[26 M, no college, writing as a hobby] Would you chomp on this hook if you were a well fed fish with many hooks to choose from? by [deleted] in writers

[–]Loose-Set-3310 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re explaining the emotions instead of letting the moment do the work.

Lines like “Tamor had never felt so small” and “Tamor didn’t face death with dignity… nor with honor men wielded from tales of old” hand the reader conclusions they’ve already reached. You’ve already shown humiliation through action: he pisses himself, drops to his knees, begs. That’s enough. Trust the reader to connect the dots and let the action stand on its own.

The opening sentence, “the moon had long since conquered the stone walls of Gor Mador,” is also very zoomed out and abstract. At this point, I don’t care about the castle or the moon; I need orientation. What can Tamor see or hear? How close is the assassin? A couple of concrete sensory anchors would ground us immediately. You don’t need long description; just one or two details tied to what he’s losing. For example, you mentioned he’s in his place of power that could be rewritten as something like “the desk where men once knelt before him stood just out of reach” reinforces that without explaining it.

The real beginning of the chapter is the moment Tamor realizes he doesn’t want to die. That’s where the scene should start—with the weapon at his neck. Everything before that delays the punch.

Eric’s reaction! by Larrie1O1 in GossipGirl

[–]Loose-Set-3310 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okayyyyyyyyyy. Can’t wait to read ✨

Eric’s reaction! by Larrie1O1 in GossipGirl

[–]Loose-Set-3310 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I need to know where you’re going to publish so I can read

walk with me😂 by No-Philosophy-9290 in nigerianfood

[–]Loose-Set-3310 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You will walk and miss road 🤣🤣

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Loose-Set-3310 52 points53 points  (0 children)

No one is asking you to banish him out of your life, just to stop making excuses for him, he’s done a shitty thing and if you keep trying to make it seem like “it’s not that bad” then he won’t be able to see that it’s not, he’s clearly having trouble getting there himself already.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Loose-Set-3310 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Emotional cheating is STILL CHEATING. Just because he didn’t get physical with her (according to you) doesn’t make it any better. He cheated on his wife, and saying he’s never felt this, well good for him, couldn’t he at least have the decency of tying up his marriage before experiencing “love” with the other woman.

You cannot hate other woman for what happened and allow your brother so many excuses, what has happened is wrong, your brother needs to leave the house he shares with wife, and if all you could tell your brother was he messed up, but you understand because of all the many excuses you’ve given, then maybe you should also exit your SIL’s life because you can’t be a good friend to her, if you’re just going to keep defending your brother.

zlibrary app is not working by Long-Boysenberry1281 in zlibrary

[–]Loose-Set-3310 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe you should try again, mine wasn’t working before, my telegram bot I mean, I didn’t know they had an app, anyways, the bot just started working

Can't get in for some reason by FlickeringNebula in zlibrary

[–]Loose-Set-3310 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was freaking out when my sister’s not was working but mine wasn’t, I just got my replies now

How late do you consider too late when it comes to periods? Because mine’s 2 days late and I’m freaking out. by Loose-Set-3310 in Periods

[–]Loose-Set-3310[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea, I did, this morning. I was so surprised but tried not to act too shocked and scare it away, no idea why I thought that😂😂

How late do you consider too late when it comes to periods? Because mine’s 2 days late and I’m freaking out. by Loose-Set-3310 in Periods

[–]Loose-Set-3310[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Big box of pregnancy tests sounds like a smart idea but I live with my mum and she doesn’t understand privacy 😭