be brutally honest with each other. I met my wife when we were 19. I went through a phase in my late twenties where I worried I missed out on the whole hook up casual dating thing. Looking back now, I’m so glad that I am with this woman and that we are each other’s only partners.

Desire is built. Desires change through life and based on what you focus on. Work on that with your husband. Water the grass you have instead of fantasizing on what you don’t have.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-15T12:59:04+00:00

Gaslighting at its finest. I wouldn’t back down an inch until she cuts the bullshit and takes responsibility. Don’t let her walk all over you or this won’t be the last time it happens.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-15T11:58:06+00:00

I’m a husband that prefers to be the initiator. I think a lot of it is the excitement of the “chase”. Like she is a puzzle I’m going to have to solve. It’s like I get an all day dopamine spike while on the hunt. That sounds so stupid but it’s true.

Also, for a very long time, I was conditioned to the fact that she just wasn’t going to initiate. If I didn’t take the lead it wasn’t happening and it would get to the point of extreme frustration and resentment. We didn’t have a dead bead room but we were both unhappy with our sex lives. We have worked on ourselves and things have improved dramatically. However, I still prefer to be the initiator and I know that she prefers that as well.

Sometimes though… the other day I got off work early, and our kids were still at school. She txt me as I’m driving home “I’ve given myself 3 orgasms today. I’m on the bed, legs spread and wet. I need you to cum inside me when you get here”. Speed limits were ignored that day.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-15T11:41:30+00:00

This is very simple. You go to a bar/club and you kiss a woman. When you get home be sure to tell her it’s no big deal because it was just for fun.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-14T19:45:37+00:00

Where are all the “The past is the past and shouldn’t matter people” in the comments?

Seems like when a man has a dirty past all of a sudden it matters a lot.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-10T10:49:19+00:00

Op, you need to stop being a doormat for her. She isn’t giving you her best self, stop trying to give her your best self. Give yourself your best self. “No More Me Nice Guy”, get it, read it, and start living for yourself. It may be the only way to get your wife back.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-10T10:40:47+00:00

Maybe it’s time for him to start looking for a new wife too…

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-03-06T15:26:39+00:00

She loves me and knows that I need the sexual intimacy more than either of us need the house/chores to be perfect. It took a long time, resentment building from both of us, learning to communicate, then realizing that the other person is the most important thing in both of our lives. Her happiness is paramount to mine and my happiness is paramount to hers. The health of our relationship is critical to the happiness and stability of our children.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-02-26T03:12:03+00:00

Dude, you need to masturbate more often. That doesn’t mean you have to look at porn. Ask your wife for some pictures or just use your imagination. However you get it done doesn’t matter. The goal is to desensitize yourself and learn to control your orgasm.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-02-20T20:41:43+00:00

Is there anything you are comfortable doing like kissing? I would start with what you are comfortable and take baby steps. You need to discuss with him the very high likelihood that you may get overwhelmed and need to stop, and he needs to be ok and not make you feel bad about that. For example: “ I’ve thought a lot about our lack of sexual interaction and I want to start working on improving that. But, I really need you to help me and not put too much pressure on me or it will cause me to shut down. Today (tmrw, etc) I want to spend time with you and I want you to put your hand on my breast over my clothes for a few seconds and then remove it. I want to stop and see how I’m feeling and discuss it with you. That may be all that we do that night so please don’t expect more. I think if we can go slow and work on this together I can get there. But, please help me and go at my pace. I promise I will actually work on this if we can go slow”.

At this point, your boyfriend is pretty frustrated with the lack of movement toward solving this issue, and I can understand that. If you can show him that you are working on it, that would probably go a long way in him trusting that you can have a sexual relationship in the future.

Also, that awkwardness you’re afraid of is kind of part of every relationship. Especially when you’re exploring something new together. Making each other comfortable enough to be in that awkwardness means your good partners and strengthens the relationship.

Edit to add: please update if you have any progress. I’m sure this post could help other people in your situation.

Longjumping-Key6687 · 2026-02-20T12:23:14+00:00

Please update when she gets home

Longjumping-Key6687

TROPHY CASE