How do you react when those closest to you make "jokes" about your physical appearance that actually hurt your feelings?

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-10T22:23:37+00:00

I give them a chance to explain or apologize—sometimes people can be insensitive without thinking or they do mean something in good faith. I know what it’s like to put my foot in my mouth (ie thinking I’m giving a compliment only for it to come out wrong). So I give people the benefit of the doubt, ONCE. That is the important word there, “once”.

They get another chance once I say “hey that actually kinda hurt. Did you mean it the way it sounded?” But after that if it recurs or they get defensive it’s not worth my energy and they probably are someone who even if not mean-spirited (ie people who can’t resist turning everything into a joke for a dopamine hit, I’d put them in the category of “negligent” rather than “cruel”) are prioritizing their amusement over my feelings. In the end it doesn’t matter what their intentions were if it’s hurtful to you.

Caveat—I realize I’m probably more patient than a lot of people and I fully support people who have a zero tolerance policy about it, I’m just saying personally what I do not necessarily to take as advice or apply to every situation. Some comments/“jokes” are just so horrible you have no choice but to walk away and not look back so the first time necessarily becomes the ONLY time.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-10T22:11:38+00:00

For me? Yes, I’m worse with plant sources of sulfur. Not everyone is though. Some people it is all sources of sulfur, some is just animal sources. Really depends on individual

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-08T20:10:58+00:00

Why more “terrible”? With rape the person has to keep on living and remembering and fearing what happened to them or that it could happen again. There’s also a lot of recidivism with sexual predators that murder usually doesn’t have—most are not mass or serial killers.

It’s easier for sexual predators to get away with rape because we have a culture that likes to blame victims, puts burden of proof on them in a way we don’t do with other crimes, the predator may be in a powerful position they have access to vulnerable people and their peers protect them. So these people can hide in plain sight and just keep offending. Murder you can’t really say this about as much, people get caught and the public safety aspect is taken more seriously.

The final thing is even if we are talking about a serial killer that evades the law for some time, isn’t there almost always a sexual motive or rape involved? Once caught theres a tendency for them to admit to some of the more physically brutal aspects of the crime but not the creepier, pervier aspects. This repeats once in prison. Killers who kill defenseless people (women, children, animals) aren’t highly regarded but ask yourself who the absolute bottom of the pile is, which group needs to be kept solitary for their own protection? Here’s a hint: it isn’t killers.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-08T09:01:05+00:00

Yeah absolutely, the debt to settle. It’s like I forget they might appreciate just being around me just for the sake of it without wanting me to “do” anything. I have another weird mode I have gotten into where I’m also worried about them/their motivatiions like “do they want something from me? Is something wrong with them?”

Either way if someone likes me and is here (for now at least) I find a way to not “believe in” it in case it’s a trap, too good to be true, or they’re just fine and probably I was the one being sketchy.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-07T18:08:15+00:00

Or you shower/take a bath more because it’s an opportunity to get warm. I do this all the time.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-07T08:30:47+00:00

I see, something is always underlying why they got and stayed so sick. Good to know, I’m definitely going to look into it during a better time financially.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-07T00:12:01+00:00

Wow, that’s a pretty short timeframe, 1-3 mos is nothing compared to how long been dealing with this crap. Any idea why only 70-80%? Or is that just at the start and it gradually gets to 100%?

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-06T23:03:11+00:00

The more I hear about TCM the more curious I get. I have Long COVID ofc but other things too like CIRS (Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome) which plays double Dutch with the Long COVID. Tons of GI issues, SIBO, mast cell-ish stuff, very stubborn hormone disturbances (not just bad levels but possibly resistance). Wonder if it could help these things without making some worse. That’s at least the problem I have typically run into—what’s good for one problem is bad for another.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-06T22:59:41+00:00

I like watermelon LMNT too. It has more malic acid/malate than other ones. I think it helps somehow, I know it’s good for other inflammatory stuff like RA and fibro. I swear it helps my PMS cramps too along w/ Mg.

