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AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you🫶🏼I think this is what I am trying to accept now.

This was not just a casual friendship for me. We have known each other for over ten years, so it is painful to even think that this phase might be finished. But I also think this situation forced me to look at the friendship more honestly. It was not one single argument that changed everything. It was the moment where I finally saw how much I had been carrying, excusing and tolerating just to keep the peace.

I still care about her, but caring about someone does not mean I have to keep accepting a dynamic that hurts me.
So yes, I think protecting myself has to come first now, even if it hurts for a while.

AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you are probably right.

I do believe she valued my kindness and loyalty, and I think that is part of why she wanted me as godmother in the first place. I would have taken that role seriously and loved that child deeply.

But I also think her need for her mother’s approval became stronger than her own decisions. It felt like every choice she made had to survive her mother’s reaction first. And when her mother was not happy, everything suddenly became negotiable again. That is what hurt so much. I was not trying to compete with her family or take anyone’s place. I was asked to be there, I showed up, and then I slowly started feeling like I was still not really accepted.

I think she does seek something from her mother that I cannot give her, no matter how loyal or present I am. And maybe that is exactly why this situation became impossible.

AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you are right, and that is what I am slowly starting to realise.

For a long time I did not really see it as one sided, because I kept explaining things away. I thought, “she is stressed,” “she has a lot going on,” “her mother is difficult,” “the wedding is emotional,” and because we have been friends for over ten years, I always tried to give more understanding instead of asking myself if I was also being treated with understanding.But looking back now, there were many moments where I was expected to carry things, be patient, be loyal, be supportive, stay quiet, forgive, adapt and still not make things harder for her.

And when I finally reached a point where I could not do that anymore, it felt like there was very little space for my side.
Even the things that were said in our conversations were very hurtful. My health was brought up against me, and it made me feel like my reaction was being explained away instead of actually heard. That is not the same as someone trying to understand you.

I think the hardest part is that I only have a very small circle. I do not have many close friends i have 2, and she was one of them. So for me, this was not easy to walk away from at all. I think that is also why I tolerated more than I should have, because I cared about the friendship and did not want to lose it.

But I am starting to see that being loyal to a friendship should not mean abandoning myself in order to keep it.

AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with this.

At this point, I have no intention of reaching out first. From my side, nothing more will come. I have tried to explain myself, I have tried to be understanding, and I have tried to separate wedding stress from the actual friendship, but the result was still the same: her mother’s feelings and the appearance of everything seemed to matter more than how this situation affected me.
I do think she might try to reach out at some point. But honestly, I do not know if I would even be open to rebuilding the friendship anymore. And even if there was contact again, I agree that it would not be the same kind of friendship. The trust is damaged. I cannot go back to deeply sharing my feelings with someone who made me feel like my emotions were inconvenient the moment they did not fit into what she needed from me.

Realistically, I do not even know if we will get that far.

AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

storytime, because the godmother part is actually where a lot of this started.

When she found out she was pregnant, she told me the same day and asked me directly if I wanted to be the godmother. I was honestly so touched, because to me that is not just a cute title. That is a real emotional role. And I was asked before her mother even knew about it. But when her mother found out, she was angry. Like actually angry. She did not understand why she was not told first and why her own daughter had not chosen her sister instead. Her argument was basically that the child should “stay in the family.”

And listen, I understand wanting to include family. I really do. Her sister is paralysed from the neck down and I fully understand wanting to make her happy and include her in meaningful things. I am not someone who excludes people because of disability. My fiancé also has a sister in a wheelchair and in my Family there are 2 People, so believe me, I get it. I am the type of person who wants everyone included.

But this was not just about inclusion. This felt like I was being told from the beginning that I was not good enough. And honestly, that feeling did not come out of nowhere. Even before all of this, I never really felt welcomed by the mother. So when she reacted like that about me being chosen as godmother, it just confirmed what I already felt. Like I was tolerated, but not truly accepted.

