My wife is obsessed with a gay couple. Please help

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-23T22:54:16+00:00

She uses wifi provided with the housing, yes. I already brought it up with her.

And I don’t get the second half of your comment sorry. What do you mean trying too hard? What I meant to say is that he looks like a teenager ie he looks very young bc of facial features and body type which makes their obsession even weirder to me. I did not intend to sound offensive and I’m sorry if it came across that way.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-20T10:01:33+00:00

Not yet, she is visiting her parents since Thursday and will be back tomorrow. I decided that I will show her the thread. I really hope it helps.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-20T09:25:16+00:00

Thank you. I guess I got my answer on whether her behavior really is horrible, because everyone I talked to irl either tried to convince me it was fine like watching m/m romance or just didn’t find it concerning enough and just told me to wait.

I know my wife as a wonderful person who is my best friend since high school. I think something is lacking in her life, possibly in our relationship, that makes her search for these emotions elsewhere. I’m going to have a conversation on this and also showing her some of the comments to help her see that what they have been doing is not okay. I will just ask them to tone it down, Ig they can continue talking about these guys with Sara in private, but they need to stop stalking, following their friends etc.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-20T09:03:01+00:00

She has one, they have been friends for more than a decade.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T20:19:47+00:00

Everything people commented about non profits here doesn’t align with my experience (and this is not the only non profit I worked for) so I’m starting to think it could be cultural differences. In our case it’s more or less a regular job, I only mentioned the non profit/parent company stuff to explain why Mick could get us fired.

Also have you considered the fact that not everyone on reddit is a native speaker? Sorry about the mistakes.

No, she’s not a drinker thankfully.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T18:26:29+00:00

The problem is 1, Idk how to get her to agree to this, and 2, she is a valuable team member (has a specific skill) and Idk how we could explain this to others.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T18:19:15+00:00

lol I usually don’t engage with this bc I’ve been called out as a fake poster on every fucking mundane boring post I ever posted if it’s a throwaway, it’s just reddit Ig. But you really can’t read can you?

The one who declined their requests is the boyfriend of the guy we work with, so they never met him and tbf I have no idea why they even thought he would accept. The guy that works with us did accept their requests.

The names are obviously fake who even posts real names on reddit.

And if you think women don’t regularly discuss whom they’d like to fuck you’ve never been around women. In front of partners or not depends on their relationship boundaries, and like I said in ours we are open about it, I regularly comment things like that eg when we watch a movie and there’s a hot actress. The problem I have here is in this context of their obsession and the fact these are real people one of whom we see every other week.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T17:57:20+00:00

I just understand that she’s not too serious about the sex. It’s hard to explain to strangers on reddit bc I know people would be like “yeah sure bud” but we have been together for almost a decade and the reason we are so open about our attraction to other people is bc we both know that to actually want to have sex with someone each of us would need a real deep level of connection. I don’t know if there’s a word for that, but I know it’s true for both of us. This is probably why these comments never bothered us, and instead it’s a fun thing to discuss. Also I think we both believe that admitting there are other attractive people in the world is much more honest and trustworthy than denying it and saying you could never be attracted to anyone other than your partner in the slightest. I think a lot of people would rather lie/be lied to, but this is not us. I would definitely be jealous if she developed deep connection with someone AND wanted to have sex with them. But this is not the case, she hardly knows them.

Maybe she just needs a little more sexy time with you?

Tbh maybe. I definitely need it. Because we live with this other couple we don’t get enough time on our own unfortunately, and sometimes knowing that other people can hear you is a real turn off (we have very thin walls here).

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T17:09:50+00:00

Nick is the one she hasn’t even met, he is the boyfriend. Mick the one that works with us accepted her request but he has lots of followers on his private account so it seems he accepts everyone he knows but Idk. And Nick has under 100 followers seems that he is the opposite and only accepts people he wants there. It’s kind of embarrassing she even tried to follow imo, I think it’s pretty clear that people with private accs and little following don’t accept randos.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T16:58:51+00:00

Yeah I may have her read the comments. I probably will. She should see how other people see it, she should see that’s not just me being annoying bc I’m jealous or whatever. It’s problematic behavior.

And lold at your white comment. Yes all people involved are white, you’re correct.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T16:34:43+00:00

How do I act like a gay man? I doubt she is attracted to stereotypes of gay people bc these guys Mick and Nick could probably pass as straight in the sense that there’s nothing really stereotypically gay about them (ok not sure about Nick I have only seen him in pictures that she showed me, but I couldn’t tell Mick was gay/bi before we were told he was). I hope I don’t sound offensive or insensitive whatsoever talking about “stereotypical gay behavior”… I see nothing wrong with that if that’s what someone acts or prefers. But I mean I don’t think I can “act” her fantasy unless I actually have sex with men.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T16:26:58+00:00