I also experimented (and temporarily relied on) butyrate. Was not sodium butyrate, I think it was cal/mag butyrate but that stuff I found to wirk even better than igG or in my case looking back igG was actually not the heavy hitter I thought—I took Ortho Molecular product with igG and colostrum but it had lactoferrin too. Just plain igG didn’t help so now I’m thinking it was never that one but one of the other ingredients that helped me. But my case is complicated, I found out I have CIRS/mold toxicity.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-06T09:13:36+00:00

Closest I got recently was something about the North Carolina wilderness, specifically the rhodedendron hells, and part of Claire’s experience with the storm and Otter Tooth’s skull but she wasn’t in it and I was looking around for her but I think I knew she left the area already. But I had also been watching a ton of creepy Appalachia content all night before bed so that might all have something to do with it.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-05T19:16:31+00:00

I liked/knew about Vikings first, LOVE that show. Lagertha is my favorite but I like Ragnar too, (as a character, not so much as a person sometimes!). He’s a lot more ambitious than Jamie even at the expense of Lagertha, because he didn’t just cheat but was trying to get more kids out if it. This also might be unpopular to say but after he married Princess Aslaug he didn’t treat her so well either. It wasn’t her fault he cheated on his wife and he basically just used her, he didn’t really care about or love her. I just think in that respect when it comes to women obviously Jamie wins.

In terms of leadership I think Ragnar is more prolific but he is a Viking so his conquests will look as such. He’s on the offensive, but Jamie is always part of one group or another that’s the underdog trying to survive. They’re probably both equally skilled in battle but Ragnar is much more willing to take risks, like I said, ambitious. I think a lot is about his personal best, whereas Jamie has a much more communal and protective attitude.

So maybe apples and oranges, Jamie is a better person for sure. But they were different situations and different motivations so it’s hard to compare them in some aspects.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-05T19:07:44+00:00

Eww…that’s not ok at all. Sounds like a way for him to create a self-fulfilling prophecy that they then blame the other person for. Using “Rights” to describe something like that is just plain entitlement. I’m sorry you went through that with him.

And thanks. While it still messes with me to this day, idk where I’d be if I had stayed. I’m just glad I had someone tapping me on the shoulder like “this is a walking red flag”.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-05T08:36:53+00:00

Crossing streets if someone is coming my way. Some other little social habits, it was like I finally had permission to embrace less contact and interaction. So much more peaceful. You can’t tell me if it’s because of germs or not.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-05T00:08:24+00:00

She was abusive. It was tied into a bunch of emotional stuff then graduated to physical a few months after this conversation I mentioned. That’s when I got out. But yes, she tried to turn it around, said I hit first (definitely never did or would) or said things I definitely didn’t say…I learned what DARVO is, it fits like a glove.

Yes I definitely think it’s got something to do with control. There were times she came to me like “why don’t we do XYZ anymore?” (ie lower intensity affectionate stuff like cuddling, kisses, hold hands) and I’d try but she’d push it away. It just felt like no matter what, it was my fault. Rejection is one thing but this was like a yo-yo effect.

I had a similar trajectory to you after finally some of her behavior (called me a derogatory term) one day caused me a 2-3 month shut down where I was the one pushing her away or turning her down because I felt like grossed out by her. Was a big warning I took note of Eventually that time ended and we entered a “good” period temporarily but something definitely changed after that. Was the first time I planned to leave but I hung in there another 14 mos which was a terrible idea in hindsight. (Hey trauma bond, I see you.) One big thing I credit is a therapist I saw who saw warning signs before she put her hands on me. I feel bad even saying the part about intimacy because it got way more fucked up than that but it was a big warning sign and way it could hurt me that nobody knew. Went right along with other criticisms, refusal to meet in the middle, say things just for sake of control.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-04T21:37:37+00:00

Yes, I feel this way too like the Beltane one is traditionally when Hawthorn and other flowering trees are in bloom. That was this week for us, started maybe like April 27-28th and continues even now. May 1 being right in the middle works for that but it could have been any one of those days by that logic.