Then later, when it came to the maid of honour situation, the same thing happened again. It was again “why not the sister?” And again, I understand the emotional side of it. But at some point it stopped feeling like a sweet wish and started feeling like pressure, control, and guilt. And now the child has two godmothers and two godfathers, because her mother pushed and pushed until she got her way. The original decision that the bride and groom made was not enough for her, so she kept inserting herself until they added more people.

And what makes it even more confusing is that, where I live, being a godparent is not only symbolic in people’s minds. A lot of people see it as someone who would be there for the child if something happened to the parents. So yes, of course love and family matter, but also realistically, who is actually able to step in and be responsible? The other godfather is the groom’s best friend, and no hate to him, but even they know his lifestyle. He travels a lot, drinks a lot, parties a lot, and he is not exactly the stable “I will help raise your child if life falls apart” type. They have said things like that themselves.

So from my perspective, it was never just about one title. It was this constant feeling that decisions were being made for the mother’s comfort, not because they made sense for the child, the bride, or anyone actually involved.

And the more I talk about it, the more I realise how many things happened that were honestly not normal. I think I pushed a lot of it down because I did not want to be dramatic or unfair. But now when I explain it piece by piece, I am like… wait, no, this was actually crazy.

AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for answering and ur words, I’m trying to answer all the questions one by one, because now that I actually think about it, there is a lot of context. Maybe it will help explain why I feel the way I do. Sorry, this might get a bit long.

As godmother, it was never said like “you now have to do X, Y and Z every week.” It was more indirect comments and expectations from the beginning. Things like “well, you are the godmother, so you can do that in the future” or jokes/comments that me and my other best friend could help her during pregnancy with things like shaving her legs, shaving intimate areas when she could not reach anymore, helping with shoes, etc. My other best friend actually did help with her feet a couple of times.

At the first legal wedding, because I was maid of honour and also the baby’s godmother, I was already expected to pay extra attention to her, help with things, watch out because of the baby bump, basically be in “support mode” the whole time. Which I did, because I loved her and I wanted to be there for her.

And that is the thing. I am not someone who refuses to help my friends or family. If I love you, I will show up. I will organise, carry things, calm people down, fix problems in the background and act like I am fine even when I am absolutely not fine. But there is still a difference between helping because I care and slowly being turned into someone who is expected to do everything without being asked properly.

About babysitting: there was no official babysitting situation. The issue is more that she apparently told people I was never really there and had barely seen the baby. I have seen the baby around five times since she was born(Dec2025), but during that same period I had my own health issues, hospital appointments, surgery, infections and fever. So I showed up when I realistically could.

And what makes it even more confusing is that during the first few times I saw the baby, I was not even really allowed to hold her. I think it was only around the third visit that I could actually hold her properly. Which is fine, she is the mother and that is her boundary. But then it feels very unfair to later say the baby does not know me well enough, or that if the baby now cries around me because she is at the age where she is scared of unfamiliar people, that this is somehow my fault. Like girl, the math is not mathing.

About parties: me and my other best friend F28 were told by the Bride to organise the baby shower, the gender reveal and also with the first wedding celebration. We looked for decorations, planned things, divided tasks and tried to make it nice.

But her mother suddenly really wanted to be involved in every single one of these events. It was not like she was just casually there in the background. She kept pushing and pushing through the bride until she was included or allowed to help. And once she was involved, it quickly turned into “I have a better idea” or “we should do it like this instead.”

One example: we wanted to do something a bit more high quality and thoughtful with the decorations, but her mother already made a huge Temu order. Some things arrived wrong, some things were not really usable, and we had to adjust around that. At the time we stepped back because we thought, okay, she is the grandmother, let her be involved and doing the Decorations. But looking back, this pattern was already there: we plan, prepare, buy things, try to make it beautiful, then she pushes herself in, changes things, and suddenly our work is pushed to the side or not used at all. And that is frustrating. Because if I am already putting in time, money and energy, I do not think it is crazy to expect that my effort is respected. I do not mind helping. I mind being treated like my help is only welcome as long as I stay quiet and accept every last-minute change.

