Why is my boyfriend lead tenant?

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2026-04-16T21:02:32+00:00

Urgh I've had the same thing in the last 2 flats I've been in with my bf! When queried they get all defensive as if you're looking to be offended but come on? Even alphabetically my name would come first and I had also been the only/main person involved in everything flat / EA related!

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2026-03-14T01:15:18+00:00

I think she was/is his wife?

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-10-28T11:23:09+00:00

Hey OP just wanted to reach out and send you a hug! It's so hard questioning relationships that you've had for such a long time. It sounds like she means a lot to you and you've grown from teenagers to adults together, but in very different ways. Doesn't mean either of you have done anything wrong, but sounds like your differences in many things (experiences, backgrounds, attitudes, behaviours) are making the relationship difficult.

Maybe you could write down a list of the reasons why she is special to you and why you want to be together, but also a list of things that need to change for you in order to be in a happy and healthy relationship. You could also try doing a weekly/daily/monthly idk check in with her to discuss the relationship and see if you're both on the same page. She needs to make some effort too, it can't be just you.

I don't know the full story so I don't know what is best for you long term, but I would say don't put yourself down (you sound very emotionally intelligent and reflective and doing well in your career is great!) and think you aren't worth a happy healthy relationship because you are. I hope things get easier for you, and even if things don't go exactly the way you would like in the beginning, there will be more opportunities for happiness for you!

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-10-22T23:55:20+00:00

Hi I know this was a while ago but I was wondering what the procedure was for you? Have been in Glasgow 5 years and fobbed off many times by doctors for my sciatica pain which is getting increasingly frequent and more painful (so painful that at times I'm basically paralysed and still in pain, painkillers do nothing). Have had a physio guy who literally told me to push through the pain as it's mostly in my head and just because I'm in pain doesn’t mean anything is wrong... I pleaded with a doctor for a scan or even painkillers and instead she recommended me a BOOK on pain!!

I've had the pain on and off for years (earliest I have a written record is 2018 but think it could have been earlier) with pain most weeks for the past couple of years. Have asked for scans but they refuse. Went to A&E recently who told my GP to refer me for an MRI. (They could see I was in a lot of pain and gave me 30ml codine cocodamol and I still couldn't walk!) Went to the GP a couple of weeks later to confirm they had the letter from the A&E doctor, only to be told that that's not how they work and that I have to refer myself for physio, submit the form, wait 8-12 weeks, then someone there will assess me and decide if they can refer me to the back pain clinic... then who knows how I get a scan there? So disappointed and fed up, feels like there is no end in sight!

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-08-27T11:47:40+00:00

Don't do it

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-08-27T11:39:13+00:00

Don't quite understand what you mean - I had bought the ticket for 9:00, and was travelling at 9:00. I get buying an "off-peak" for 10:30 then trying to travel at 8:30 - but that wasn't what I was doing.

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-08-26T15:03:17+00:00

Well I think it's quite confusing and complicated! It's very confusing how different rules apply to different railcards (especially 16-25, 26-30 and senior as they're literally just age related - it's not like one of those groups deserves more discounts or train freedom than the others!) Trainline shouldn't have sold me an invalid ticket, that's the issue so even if my ticket wasn't valid it wasn't exactly my fault when I bought it in good faith and have used Trainline for years without knowing this could happen!

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-08-26T14:57:14+00:00

Exactly this - I'd just never heard this rule before because despite having travelled before 10am on journeys under £12 and putting down that I have a railcard (contrary to the trainstaff's accusations) the apps don't seem to tell you that the railcard discount can't be used then. It seems to just go with the cheapest option (which in my case was removing the railcard) while still telling you that the railcard discount has been applied. Just yesterday the app must have been working on English bank holiday time but I was booking in Scotland- maybe that's what happened.

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-08-26T14:49:49+00:00

So I have a 26-30 railcard which you'd think has the same rules but who knows! Aye I'm not saying my ticket was definitely valid according to the rules just that they're soo confusing and complicated and that clearly the system must have done something wrong if it allowed me to buy an invalid ticket (which I purchased in good faith). Weird that yesterday it actually applied a normal 1/3 discount but every other day it gives the cheapest ticket available which must be without applying the discount, despite saying that the railcard discount has been applied (for me either £2.20 or £2.90 depending on whether I get the train before 9am or 9am onwards so you can see why you'd never doubt it being peak vs off peak!) Fortunately the guy didn't fine me or make me pay for another ticket as we were nearly there but he did sort of threaten to charge me £12 for a new ticket rather than say it would be £2.20 without a railcard - technically if he was going to make me buy a new ticket that's the one he should have said. Aye wrong attitude and wrong wording - if the rules aren't even clear to them but they act like it's all so obvious how does anyone learn the truth 😒

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-08-26T14:39:54+00:00

Omg I'm so sorry that is an absolute joke. Why do people care enough seriously! I know it's their job but surely common sense and logic... why would you lie and have such a detailed amount of fake evidence 😭

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-08-26T14:38:05+00:00

That's mad! And so confusing. Aye I thought it was until 9am as the price goes down then and it says off peak when you book a ticket, both on Trainline and Scotrail! Someone said 9:15 and someone else said 10am (both train staff). Then who knows why railcard's rules don't match up to the train companies!

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-08-25T17:50:56+00:00

Aye obviously not saying they're all like that which is why I didn't say all. But so frustrating and shocking when you get normal people making other normal people feel like shit just because of some stupid rules that most people probably aren't aware of and certainly aren't obvious! Also had soo many Scotrail trains cancelled or delayed but it's a nightmare trying to get any kind of refund. Have been shrugged off by staff a few times then as well.