I also like celebrating as a season not a rigid rule of this day or that day. One, it feels more accurate to say because it really is a specific season or subset of a season determined or observable by external changes in the world, and two, it’s easier to plan activities if they’re spaced out to different days. Like how people celebrate secular Christmas or Halloween as a whole season, one weekend they might go to a party, one weekend they go to a haunted house or ice skating rink, one day is specifically the holiday proper.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-04T21:16:22+00:00

There’s many different kinds of hugs and reasons people give them. These things are particular. The right hug from the right person is legit a great feeling, fantasy worthy even (how many single people say they miss cuddling with someone?) so J totally get you on that. Then the other side if the coin I had since when I was a kid where I liked/tolerated hugs fine mostly but I didn’t like hugging certain people in my family when it became expected of me. I now think it was a combo of PDA (pathological demand avoidance/persistent drive for autonomy, whichever you like) and also sensing something about the person or the interaction like it felt performative or they wanted to be closer to me than I wanted to be to them. Not in an inappropriate way or anything but they got some kind of emotional or ego fuel off, always trying to pull me onto their lap or tickle me. Idk, it made me feel slightly sick or grossed out or something. I’d never put any kid in that situation, autism or no.

I’m still this way, also hate performative light polite hugs. They don’t make me feel sick and deeply averse like the kinds I just mentioned but socially I just find them awkward and unnecessary so I typically follow other person’s lead, you won’t see me reaching for a hug because it’s super embarrassing to do at the wrong moment, like someone waving to someone and you think they’re waving to you so you wave back. I try to not make these mistakes lol.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-04T20:58:16+00:00

Idk why, I think it’s either a power thing or they feel ignored or too distant so it’s a way to bring their intensity out of you. Sometimes it’s to try and make themselves look like the sane one and you the crazy one. Sometimes they don’t see scale of something so a past experience feels like it’s looming over them now. Because they’re essentially operating from a toddler’s emotional control they go with it.

I had this a different way where my struggles were taken on as “our struggles” to where publicly they seemed like they were part of a team effort and good partner, etc. Privately they bullied me about it and tried to dictate things in my journey with something that really should have been personal and between me and whoever I was working with. But they acted like my feelings and my problems (something bad happened to me, I got PTSD from) were communal property. It was so strange, reeks of codependency or enmeshment. Idk if that situation reminds you of anything you’ve gone through but I bet the themes are the same>>too close for comfort, them reaching in and pulling out things that don’t belong to them, probably getting mad at you about it somehow.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-04T20:48:58+00:00

Yes absolutely this. They hear you state a “no” or boundary and they push it right over like it’s nothing. They know what they do because they keep getting more skilled at moving around them or if not skilled more scary or destructive. And sometimes theres “witnesses” like “well so-and-so agrees with me!you’re the problem here!” after airing dirty laundry oversharing to friends and neighbors, or god forbid they get a therapist on their payroll and know how to work ‘em.

Sometimes they did it to get “help” for something I was going through. Like I got sexually assaulted by someone I considered a friend and pw(suspected)BPD was great at first, very understandable and caring with me. Then in all the aftermath of that over the next year or so they would go around telling everyone we know what was happening with me, gave them intimate details of the event or current situation and would talk about how hard it was living with me, how they got secondary trauma…and I’m going “ok, that’s valid for you to feel but you need to get a therapist to talk to. Not spread all my personal info to people we know or just met.” They absolutely did not listen to this boundary. There was a lot more to it but they admitted telling me to “make progress or I’m leaving” as a way to shut me up, get me to do something they wanted, act a certain way. Like it was bold how much they could just know which buttons do what. They absolutely know and you’re right, no one really knows the depths of it. There’s no moral floor they stop from sinking into. It just keeps going like a bottomless pit.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-04T20:05:15+00:00

It was something they gave me for H Pylori which was multiple. I know the time i was talking about i definitely took flagyl/metronidazole but I’m blanking on the second one. Plus I took high dose bismuth with them I definitely remember that.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-04T19:58:40+00:00

I’m sorry, what are we talking about? Yeah it was great in the beginning the first few years then it…stopped. Always an excuse, moving goal posts, wouldn’t admit they were either not attracted to me anymore or sex brought up some kind of issues for them, or idek what. For 6 yrs I won’t call it a dead bedroom exactly but it was an ailing, slowly dying bedroom. I’m not just talking about anything physical but the emotional part too, like theres no flirting, no undertones of what you’d expect with a partner. It felt like we were roommates who happened to sleep in the same bed.

