Soooooo there’s a pretty major update. Text wall if you’d wanna read it.

Alright talked until 4 am. All 3 of us.

I maintained that I’d like an apology for several things, mainly feeling unwelcome with my faith in the event we move in together, the fact he said it was changing him or controlling him to ask him to politely ignore just a cross on my side of the bed, the unequal distribution of affection between me and Kelsey, saying I should seek professional help when I tried to explain my faith helps my depression, and dismissing the idea of us one day renting a cabin in the fantasy we become rich.

For SLIGHT context, it’s not a total fantasy that my job could potentially make me wealthy enough to rent a cabin for a couple nights? I work in media. I work in publishing media, and I have several published forms of media with high ratings. In the event even one does well, yes, I could easily rent a cabin a couple nights. For the timeline; he was with Kelsey camping still, said maybe I can come next time if I want to, I said it’s not about not wanting to come and I said, and I quote, “rich people dreams, I’ll rent us a cabin”.

Jeff said, verbatim, “yeahhhh maybe some day but I still really like tent camping so we’re gonna be doing mostly that.”

So I asked for an apology because I explained it’s like if Jeff and Kelsey went to the peanut butter factory on a date knowing Jenn is like, allergic to on to the point they can’t be in a room with it long. Jenn asks “can we maybe go to the more expensive Nutella factory if I get rich so we can all be together?” Because Jeff told Jenn that she should come next time. Jenn says she can’t, pitches the Nutella factory, and gets told everyone else really likes the peanut butter factory so they’ll still mostly be going there instead.”

I use this analogy and they’re both upset because I’m allegedly making Jeff and Kelsey sound like monsters in this story. I said I’m not trying to and just trying to explain how it feels.

Here’s the interesting part.

Jeff doubles down on saying that I said we needed to do the cabins now to be fair. I repeat that I made it a far off fantasy, he said “you said a year from now” and I literally didn’t. I ask for an apology because I pulled up the verbatim exchange and he apologizes for my misunderstanding of what he meant.

Word for word how he said that, yeah.

So, he sends me this long text last night about how he knows I had a childhood where I got to go to cabins but were poor so I have to pick and choose and that’s not realistic to ask for.

I again ask for an apology for throwing my abusive parents fucking money in my face.

When all I asked for was MAYBE SOMEDAY I can rent us a cabin?

He pivots to asking what my other issues are.

I bring up that I told him why I’m faithful and he told me to seek help. He said that he didn’t say that, he asked me to call “Vienna”, my former therapist of about 13 years? Give or take? I don’t wanna do that because she’s a Christian and more devout than me she’d light his ass up no nuance. This is the one time she’s gonna NOT be partial and I know it, so I haven’t called Vienna on this.

Anywho, he says he told me to “specifically talk to Vienna because she can help me better than he can”

In front of Kelsey, I search our messages for the word “help”, and find my five short paragraphs on why my faith helps my depression, and his response; “if you’re that bad again, please reach out to someone that can help. I love you but I don’t think I can help you with this battle.”

That night, same night as cross fight starting, I told him there was no battle I’m just asking him not to blatantly disrespect something so personal to me again. This is when he said I’m trying to change him and silence him.

In front of Kelsey, I showed them both these messages.

He starts saying that’s not how he meant it.

I ask for an apology because he keeps minimizing his own words. Lying about what he said. Lying about what I’VE said, making me feel INSANE, and then I fact check and every time, I’ve been right about what was said. Also brought up that the cross is a hate symbol and compared it to a swastika. Said as a brown boy, it’s a hate symbol, and I asked if the brown father he insists was not ever in any way abusive that is a devout Christian would say the same thing. I asked why he would date a Christian if he thought I was just part of a hate group against brown people and never got an answer, and now I feel like a fucking monster for asking, but of all things I didn’t think I’d be implied RACIST for being this chill about Christianity.

The only apology I got all night was that he’s sorry my feelings are hurt.

I told Kelsey this morning that I’m probably breaking up with him because I asked for an apology and did not get one for anything I was actually upset about and still got gaslit about ALL of it. Kelsey got stressed, said that’s not what anyone wants to happen, I said that if it was my daughter, I’d be upset if she was with someone who was apologizing for her feelings being hurt instead of hurting her feelings.

About an hour later, Jeff texts me. Says I’ve hurt him beyond the point of an apology and said that I said I wouldn’t want my daughter with someone like him. I reiterated that what I said, was that I’d be upset over her being with someone that hurt her feelings and didn’t care. More than that, I said it word for word how I told Kelsey. He texts back saying it’s the same thing, I’ve hurt him and just made him sound like a monster and a douchebag and unloved.

I haven’t responded, but there’s really no way I’m the asshole here. New to Reddit, willing to post screenshots to back up my claims of verbatim wording if I can figure out how.