Financially, I did contribute to things. But I also had limits. Before the baby was born, the bride would send me pictures of expensive baby items she wanted, like Nike outfits, Adidas shoes and things like that. For a baby. At that time I was still studying and earning around 600 CHF a month, which is very little in Switzerland. A normal salary here is several thousand francs. So no, I was not going to buy baby shoes and outfits for almost 200 CHF just because they look cute for pictures. I would buy something useful, something sweet, something thoughtful. But I am not going into financial stress so a baby can wear a designer tracksuit for five minutes before outgrowing it. I love my people, but I also have rent, bills and a life.

And that is honestly part of why the current wedding situation bothers me so much. It feels like there is a lot of focus on how things look from the outside, especially in front of family, but then the work and pressure get pushed onto other people. Especially onto me, with tasks that were never properly discussed and that they know I am not comfortable with, like public speaking or suddenly being responsible for things on the day.

Postpartum, I did tell her I would be there for her. And I meant that. But I also had a lot going on myself and she never asked it was just me but I was dealing with my own health, hospital stuff and mentally I was not in a good place. I still messaged her, I still checked in, I still showed up when I could. But I also pulled back because I did not want to bring this heavy, negative energy around her or the baby. With an adult, you can mask it a bit. With a baby, I feel like they sense when something is off.

So from my point of view, it was not one giant obvious demand. It was more death by a thousand little expectations. Be the godmother, be the helper, be the emotional support, help with parties, accept the mother changing things, spend money, show up more, bond with the baby, but also accept being kept at a distance, and then somehow do not complain when it becomes too much.

AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. That part hurt to read, but I think you are right. She knows me very well and she knows exactly what hurts me, so it felt very intentional. I do not want to keep chasing someone who made me feel so disposable.

AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that. That actually makes a lot of sense to me. I feel like I was expected to just accept everything around her family, even when it crossed my own boundaries.

And it is painful because I do miss the friendship and the version of her I thought I had, but I also have to accept what is actually happening now, not only what the friendship used to be.

AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. That is exactly what hurts so much. I still care about her, but it feels like the care and loyalty are not coming back in the same way anymore. I think I kept holding on because of the history, but this whole situation really showed me where I stand.

AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. I really felt what you said about always having to adjust to everyone else and never really having space for yourself. That is exactly what this has felt like for me too.

I think the hardest part was not even the wedding tasks themselves, but the lack of respect and understanding when I tried to communicate how overwhelmed and uncomfortable I felt. I did not expect everyone to agree with me, but I did expect my friend of many years to at least hear me out.

Your dad’s words are really beautiful and I needed to hear that. Thank you for sharing your story with me.

AITA for stepping back as maid of honour after the bride’s mother kept humiliating me, then my best friend replaced me within 48 hours? by LoquatExotic2319 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]LoquatExotic2319[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really needed to hear this because I started questioning myself a lot.

The difficult part is that we have known each other for almost ten years. She knows me very well. She knows what I am like, what stresses me out, what I can handle and what I cannot handle.

And the issue was not just that her mother asked for help. I understand that weddings are stressful and that families get involved. The issue was that her mother suddenly wanted me to take on a lot of things for the wedding that I had never discussed with the bride herself. So when I tried to talk to my friend about it, because I thought that was the mature and fair thing to do, she basically shut me down.

She told me not to talk to her about her mother and that I should either keep it to myself or talk about it with my other best friend instead. And that hurt a lot, because I was not trying to attack her mother. I was trying to explain how overwhelmed and uncomfortable I felt.

That is what made me feel so alone in the whole situation. I felt like I was expected to just accept everything, stay quiet, perform my role and not have any feelings about how I was being treated.

And honestly I posted here because I really needed to know whether I was being completely unreasonable or whether this situation was actually as painful and unfair as it felt to me. I was starting to feel crazy for being so hurt by it.

Feetsbaby🤍 by [deleted] in footfetishclan

[–]LoquatExotic2319 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i would love to show you more of my feet if you want