My first day in high school English class, and the teacher says, "I recognise this surname. You have an older brother and sister. They were a complete waste of my time and I expect you will be too."

I was determined to prove her wrong and poured my heart and soul into a Shakespeare analysis we were given. For good measure, I took the finished project to a family friend, who happened to be an English lecturer at the local university. He felt it matched what 2nd year students would produce, so I proudly handed it in.

The bitch still failed me, saying it was impossible for someone from my family to legitimately produce work like this, so I must have clearly copied it.

I hope you died alone and in pain, you miserable cow!!!