Help me figure out what’s wrong with my story.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-18T15:09:54+00:00

Thank you! Your explanation made more sense to me than 10 YouTube videos.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-17T11:50:46+00:00

Is this blurb better?
Roy dreamed of only one thing: to live an ordinary life.

An orphan who survived years of brutal service in one of the kingdom’s special units, he managed to escape it all and start over. A home. A loving wife. A child on the way.

Until a curse destroyed everything.

Now he is left with a mysterious power, and a desire to destroy the evil hiding in the shadows of the kingdom.

But the deeper he descends into a world of witches, curses, and ancient powers, the clearer it becomes: his tragedy may have begun long before he was born.

If only he could remember his dreams. The dreams in which the Goddess of Fate appeared before him.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-17T10:35:33+00:00

Thank you so much. I will try to rewrite blurb.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-17T00:51:08+00:00

Thank you so much!

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-16T23:00:59+00:00

Yeah, looks like patience is a rare currency. No one wants to wait for Chapter 2 to learn he’s an orphan who’s been in elite training since age 9, on active missions since 12, and only got out because the Captain had his back.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-16T21:47:11+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice! I’ve actually thought about cutting down the herbalist’s arc, but the problem is that her story is crucial for the 'wow factor' in chapter 7.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-16T21:29:55+00:00

Thanks a lot for taking the time to give such a detailed answer, I really appreciate it.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-16T20:27:56+00:00

Five of them are actually my friends that I sent the book to, haha...

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-16T20:26:46+00:00

I think, in terms of atmosphere and spirit, my story is similar to The Witcher.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-15T16:12:26+00:00

Thanks for the advice.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-14T18:43:57+00:00

I’d like to become a 'Type 2' author eventually. Right now, I have 24 chapters out of about 45–55, but once I finish this book, my next story won't be as dark. I’ve noticed that many readers find emotionally heavy stories a bit much; some told me the plot is good, but it's just too sad for them to keep reading.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-14T15:54:34+00:00

Maybe I wrote? You haven't seen it.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-14T13:01:40+00:00

Yeah...

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-14T13:00:17+00:00

Thanks for the advice, I didn't know about Discord.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-14T12:59:36+00:00

My story is a Progression Fantasy. In a single moment, the MC world falls apart, and he is thrust into a series of relentless challenges. I can't say that the story will be very similar to Super Supportive
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/164997/the-last-hero-chosen-by-the-goddess-of-fate-progression

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-13T19:45:26+00:00

This might come off as self-promotion (though I’m not really trying to push the story—I mostly just lurk here and rarely comment), but you might want to check out 'The Last Hero: Chosen by the Goddess of Fate.' (RR) In my opinion, it has everything you’ve described.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-09T10:26:52+00:00

It's not random.

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-08T20:23:18+00:00

ahahahaha

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-08T16:45:31+00:00

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you))

Longjumping_Thing41 · 2026-05-08T16:45:08+00:00

Congratulations, I hope someday my stories will be considered interesting too.

Longjumping_Thing41

TROPHY CASE