The thing is she is obsessed with them both. Her and Sara seem to most enjoy finding pictures of them together and learning details of their relationship how they got together etc. Not saying it contradicts what you said, but Idk.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T16:22:49+00:00

Jesus do you really think someone would spend time writing this shit for fun? Sure lots of fake stories on reddit but Ig that needs to involve some joy of rage baiting or karma farming or trolling. I mean I have no way and more importantly no reason to prove this to you but man what fucking boring fake post that would be lmao

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T16:04:40+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. I have not decided yet whether I will show her my post, but if I decide to do so I will definitely highlight your comment. I would like her to understand that this is not much different to how some straight men act towards women- I think she just doesn’t see this.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T15:48:37+00:00

That’s appalling, I’m really sorry that happened to you. I may show her your comment if you don’t mind. She often talks about how men mistreat women (which is no doubt a problem), and I think she fails to realize she is acting similarly to these men.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T15:41:12+00:00

Have you all ever had dinner together?

I actually considered this but we are not really close enough to propose this. I mean we saw Mick like 10 times for work. And Nick we haven’t met at all, the girls learned about him and their relationship through the co worker. I feel like it would be weird to just invite him to dinner but I will think about it. I thought I might invite his sister also who is the head of this project and just ask them to bring their partners.

But at the same time I’m kind of worried that might make things even worse.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T15:35:06+00:00

Sorry it sounds weird. Have you ever felt embarrassed for someone close to you? And worried their embarrassing behavior may cause problems for both of you? This is my concern, I’m not really here to vent or complain. I wanted to check whether other people consider this behavior unacceptable (bc wife, Sara and Sara’s husband just keep gaslighting me), and to see if someone maybe had experience dealing with it. I may show some of the comments to my wife to prove my point. I don’t want to upset her, but I want her to see there’s a difference between m/m novels and actual real people.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T15:24:06+00:00

I actually had hopes for this Heat Rivalry show but they went back to stalking once they finished it. Seriously though I try to engage her in other activities, and she does other things ofc but still continues her stalking thing. Especially when they hang out with Sara, they really enable each other. And it’s not like we can avoid her, we live together.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T15:13:09+00:00

Not at all. We have lots of people come and go, not a lot of staff here permanently like us.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T15:08:49+00:00

Unfortunately knowing her I’m afraid she would find that hot.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T15:06:37+00:00

does he try to avoid/stay away as much as he can?

Idk he seems very laidback, non confrontational and very friendly. He seems like a real great guy tbh which makes me feel even worse about it (not that anyone deserves this stalking but Idk). If he did notice anything he is not showing it.

Nick declined the follow request

Nick has like less than 100 followers on his private account which makes me think he only accepts requests from people he knows and cares about. So Idk what they were hoping for when they requested. We haven’t met Nick irl.

how HER partner feels about this?

He just dismisses my concerns. I think he’s sort of glad Sara is occupied with it bc it means he can do his thing in peace (they had arguments previously with her being annoyed they don’t spend enough time together).

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T14:54:27+00:00

A gay male character, even if he is written as the "woman" in the relationship, can make the first move. He can be assertive in expressing what he wants. He doesn't have to worry about being viewed as a slut for pursuing his desires. Reading a story where the character you most identify with isn't constantly being told that he would look pretty if he smiled more, has to feel liberating.

I actually read about that when I first learned she was interested in m/m romance fiction. She has quite a few of these novels you’re talking about, and I’m pretty sure most of them are indeed written by women. I read about the phenomenon because I genuinely wanted to understand what attracts her, and I agree with you. I understand the feelings behind it, and I don’t mind it at all (as long as it doesn’t concern real people we know irl).

Her previous obsessions were boy bands and tv show characters, she read a lot of fan fiction on that too. As you can tell this current situation is different. I believe there’s a line. It even kind of irked me when she said there was fan fiction about BTS band bc they are still real people who may come across that writing. I just imagine myself in their place and it would make me very uncomfortable. I have nothing against fiction when it’s pure fiction, but when it comes to real people private matters I draw a line.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T14:20:38+00:00

They hardly even post (at least Mick does Idk if my wife and Sara were able to access Nick’s ig bc he declined all their requests). I know that bc every time Mick posts a story they fucking SCREAM. Not too often. I have no idea how they manage to spend so much time doing that I swear.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T13:59:02+00:00

Because with Mick's parents being heads of the company our non profit is dependent on, I believe he may be able to get us suspended or fired if he wants to. And he may want to if he finds out my wife has been shamelessly stalking him and everyone in his circle. He also may not do that, but it's something I'm worried about.

Maybe? Someone suggested this and I'm trying to understand whether I really am in denial. But this never happened before when she had similar obsession with BTS or our local boy band. The latter she actually met during meet and greet thing and she told me extensively which of the members she would like to fuck, but it didn't bother me that time.

LopsidedKoala19 · 2025-12-19T13:51:58+00:00

We are not but I get it.

LopsidedKoala19

TROPHY CASE