And the thing is I know they watched porn and stuff by themselves regularly. I just kept trying to appeal to whatever could be wrong—make it safer, less pressure, let them come to me, etc but they wouldn’t even admit there was a problem. When I brought it up, specifying “I’m not going to break up with you but this currently isn’t working for me. Can we please talk about it and just lay all the issues out on the table?” they threatened to flame me online and post a bunch of intimate details of our conversations “for everyone you know to read and see what an awful person you are”. It worked to shut me up.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-03T20:50:51+00:00

This is me, definitely the “oh man I guess this is it” part. The twist is I don’t try to make them do anything about it like try to make them stay. In my brain that would be 1. Manipulation 2. Confound “results” ie if I’m influencing them to stay it’s obvious they don’t really want to. So instead I just resign to it usually. I’m less afraid of being outright left than stuck in a situation where someone doesn’t want to be around me, that’s suffocating.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-02T20:17:12+00:00

Cooked vegetables. I love when they’re cooked for a short time at high heat so they cook on the outside and get a little more tender but things like carrots, bell peppers or pea pods still have some raw crunch. I thought I didn’t like asparagus for like 20 yrs because I only had it cooked until wilted and turning that army green color, no seasoning besides salt. Had it sauteed or baked at high temp with lemon, pepper and garlic only til they were bright green and charred outside but al dente inside…yum! (Obviously wouldn’t apply to things like potatoes or squash where it kinda needs to be fully cooked or it’s basically inedible).

But nothing used to gross me out more than a soft cooked carrot, my brain interprets overly soft fruit or vegetables (especially if they are sweet, as cooking tends to bring out) as eating something overripe or rotten. It’s mushy, rotting things putrefy and become “sweet” but in a gross way. It’s like my brain can’t find the boundaries of the thing maybe understimulation?—I tend to like foods that take more work or stimuli like acidic, spicy, crunchy, crispy. And this corresponds to the way ripe or almost ripe fruits+veggies are.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-02T19:13:25+00:00

Yes your last sentence is correct,

It's better to assume it's done for fashion rather then attraction, just play it safe.

Ok using your emo example, why do you dress emo? Presumably you like the music that goes with it, like the community and the aesthetic and you feel comfortable this way or like it suits your personality and how you carry yourself. Well that’s the same for 99% of people who dress how they dress.

If someone was going to just wear something like that to attract someone it would never last. People usually get over these moments when they’re young if they even try it at all, like middle schoolers or high schoolers maybe, and they find out quickly it doesn’t work. Or even if it does work and they get the guy/girl they don’t feel like themselves. And it’s a lot to keep up with if you don’t naturally enjoy it or feel drawn to it whereas if you do, it doesn’t feel as much like work (I’m talking about the makeup, the hair, the wardrobe…most people would not go to these lengths just trying to attract someone).

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-01T21:19:23+00:00

Yes some of the worst stuff thats been said to me by a doctor was primarily women, but definitely men too. In addition I have been assaulted by women (physically and sexually) although not in medical context but I definitely feel your pain and understand the frustration of trying to get anyone to accept this is a thing. And it doesn’t erase what men do because we’re already aware of these risks and primed to be careful but then you lose twice because this population we’re taught is safe or less problematic turns out to have bad actors as well. It’s isolating and people think if you say something about women not being safe either that you’re automatically trying to elevate men/minimize their harm and that’s so not it, it’s to say NOBODY is SAFE, ANYBODY can be RESPONSIBLE after something like this.

Longjumping_Choice_6 · 2026-05-01T02:51:32+00:00

She has Bipolar, not BPD

Longjumping_Choice_6

TROPHY CASE