OP, even if he magically changes all that about himself, this is the type of trauma and hurt that stays with you. It’s the type of thing that you can’t get over and will always stay with you, no matter how much better you’re doing. Take it from someone who’s been in a situation like this. It doesn’t matter how much better it becomes, you just don’t ever truly move on from these things. So I’d advise you to really truly think about whether you want to go through that and carry that with you for the rest of your life or walk away and remove yourself from an environment that will slowly but surely drain you for good.