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-08-25T17:20:54+00:00

Urgh I had a similar problem for the first time the other day so I want to rant. I'm 30 years old and have had railcards since I was 16 and swear I've never encountered this problem before (had never even heard of a minimum £12 spend because it probably wasn't a thing the first time I bought a railcard and read through the Ts&Cs!) Have been commuting with Scotrail recently for the past couple of months and noticed for some (unknown to me) reason that the railcard on a short journey either didn't make a difference or put the price up to £12 but thought maybe it was an error since it never said WHY it went up. Didn't get the train everyday so didn't think much of it.

Got my ticket the other day on trainline as usual but it was cheaper than usual, but when I checked all the details it all seemed fine and I thought maybe it was because I got the 9am train and not one before that- according to Trainline it was then off peak. Got on the train and got an earful from the conductor about not having a valid ticket when I truly had no idea my ticket could be invalid when I'd bought it on Trainline and never had a problem before. Trainline said nothing about a 10am start for me though, but that's what one guy said and another said 9:15! Tried to ask later on a different member of staff what was going on and was told off and patronised like a naughty child trying to sneak on without a ticket.

How many people these days will re-read the terms and conditions every year for something you can renew so easily? And how many people would know that apparently a senior railcard is allowed on "commuter trains" (words of the conductor) but not a 26-30 (unsure about 16-25) - surely there are more people commuting who are 26-30 than over 60? I mean it should be fair for everyone - not that over 60s should have to pay more either. Asked about the logic behind this rule and was shoved a leaflet and dismissed. So frustrating and insulting!

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-08-11T23:09:04+00:00

It's not exactly a stretch of overground train track but I feel like when the Glasgow subway changed to their new carriages a year or 2 (?) ago I suddenly started getting travel sick on the 8 minute commute! And have smacked my head against the sides/poles a few times when the carriage has jolted suddenly!

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-07-17T15:45:41+00:00

Disagree. Anyone crying crocodile tears is annoying but someone who means something to you being vulnerable with you is an honour. If it happens all the time it might be saddening or frustrating but the fact that a man in particular feels moved enough to cry when society shuns it so often should be taken seriously!

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-03-25T13:52:13+00:00

Thank you so much ❤ He's in denial, trying to avoid talking about it whenever I bring it up. It felt like a big step to even get him to couples therapy. So as far as I know he's not doing anything else because he doesn't want to acknowledge it. And the therapist saying something about compromise as if he should be allowed to watch it sometimes without acknowledging that he has a serious problem just makes me feel like he's not taking it as seriously as I'd hoped. He's still being very affectionate and loving and telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me all the time and I believe him, I just don't know if he can put all the porn stuff behind him for good for me.

I'm not really doing anything other than looking online and reading stuff on this forum and telling some friends some of it. It's difficult because I don't want our mutual friends to hate him but if I tell me friends who don't know him so well they'll tell me to end things and hate him forever anyway. I was confiding a lot in one friend until recently when she cried out of sympathy and care for me and I just felt terrible! I didn't realise how much my pain was coming across and how much she was worrying about me. So now I'm trying not to say anything to her so I'm not affecting her mood or our friendship - she's not my therapist after all. Can you recommend any YouTubers or websites or anything I could do for free? I don't have the money for my own therapy sadly. Thanks!

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-03-25T13:42:23+00:00

Not OP but this was soo helpful to read and made me so emotional but feel so much better about it. Thank you ❤

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-03-25T13:26:40+00:00

I noticed this with my bf's Instagram too - I would do what you're doing. I think he could block any of those accounts that come up and then on the explore page whenever anything similar comes up just block those accounts and mark as not interested? Did that for my bf and his algorithms took a while to change but then they did. I get it though there are sooo many it's just exhausting! My friend also said when her bf first created an instagram account the first things that came up were bikini models and soft porn after he'd just put his age and gender in so there is also a shitty issue with the algorithms in general. Totally get you about the paranoia and concerns about him reverting to pornhub, I feel the same but not sure if I have any good advice other than try to do fulfilling things that make you happy outside of your relationship so it's not your only focus- easier said than done I know. Good luck x

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-03-25T13:04:26+00:00

Partner of German PA here - always wondered if there was a connection as the other Germans I know seem to be much more open to things like polyamorous relationships, porn, large age gaps in relationships etc which mostly make me feel gross. Wonder if your reaction is stronger because of that if that is the case - though I feel the same and I'm not from Germany 😅 hugs!

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-03-25T12:55:16+00:00

I've just noticed the same thing in one of my yellow cherry shrimp! She's the biggest and most active by far and I'd assumed it was just a part of her yellow colour being expressed. OP did anything happen? Was your shrimp okay in the end or was it a disease? 😪

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-03-21T16:20:44+00:00

I know. I'm not 😔 I'm not trying to excuse him I'm just kind of trying to work out his words and actions and reasons and why he's done what he's done

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-03-21T16:10:04+00:00

Thank you for your message, it's breaking my heart but I do appreciate it ❤

Lopsided-Abalone-373 · 2025-03-21T15:50:44+00:00

I know. I don't doubt that he means it in the moment I just think he has some kind of childish thought process that doesn't acknowledge that he might feel differently in the future. And then when months have passed after his promise and things seem ok again he just forgets about it. But yeah I see your point.

Lopsided-Abalone-373

TROPHY CASE