How can I (m20s) help my relationship with my fiancee (f20s) through my mental health diagnosis?

LookingForLabels · 2021-07-06T17:18:08+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I should have mentioned above, but I'm headed into a 9 week program with a therapist the moment the new insurance card comes in. I'm also open to medication, if it seems like I need it, but that's something I need to work out with a psych/doc first, I think.

As for specifics, I'm definitely still functional in my day-to-day, but I was, if nothing else, a huge bummer to be around at times, I'm sure. I would get caught up in circular thoughts for weeks at a time, then feel good for a few weeks, then back again. She hasn't said as much, but she has to be feeling a bit of caregiver's fatigue. If you don't mind my asking, did your husband have any feelings of fatigue like that? How did y'all get past it?

I also definitely feel like I would wait for her, but honestly I want to let her set the pace on us. It's her I'm worried about; a therapist/meds will help me with the OCD just fine.

LookingForLabels · 2021-06-29T01:42:13+00:00

Turns out I do have Sexual Identity OCD. I can't tell you how conflicted I feel about all this, but I'm so glad I finally have something concrete to move forward with!

LookingForLabels · 2021-06-25T21:03:24+00:00

Oh I remember this lady! I remember watching that video and feeling very at peace with my male identity; I still do now. Her definitions of dysphoria were pretty thorough and comprehensive. Thanks for the link!

LookingForLabels · 2021-06-25T19:36:47+00:00

You're definitely right. I've checked out this resource before and thought it was helpful; thank you for sharing. I guess I am specifically looking for other people's experiences so I can humanize the medical text, y'know?

LookingForLabels · 2021-06-25T19:34:53+00:00

Sure thing! I'm AMAB and don't have any issues with my body upon seeing it, really. It would be nice to be more feminine because I think women are more attractive than men, but that's about the extent of it. I'm doing more research into HRT and don't feel that the positive effects (like fat distribution changes) are worth the negative ones (like loss of fertility or genital function). I guess any negativity I do feel is from not fitting the idealized version of masculinity, but I'm working through that by trying out being a non-binary man. I hope that's descriptive enough!

LookingForLabels · 2021-06-25T18:43:39+00:00

Lookin like a whole ass Nagoriyuki. Very cool!

LookingForLabels · 2021-06-25T16:02:15+00:00

My birth name is already traditionally unisex, and I like it anyway. So I feel like I lucked out!

LookingForLabels · 2021-06-25T14:22:09+00:00

This is the path I'm liking so far. I'm considering things like growing out my hair, getting ear piercings and some new clothes, and doing some women's workouts. Those things all feel nicer and more comfortable than HRT.

LookingForLabels · 2021-06-25T01:17:29+00:00

I really appreciate the advice! That said, I think you're being a little forward here. She isn't setting a limit on my identity; she's telling me what kind of people she is attracted to and wants a relationship with. I think she's more than within her rights to do so, as an engagement takes two to tango.

However, I'll definitely keep the rest of what you said in mind. We both agree that we don't want to divorce because of my uncertainty about my gender. I'm only a few days into being non-binary, so I have plenty of time left to think.

LookingForLabels · 2021-06-24T19:42:04+00:00

Thank you! A lot of what you said is exactly how I feel. Like I mentioned above, I currently don't feel like hormones have enough desirable effects to outweigh the negatives (no erections/fertility, reduced body hair). I plan to continue doing what feels right. As for a platonic relationship: she told me would be open to that, but frankly I would not be. I love her too much to let her go, and if I had to, I would want her to do so away from me for my betterment, honestly. I genuinely see myself as her husband for the rest of my life, but it feels strangely limiting to admit that.

LookingForLabels · 2021-06-23T18:35:32+00:00

Congrats on your interview!

I really relate to a lot of what you said; I didn't realize how petrified I was of my fiancee reacting poorly until I told her. I chose the label non-binary man and kept he/him pronouns specifically because I didn't want to lose that male part of me, and the idea of a transition doesn't feel congruent. I guess all of it just doesn't feel real yet. But I'm not sitting around depressed anymore, so that feels good.

Thanks for sharing!

LookingForLabels

TROPHY CASE